Bullying

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Darky

I'm here again to provide y'all with some food for thought. ;3

I want you to think back, or to the present, or maybe even fowards to the subject of bullying.

Have you ever suffered bullying? At home, in the work place, at school?

My personal experiences -

When I was six years old, my family moved from Brentwood to North Weald, so I started a new primary school. I was bullied from the word go for a few reasons.

-Hair colour
-Mole on forehead
-Quiet
-A bit slow (Yet ahead in various subjects)
-Was in a wheelchair when travelling to and from school
-Had to stay indoors during lunch and break for a couple years

I have Reynauds Syndrome-type-thingie, you see. 'Thus the wheelchair and staying indoors, I was very sensitive to the cold. Unlike at my last school where something like that would have been interesting to students, at this school I was bullied for it.

I had no friends. I spent lunch and break walking around the edge of the playground over and over again. I sat by myself in the dining hall. In class, I sat by myself. Students did various things to me, from kicking my ankles when I was walking, to pinning me against the wall, to grabbing my hair and smacking my head into the ground, to telling me that they wished I would drown and die because I couldn't swim.

Kids are lovely.

So, then I went onto secondary school, and a lot of the same student went there - so automatically the bullying followed, which other students took up. I had one friend and she kept me going all through secondary school, along with the few others who spoke to me every now and then - preventing me from completely losing faith in humanity.

At secondary school it seemed to escalate. There was a rumour that I was racist (why some girl spread this I do not know, but it seemed just a way to make people who didn't know in Year 7 to hate me.) which was not fun, there was the usual random verbal bullying. I had stones thrown at me, bottles, cans, rubbers, sharpeners, paper, etc. This was an every day thing.

In year 9, someone let on that I was bisexual.

Suddenly everything became ten times worse.

Everything before - but suddenly I was a school celebrity. Everyone knew my name. I kid you not, I was known by most students in every year.

I could not walk without harassment.

I was stalked from class to class, during lunch, during break.

I was asked disgusting and blunt questions, asked the usual "Why are you a lesbian?", any girl that went near me was automatically in for verbal abuse so I became even more of a social recluse. I tried desperately to make my best friend keep away from me so that she didn't have to watch what was happening, to be harassed like I was.

I got kicked and smacked in corridors, constant homophobic abuse, in one class a girl spat and shouted at me - she laughed at me, and she held my head and repeatedly smacked me in the face with a ruler. The teacher saw, and did nothing.

I reported the bullying. I ignored it, I fought back, I laughed at it, I ran away from it, I confronted it.

Nothing worked.

One day I was sexually harassed on a bus and I broke down the next day, unable to go in the same classroom as the person who did it - but I was too paranoid to tell anyone, so eventually I had to.

I missed a lot of class, hiding to do work in my head of year's office. He never tried to prevent the bullying, but he gave me that little safe haven.

I started to cry every day. I would hurt myself. I would hate myself. I had an eating disorder. The muscles wasted away in my knees, I had difficulty walking, the depression would make me constantly feeling physically sick.

One day I completely broke down in a corridor in front of a lot of students and a teacher, I fell down to my knees and shouted and asked why it happened to me, I simply could not get up off of the floor.

Nothing ever changed.

I am a socially awkward person, I suffer with anxiety, I have trust issues and I also suffer with paranoia.

This is what bullying did to me.

To this day, two years later, I sometimes break down and cry and wonder why oh why did everyone hate me so much? I never did one thing wrong.

Now I have managed to make myself a little upset, so I am not going to proof-read this and correct any errors/typos.

So.

Discuss.
 
M

minky

I know exactly how you feel and sadly my son is going through exactly the same sort of crap, he has no friends and is the butt of everyones joke, he keeps himself to himself and tells me well why should i play with people that dont like me
 

