Anniversary tomorrow husband hates me loving piggies ,crisis time..........

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sallym

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Am at my wits end,just back from wedding anniversary meal 18 years ?He hates me having guinea pigs I think he is jealous,has said I have to give 6 away,leaving me 8.....How do I choose :oWant to say I choose the piggies but have problem,my children are my first priority,I really think it could end in divorce ,which to be honest I think I could cope with but can"t put children through that ,it would be too selfish of me.Apparently I spend too much time dealing with piggies and house looks a mess!!,by the way I do work everyday too!I am so upset have always had loads of animals ,he knew that when we were first together,even went on protest together about factory farming years ago....all forgotten now.Am feeling desperate,had photos of piggies I haven"t shown b4 to post but don"t like to now don"t know if I can keep them.
Children also very upset but he doesent seem to care........
Any advice,please don"t be worried about saying what you think need thoughts from friends....... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
 
J

Jillybean

You poor thing, this sounds awful for you. Are you able to compromise by agreeing not to take on any more animals? So at least you've taken on board what he's said but also that you can't part with the ones you already have. Maybe he's had a bad day - perhaps things may be a bit better tomorrow? Re the house being a mess, if you're both working then it shouldn't fall to one person. I try to keep certain rooms free of clutter so they're easier to keep tidy and clean but it's not easy doing that with a whole house.

I hope things get better, what a sad way to spend an anniversary. Let us know how things go, everyone on here will care.
 

Jane

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Aww I'm really sorry it's not working out for you :( Hopefully you can work something out and keep the hubby and the piggies ;)

I don't really have any advice to offer but I hope it works out for you.
 
C

claire

Awww I'm so sorry to hear this, sending you a huge hug and i hope that it all works out for you.
 

Mary

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Big hug chick. Your children will be fine as long as you are ok. Dont put yourself back because of your children, they will cope as long as you are ok. Its not worth staying in a relationship because of your children. When me and my OH where going through a bad patch, it was worse when he was around. You might be just going through a bad part of your life at the mo, and things might turn out all right. I have been there and got the T.shirt, been with my OH 19 years and have 3 kids. What I would say is take a step back and think about what you want, you dont have to do decide today tomorrow or next week. But your children will be fine.

Maryxx
 

kellyandpiggies

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Sending you lots of love and bigs hugs your way, hope things can be sorted. Always here for you. :-*
 

Lucinda

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Jilly Bean has a very good idea, by suggesting you don't take on any more - at the moment.

Make an effort to keep any room he uses as tidy as possible. Don't talk about piggies in front of him. Feed them etc when he is not there.

Your children need to learn about the commitment animals are - ie: you don't just get rid of them if things are difficult. That is more important than giving in to a bully. They also need to learn you don't give in to such people - whoever they are.

Your husband will manage fine whatever happens - the piggies may not.

Remember we are all behind you.

love Lucinda and Caroline xx
 

sars1359

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mum and dads anni is friday and dads ok about g-pigs,well he has to be as mum and I are totally into them,I think hes given up hope now although he was a good boy and took mum to the rescue place to pick some up yest
 

michellemuffin

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what an awlful choice to make my hubby would not ever make me choose thank goodness he sees them as my stress reliever, some good suggestions, tell him you wont take any more on but you cannot let any go as they are part of your family, has he actually said its the pigs or me? dont think my hubby would want to take that risk, maybe as already suggested he was having bad day or is going through his mid life crisis ,mine had one around our 16th annivesary, hes brilliant now but then I hated him, he began to think I did not want him anymore and i told him to go, well he changed in a flash when he realised what he had to lose, now we are very very close I miss him even when hes out with his mate like tonight , give him some space and remind what 18 years of marriage he is throwing away, maybe hes using the pigs as an excuse for his changing ways as in a midlife crisis, and is probably jealous I know mine said if he brought a fluffy suit and wheaked would i love him more , men I hope what ever happens its good for you, the kids would be fine as long as thier mums ok, i know mine would be angry that dad made mum unhappy becasue he made me give my pigs up,
 

sallym

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Lucinda said:
Your children need to learn about the commitment animals are - ie: you don't just get rid of them if things are difficult. That is more important than giving in to a bully. They also need to learn you don't give in to such people - whoever they are.

Your husband will manage fine whatever happens - the piggies may not.

Remember we are all behind you.

love Lucinda and Caroline xx
Thankyou,my sentiments completely,has been getting worse over the last month...am not going to put up with it,Ihave never given up on any person or animal,and am not goin to start now >:(
 
B

bramble

so sorry for you , big hug... does he have a hobby ? i would take a step back like others have said, agree not to take on any more, but at the end of the day surely you are allowed a hobby/pastime? or should your life only revolve round hubby,kids,work & house work ?
perhaps you have to find a balance , so every one is happy...or would he prefer you to get rid of youre animals & then have you go out clubbing it / bingo every night instead? after all YOU are entiled to me time? kids are wonderful & number one proriority but kids grow up & want other things, partners change , youre animals always need & love you , sometimes its the only certainty in life.

so says 44 year old married 3 times 3 teenage kids !, 1 now left home & 2 step kids in there 20's !
I'm so lucky my OH of 3+ years is as potty about animals as me, he does have hobbies & we dont ever moan about each others hobbies ect he wants 4 hrs on the xbox? fine he gets it , i spend 4 hrs in my shed !
 
