A good memorial?

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kellyandpiggies

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Right, we're all hoping for the funeral to be next week.. It will be a cremation. My dad says that the access isn't great into the chapel so it's up to me if we want to go. So not going.

Anyway, afterwards they are going to bury her ashes at the local cemetary which I will go to.

We have offered to look after the children who do not wish to go and I have an idea that I would like a bit of help on..

I want to get some helium filled balloons and attatch cards on so that everyone can write a message and then release them at the cemetary.

Questions... is that a good idea? What colours do you think would be ideal? Should I get something on the balloons or just leave them plain?

I want the kids to have their own ways of saying goodbye and being at the funeral is just going to be too emotional..

Thanx


xx Kelly xx
 
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gothchick1515

Kelly thats lovely! i did that with my cousins for my uncle, because I'm the eldest i looked after them during the funeral we got ballons with music notes on because he played organ for churches and let them go with little pictures stuck to them, As for colours do you no her favioute? or one with a pictuer she would have liked? its a fantastic idea Kellly it was a good way for my 11 cousins to say bye without having to see our family distressed go for it kelly it worked so well for me xx
 
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DebbieR

I think that is a wonderful idea Kelly. They can send messages to her on the balloons :)
 

kellyandpiggies

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yeah thanx.. I didn't know her that well, but I can find out her favourite colour, thanx Verity.. I went totally blank on that! :)
 
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gothchick1515

Thats ok lol, Ive had to be the big strong cousin for us so i had to come up with ideas while my mum wouldnt talk or do anything i no how hard it all is thats why sometimes i envy my sister she has no idea of death or war she just nos uncle grahams in heaven how much easier would it be if all we needed to know was that. good luck with it all kelly x
 

kellyandpiggies

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Thanx..

A big change now! Everyone is going to the funeral now and my mum wants me to go too.. Have had to say yes for her sake.

Now I don't know what to do.. My dad said my aunts husband is heartless cos he never shed a tear.. (thanx so much Bev for your advice on this, it made me feel heaps better), only now what about the funeral?

There's going to be so much crying going on and I still don't feel any emotion.. I don't want people to be 'funny' with me cos I don't seem upset..

I don't feel guilty anymore, but think it'll come back at the funeral.
 

bevs

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Don't let it Kelly, look grief isn't black and white, its not even grey.. There is no right or wrong way to mourn, actually, amend that, not crying when you feel like crying is very wrong it just sends you doolally. Anyway there's no point stressing about it cos chances are you'll probably cry anyway, then they'll be happy :)

But if anyone does say anything, just remember they aren't in the right state of mind so don't hold it against them and just calmly tell them that you are just as upset as them, but don't yet feel the need to cry, or even just say I can't, I've cried so much already I must be all cried out.

Has your dad ever lost anyone close? cos I think it's only people who know what you are going through that don't judge your behaviour.
 

kellyandpiggies

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Thanx my lovey.. :)

I was thinking the same after I posted that. And to tell them that I am all cried out :)

My dad lost his mum about 10 years ago, was so close to her and majority of people cried their eyes out, me too.. Like you said we all deal with it differently..

Just had an argument with my brother who cant stop crying over her.. but hated having anything to do with her when she was alive! I can't understand it, he's so two-faced!
 

bevs

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kellyandpiggies said:

Just had an argument with my brother who cant stop crying over her.. but hated having anything to do with her when she was alive! I can't understand it, he's so two-faced!
Kelly he's upset because he has realised that he didn't have much to do with her when she was alive and is now regretting it., and it's too late. We don't realise what we've got till it's not there. Old cliche but so true. So don't be too hard on him.
 

kellyandpiggies

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yeah I guess, just that he is really two faced any other time.. It just gets to me thats all..

I sent a text saying sorry and that I'll see him soon..

What would I do without you keeping me on the straight and narrow? Thanx heaps :-*
 

bevs

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That's ok, been there done that bought the tshirt, and came through the other side. ( with the help of 6 months of intensive bereavement counselling) x x
 
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gothchick1515

My uncle Chaz saw my uncle like once a year if that and cried and had couselling for weeks after he died and i felt angry especially as my mum who saw my uncle Graham every month (he lived a good drive away) had to cope and wasnt given much leave yet he took months off i was angry but i do counselling as part of my course nad realised in the end exsactly why he was so sad the same reason bev said so we're ok now, hes only 18 years older than me so were more like cousins and argue a bit lol x
 

bevs

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Not been too brill this week, is that time of year again :(
 
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