michellemuffin

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I use to date my hubby at the Queens head pub in North Weald, think its now demolished but maybe Kngs head still there, ahh memorys we still get a christmas card from Beryl who lives in High street and was a barmaid at Queens head, 28 later.
as for bullying I cannot remember ever being bullied thank good ness in fact i was and always will be a peacemaker even then and would defuse bullys. i absolutly hate bullying all 5 of my kids have never ever been bullies they know my views pretty well, and none have been bullied but it has always been a a real worry,
when one of my boys told me his friend was being bullied by older kids I met my son and his friend from school and got him to point out who was doing it, one good long stare from me and he backed down, I made him feel so small but he never did it again to that particular boy.
God you really went through it at school its such a shame becasue i can look back on my school years with love and total enjoyment but you have the total opposite memorys, bullying is the lowest you can get,
you now need to put it behind you sweetheart otherwise you will let them win, think to yourself they are dirt on your shoe and why on earth would i be letting them in my thoughts even now,
be strong and bannish them from your thoughts, I believe in Karma and know they will get whats coming to them, slightly different here but my daughter in law was bullied by her mother she is an alcaholic, and treats her daughter like scum, until Lisa met me and we talked for hours, I made her see she had to stand up to her mum and not let her rule her life, her mum demanded to be in when she has her c section on 21st Ryan my son said no way but she was wearing lisa down so I told Lisa to say forget it its not going to happen to her mum and dont mention it again, her mum is dispicable how she treats her daughter, she does'nt buy her pressies but spends a fortune on her brother and rubs it in her face, Lisa is now 24 and only now standing up to her mum, i feel so sorry for her so spoil her myself, just to see the look on her face is wonderful,
my mother in law got away with 16 years of bullying me no one believed me other then my mum, hubby did not think his mum could do such things UNTIL he heard a phone call from her to me when she said such nasty things mIck heard on the other phone downstairs and it killed his love for her in an instant as he realised I had been telling him the truth for 16 years, just in time as I had decieded to leave him and take my kids as i did'nt want the kids involved in such a life, thank God for that phone call, she died last year not seeing us for over 10 years so It seems karma took a hand then
theres so many types of bullying, i've had it in the family, from people who you would never think could do such a thing, theres been bullying at work some of the girls have had this on this forum and discussed it, and like you at school, and possibly even sibling bullying,
I really feel for you but urge you not to let them people ruin the rest of your life for you, they will get what they deserve in life, I know, I carried such hatred for my mother in law that only eased at her funeral when i knew she could'nt ever hurt me again,
I wont tell you what I was thinking at the funeral you can guess, we had to think long and hard about going but went for my hubbys sake to say good bye, I did'nt want him to think he never got the chance to say that finally and for good,
 

kellyandpiggies

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I know exactly how you feel.

I could write pages on it.

The jist of mine being - I could walk til I was 10 (genetic disease came out in later life) and then started using a wheelchair and falling over if I didn't. People would abuse me saying it was a put on. I had all that right up to secondary school when I left at 16.

I've been bullied constantly because of my weight too..

You're not alone :-*
 

SweetEdge

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OMG you poor things :'( Bullying is just pathetic - just a way for people to try and make themselves feel better imho... Luckliy I never got bullied at school - but I used to see lots of people who were, so I used to stick up for them, help them out etc etc - I cant stand it.... makes me so angry! All the popular boys and girls picking on the not so popular lot... grrrrrrr - I was hoping in todays schools it had changed - but sounds like it hasnt :'(

/hugs to all of you x

Trace x
 

kellyandpiggies

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Wish I had friends to stick up for me :-\ :-\ My so-called 'friends' could never be bothered
 

darkest.dreaming

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My bullying started when i moved. The usual fat 'jokes' /comments. Lasted all my 5 years of secondary school. My one big worry is that my boy will be bullied too. But at the mo i'm not to concerned. Even though he's 2 i've taught him how to say 'copper' and keep telling him if anyone picks on him tell them his mummy's a copper! And if that don't work i'd go down in me uniform and kick some ass! :) Well, maybe not the last part. ::)
 

kellyandpiggies

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darkest.dreaming said:
Even though he's 2 i've taught him how to say 'copper' and keep telling him if anyone picks on him tell them his mummy's a copper! And if that don't work i'd go down in me uniform and kick some ass! :) Well, maybe not the last part. ::)
LMAO ;D ;D
 

Lucinda

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Darky, your story is horrific.

I had a bad time at school too - hair, weight, because I was clever etc etc.

I tried to deal with it by pretending I didn't care.

Nothing that happened to me was as bad as what happened to you, but I have some idea of your pain. I am so very sorry you had to endure all that.

You are among friends here xx
 

michellemuffin

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darkest.dreaming said:
My bullying started when i moved. The usual fat 'jokes' /comments. Lasted all my 5 years of secondary school. My one big worry is that my boy will be bullied too. But at the mo i'm not to concerned. Even though he's 2 i've taught him how to say 'copper' and keep telling him if anyone picks on him tell them his mummy's a copper! And if that don't work i'd go down in me uniform and kick some ass! :) Well, maybe not the last part. ::)
you'll find being a copper makes no differecne in fact it can go against him in some ways when kids found out MIck was a copper they took the mickey out of it and their parents all said just becasue hes a copper blah blah it got old, and he had to cry off certain calls becasue of trouble families at the kids schools, hres been threatend that his kids would get beaten up and wife raped , I'm afraid in these days it does'nt work, and Mick use to say you dont know my wife mate she'll kick your ass lol so the days of having a little respect for being a copper has long gone thats why Mick got out of it
 

Lucinda

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No school I have heard of ever took bullying seriously. In my case I was told to stay away the rest of the week on one occasion, which suited me as I hated school, but I had been given the equivalent of a suspension for being the victim. On another occasion my group tutor (who was weedy and useless) said it was my fault because of my attitude. My attitude was one of "I don't care" - what else could I do? I had to hide the hurt somehow.

I don't know how bullying is dealt with in the workplace - probably as badly.

It makes me so angry. It ruins lives, as Darky has described.

I can only think that the bullies are jealous. That is usually the problem.
 