C

cavies

I'm so so sory to hear that. :'( You must be devastated. It does sound like he is a bit jealous.
Can you tell him that you can not choose between the ones you have and that you wont get anymore?
 

kayjay

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Don't rehome your piggies just because of him, I agree not taking anymore in is a compromise. I've just seen your post on rehoming some, but if I were you I'd think very carefully before doing so, he's asking for this today, what tomorrow?
 

Lucinda

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He is being a bully. Please don't give in to him. You will always regret it, it will set a dangerous precedent for the future - he only has to demand and you give in. It sounds like an excuse to me - he is not happy with his life and is using this as a way of punishing you. Do not let him do that. Think how hurt the piggies will be. If your marriage really is in trouble, rehoming a few pigs is not the answer and will not save the situation - and if it did, is that the price you would want to pay?

Stand up for yourself and those you love and who love you. The love of a piggy is better than any man. Believe me.
 

sallym

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Thankyou everyone,have said that I am NOT giving up any of my animals...........No comments at mo,...children very relieved!!Feel even though many of you live a long way away you all seem so close,thank goodness for the Forum ;)
 

kayjay

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Lucinda said:
The love of a piggy is better than any man. Believe me.
I don't agree with this, my husband is wonderful and loves me to bits and no piggy could replace that. However he would never make demands on me like that, so I say only you know how much your marriage is worth to you and your kids and if this is a tip of an iceberg and he is likely to continue to be controlling. How old are your children? Are they happy with you both together or do they witness you both arguing a lot? My parents were never that happy and argued which I don't think is good for kids. However I know how distraught my son would be if we split up so it would have to be very serious for me to consider breaking up my family. Again, only you know deep down how much your marriage is worth to you.

I wish you luck - Kathryn xx
 
H

hils78

I wouldn't even discuss it with him - just don't bring the subject up because it will give him the upper hand if he sees that it is constantly affecting you & he will then use it as a tool against you.

Don't say you're going to do anything unless it gets desperate. Treat your pigs like an affair! just do it in secret when he's not looking & don't talk about them & keep any piggy evidence -books, pics, hay in your hair(!) out of his sight. I wouldn't take on any more - but by the sounds of things he wouldn't notice anyway.

I had a similar thing recently about pigs - & what I said was 'I had a good career ahead of me which you stopped me doing because you are jealous (music), I don't go to the allotment anymore because you are jealous (of the old men there I think?), I definately don't go out by my self anymore because its not worth the grief when I get home, now you want me to give up Guinea Pigs?' - I pointed out that at least I wouldn't go out so didn't need to spend money on shoes, clothes, makeup, hair etc etc maybe you could modify this speach & have it ready for when he has his next paddy!
 

Mary

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My OH often says ' you think more of the guinea pigs then me' well some times he is right on that one! If I have pigs in the house I say to him ' do you think that cage will fit there' It just sounds better if he thinks he has a say in it!

Mary
 

sammyroo

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Sorry, I have not been around this site very long, so I do not know the background to this one.

It sounds as if you have had 14 piggies for some while - ? - and he is only now objecting to them?
Are they all ones you adopted? Because, if so, what happened at the time? Did you discuss it together first? Did he say anything at the time?
If he stood back and said nothing, knowing you were a piggy-addict, then he's not really got much case for suddenly turning round and objecting - the time to raise his objections would have been before you got them, not now that you have taken on the commitment.

(If, however, he made it clear that he did not want to share his home with more pigs - and it is his home too! - but you went ahead and got them anyway, then I can sort of see where he is coming from)

Either way, you have now taken on a commitment and I agree that you would be setting a poor example to your kids if you went back on it. I'd advise against getting any more, but you have a duty towards the ones you have, even if that means finding them good homes elsewhere.

Of course, this may not be about the pigs at all, but he is just 'using' them to upset you, which would indicate a deeper problem in your relationship........to put it mildly!
 

Abnoba

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kayjay said:
Lucinda said:
The love of a piggy is better than any man. Believe me.
I don't agree with this, my husband is wonderful and loves me to bits and no piggy could replace that. However he would never make demands on me like that, so I say only you know how much your marriage is worth to you and your kids and if this is a tip of an iceberg and he is likely to continue to be controlling. How old are your children? Are they happy with you both together or do they witness you both arguing a lot? My parents were never that happy and argued which I don't think is good for kids. However I know how distraught my son would be if we split up so it would have to be very serious for me to consider breaking up my family. Again, only you know deep down how much your marriage is worth to you.

I wish you luck - Kathryn xx
Agreed - I talked about this on the thread where they were some rats for rehoming, because the boyfriend told his girlfriend she couldnt bring them when they moved together. And I thought "how much does he really love her, if he wants to take something away from her that means so much to her?" strikes me as the sort of guy who would also say things like "I dont like your friends, I want you to see them less" if you get what I mean?
The underlying problem in my eyes is never the piggies itself, its the fact that your wishes arent respected.

It is very true what all the others have said - would he be happier if you spent lots of money on going out and clubbing?

Have you ever directly asked him, "what do you want me to do? work, come home, do the housework, take care of the kids, go to sleep, and back to work again? Arent I allowed to have time for myself, with a hobby *I* choose?"

Because I seriously cant think of any guy who would say "well yes, thats what I had in mind.."
 
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