A complaint to the Guinea Pig Union by Blodwen

[PigglePuggle]

On behalf of the remaing legacy PigglePuggle herd, we have a complaint for the GPU!
We are complaing about Wurklode. This is something we heard Mummy Hooman complain to her boss about this wheek, and we think it is a good thing to complain about.
We are something called Unda-staft, which means there are not enough piggies doing the Important Wurk.
There is Wheeking to be done, Lettuces and Hay to be eaten, Wees and Poos to do, Laundry to Create, Hoomans to Bend to Our Wheeky Will, and we do not have enough Piggy Peeple.
Look at this empty playpen, with still hay on the floor and not enough wees and poos after 3 hours! The hooman only had 2 laundry loads today at Cage Cleens which can't possibly be enough seeing as she bought the Fancy 10kg Eco Washer.
It isn't good enough. We need more staff. Ideally with high level Qualifications, in Wheeking, Pooping, Eating, Zooming, Hay Cube Dismantling, and Herd Skills such as booping other piggies up the bum, ear licking, snuggling, squabbling, wee spraying, and excessive poop mountain amplification.
We hope some suitably qualified applicants will come help us with this excessive Wurklode very soon!
Luv from Queen Blod and her not enough staff peeple x

 

[Bertie & Jelly]

Aw Queen Blod, I‘m sure the GPU will have some words to say to your hooman. Seriously only 2 laundry loads - your hoooman is slacking. I know there are lots of Piggy Peeple out there all with great pooping and wheeking qualifications. I hope your complaint is upheld and do keep us informed about progress to increase your staffing levels. In the meantime, “keeeep pooping”

 

[Lorcan]

Oh Blodwen, here's hoping Mummy works it out soon, yeah? This can't be allowed to continue, I'd say you could borrow the goblins for a while to even out the numbers until permanent help can arrive but they're notoriously selfish about sharing and everything else. They're also too busy squabbling with each other over whether a bed should be sat in or sat on, and they might be at it for a while.

Good luck convincing Mummy!

 

[Betsy]

Dear Queen Blod

I can see that you need more staff to help with wurklode. Your Hooman needs to be told in no uncertain terms what you need. All that hay and not enough poops. And as for only 2 wash loads - well she is hardly using her new super washing machine to greatest effect now is she?

What you need to do is wheek loudly whenever she is in the room and run around your empty playpen, then look at her with your cutest face. All of you need to do this then your Hooman will see that there is plenty of room in it for more piggies. When you're used to such a large herd it must feel pretty lonely with such a depleted staff. I'm used to it just being me and Lexi so I'm fine with just a small herd of two. You need at least 4 more members of staff so that your wurklode is reduced dramatically. Then you won't have to worry about Wheeking, Pooping, Eating, Zooming, Hay Cube Dismantling, and Herd Skills such as booping other piggies up the bum, ear licking, snuggling, squabbling, wee spraying, and excessive poop mountain amplification. Lets hope suitable candidates will arrive soon. If they haven't all the correct qualifications, I'm sure that you and your not enough staff will be quick to teach them.

Yours hoping for more staff in the PigglePuggle Herd.

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward

 

[Merab]

Dear Queen Blod,
Are you sure more staff is really what you want.
We are being threatened with ‘Bonding with the new neighbours’ and fear this means sharing hay and treats etc.
Micah may like more sow bums to stick his nose up but that’s no reason to force us to live with the neighbours.
Our slave complains enough about trips to the tip and vacuuming hay from all over the house without giving her more to whinge about.
All we say is be careful what you wish for.

Love from Priscilla and Micah

 

[Pound Shilling & Pig]

Helloooooo. We are the PS&P Pigs. We have had a very large meeting about your situation and believe we are correct in summarising it as follows:

Your hooman is unda staft.
You are unda staft.
Your playpen is not being used to its maximum capacity, which is inefficient.
The washing machine is being under utilised.
There is a surplus of highly qualified piggies looking for live-in employment.

 

[VickiA]

Dear Blod.
I think this report needs to be escalated. And soon. Under utilisation of resources is utterly shocking. We have the opposite issue here. So many ladies and all of them out of my reach! I spent cage cleaning time today trying to popcorn to show off my manly credentials. No one pays me any attention. Send coriander soon.
Love gentle rumblecrooner Boris.