B

Beaney

I was also bullied at school - for the simple reason that I was clever. Didn't have many friends at school and if I am honest, I don't now either. I can be socially reclusive, a bit of a loner and I find it hard to trust people. When I am let down by someone, I take it very badly. I think that is why I prefer my animals - you know where you stand with them! I do have a couple of very good friends now who over the last couple of years, have helped me to regain my confidence.

Hugs to everyone here who has suffered at the hands of bullys....
 

alisont

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I was bullied for being a fat at school - i tried to ignore it but it did get to me, i was also bullied by the gym teacher at first school (where i reckon it all started)

I moved onto college after school and was treated equally there, and did well.

Now i work in a college with students with learning difficulties as a support tutor. Bullying always exists - but i am aware of it and i dont ignore it. I have students who are bullies and who are bullied, we are always about for students and try to deal with things as they happen. We work as a team and i spend hours at work supporting students and trying to boost their self esteem, which is often rock bottom.

We spend 80%of our time dealing with behavioural issues and the 'emotional baggage' that our students have, so many have been bullied all the way thru school. A lot of the course is about social skills then teaching and learning.

Our course is good in that each group (max of 10) have 1 tutor and 1 support, but its a never ending battle to be aware of issues and deal with bullying.

Bullying also happens in the workplace - ive been on the recieving end of this too and its not nice - these days I'm more confident so I answered back and have been treated with respect since.

Too often it gets swept under the carpet, or ignored which is so wrong.

Hugs to everyone here, Alison x
 

Lucinda

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In my experience . .

Bullying happens because of girls (nearly always girls I have to say) in gangs. What needs to happen is that these people are separted - they are weak when alone. However, they are often the teachers' pets - in my case anyway, so none of the teachers would believe me/ or more likely they did but wouldn't act on it.
 

Jane

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Bah.. I honestly dunno what to say here, but I'm going through all of this now.

I'm in year 8 at the mo and I've been bullied since I started year 7.. it didn't really happen much in primary school but I knew it would end up happening here. I hate it :( I always come home feeling like crap and never wanna get up in a morning to face them all again. It's not really phsyical bullying though.. all words mainly, but it still gets to me. I hate how people say 'ignore it' aswell.. you can't ignore it, how can you ignore it when it happens every day your at school?
 

sars1359

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I agree,you cant ignore it and the schools are so crap saying they have an anti bullying scheme,thats the biggest b******t ive heard from schools
i started bitching back at the bullies in the end,sometimes you almost have to become one yourself to beat them :(

I dunno why i was so scared of them,once i got one of the girls on her own and totally let rip at her etc she shut up,theyre useless alone
 

michellemuffin

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yep theres saftey in a crowd they are all just cowards alone, they must have an unhappy home to become so nasty and bully people and yes jealousy does play a big part of it i think,
 
S

snugglypig

I have two teenagers who have been picked on since we moved to Ireland, and if it happens on the school bus. It isn't the schools problem.
If it happens in school they ring the other childs parents tell them and there is alot that just don't care what there kids are up to

Bus company doesn't do anything about it, just puts the inspector on the bus. the kids behave the minute he leaves they start again.

the inspector also annouces who has complained so the problem gets worse after.
I can't afford to take them in daily and not only that I have to drop off 3 other at what would be the same time.



I have both going through councilling at the minute, but the eldest has 2 years left there and the other 4 years and the bullies are younger.
no other school in our area

I have run out of idea's just makes me so angry

karen
 
D

Darky

Jane said:
Bah.. I honestly dunno what to say here, but I'm going through all of this now.

I'm in year 8 at the mo and I've been bullied since I started year 7.. it didn't really happen much in primary school but I knew it would end up happening here. I hate it :( I always come home feeling like crap and never wanna get up in a morning to face them all again. It's not really phsyical bullying though.. all words mainly, but it still gets to me. I hate how people say 'ignore it' aswell.. you can't ignore it, how can you ignore it when it happens every day your at school?
This is what bothers me the most - knowing that people have to go through what I went through and similar, that people still do nothing about it, and that it continues to be a growing problem. :C
 

Jane

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Darky said:
This is what bothers me the most - knowing that people have to go through what I went through and similar, that people still do nothing about it, and that it continues to be a growing problem. :C
I do nothing about it because I'm scared to do anything. At my school they have stupid bullying schemes and crap and none of them work. If you get bullied you're supposedly meant to tell someone, then there will be a meeting with that person and there parents will be brought in. Then if anything does actually happen the kid ends up secluded.. yeah, like they care, they're happy to get a week or whatever off school. I've noticed they never do anything if they're on their own though. Like in maths, I sit next to some bitch who would be shouting a load of stuff at me if she was with everyone else, but in maths she doesn't say anything to me (I don't care if she doesn't talk to me either, don't want her to to be honest), and if she does talk to me she's nice? but when she's with all of the others she would never be nice to me. bleh. incase anyones wondering, i get bullied for; being fat, being clever, being quiet, and i dunno really.. basically they just hate me. ehh.
 
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