Feeling Blue

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chelle83

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hey guys
just was wanted somewhere to vent how I'm feeling at the minute without anyone who knows me face to face.

god I feel really crud about myself lately, I hate the way I look, I hate the way I treat people, I just seem to have a built up anger inside and I'm really horrible sometimes. My poor husband gets the brunt of my misery when I snap for no reason, everything seems to wind me up of late.
its been a almost a year since we got married when I looked okayish to myself but not I feel all flabby and horrible.
I'm running most days and yeh I eat good most of the time but when I feel like this I comfort eat and the feel crap for indulging. Its really getting me down as I have a lovely holiday looming which I should be excited about but all I can think about is how horrific Il look in my clothes...so here's my question, how do you learn to love and accept yourself, I'm 31 now and no closer to that and it doesn't matter how much my hubby who I love to bits tells me I'm perfect and there's nothing wrong with me :(I also seem to have irrational thoughts like wanting to cut up all my clothes as I cant fit in them as well and feel really jealous when I see attractive actresses etc
 
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Mother Hubbard

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Awe Hun. I am sorry your feeling so low about your self. I do understand about what you mean. But don't forget that sometimes it's not always what's going on in your head, you could have a hormonal imbalance that is making you angry. I had that for 2 years and I was absolutely horrid to be around. Thereafter I was just used to being angry and not liking myself. But you can get over it.

Identifying the root cause of your feelings are important, how you view yourself is clearly an issue. It could be stemmed from a comment that you don't recall about yourself, said by someone else and it's just hidden within your head. Self reassurance can come in different ways, like standing in front of a mirror everyday and telling yourself, out loud, you look amazing...go on try it for a month, everyday. Do things that make you feel great, if its spending more time doing your hair and being picky over your clothes do it.

It's about changing the perception of yourself which is not easy. Who really cares about what other people think, your loves ones will tell you if things aren't right. They are the only people you want to be listening too. And weirdly from my experience, a genuine person whom you've just come to know can tell you to be strong and you are great and you can take that to heart sometimes moreso than a family member or close friend. Sounds odd I know. This may all sound contradictatory.

I don't listen to anything bad said about me, I choose not too...ignorance is bliss. I know deep down I am not a bad person, in fact the opposite, but I did think I was...why? Hell I have no idea, the feeling just went away because I became centred, figured out who I was, what I liked and didn't. Accepted the person I was. Hell I am not skinny and pretty, I am curvy, funny and apparently gorgeous with amazing eyes...I know this because I started listening to what nice people were saying about me to me.

You can get through this, look for reassurance where you can get it, keep exercising as you will enjoy the buzz and high from it after. I so miss the gym when I am ill, it always makes me feel better. Xx
 

AbiS

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Oh honey, that just sounds so awful for you and it sounds like it is having a real impact on your life. I think there is more going on with you than just disliking the way you look but you have fixated on that - it is probably just a symptom of a wider issue. Mental health problems such as depression and anxiety can creep up on you without you realising it and can take time and professional support before you discover the root cause.

I really recommend that you see your GP, let them know how you are feeling and they can refer you to the appropriate place - maybe Talking Therapies. Please don't let your problems continue making you sad - be proactive and try to give yourself (and your husband) a happy life.

Let me know what you decide to do x
 

Goth Mummy

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I'm so sorry for how miserable you feel. I agree with Abi - I think there is a lot more going on than just not liking your appearance. I would strongly advise contacting your GP, especially as you have mentioned irrational thoughts, and this is clearly having a strong impact on your life.
 

Glynis

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The fact that you felt able to speak on here is a big step! Go one further and chat to your doc love xxxxxxx
It's very hard to turn things around when you're feel down but it can be done with help and I'm sure your hubby will support you to.
Big hugs and take care xxxxxxx
 

chelle83

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thank you for the responses :-)
I think I feel I can talk openly on here as I don't actually know any of you face to face. I know my issues are body perception, it is something I have battled with for years now and when it flares up it makes me feel horrible, this I think is the worst I have felt though.
Its very hard to talk to people you actually know as they just tell you its all in your mind and you look great, your not putting on weight as I am aware that compared to others I am relatively small but it doesn't stop my mind telling me how grotesque I look. Yesterday my hubby was giving me cuddles in bed and when he looked over I was sobbing into my pillow, when he asked what was wrong I had to tell him, I said ts hard to explain but I hate myself and that I can't physically look in the mirror at the minute as all I see is the fat and imperfections. its really hard as I love cuddles and I want to be cuddled by him but when I am it makes me focus more on what I hate as I can feel his hands holding the parts I hate. I also told him I am really dreading our holiday as I don't feel like I will be able to wear my normal clothes because of how I look and It must be really frustrating and sad for him to hear me talk like this when in his mind he sees nothing different.
I know eating well and exercising is the way to looking better and I did this prior to getting married but it was really hard going to get myself looking okish but this is not somthing I want to have to permanantely do mum thinks I have such an unrealistic view of what I should look like. Oh its just horrid feeling like this and not knowing what to do to change this. I always think I should be happy with myself by now but worry this will be how I will always feel. Lots of my friends have had children etc and when they talk abut their bodies they say things like I'm happy with my body as I've had children, well its not like I even have that to blame as we don't have children and dont have any plans for them so I feel I should have the perfect body
 

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I agree with your mum - you have fallen into the trap of a 'perfect body' which you can't be happy without. Nobody has the perfect body. Not without airbrushing/makeup artist following your every move/plastic surgery. Why would anyone want to be perfect? Particularly when everyone's perception of 'perfect' is different.

We all look like you do because we're normal.

In work I sit next to a fitness model, and she is never happy with her body! In my opinion you should exercise to stay healthy, not for 'achieving a look'.

Do other things and forget about the least important thing to worry about (how you look) because you're meant to be human! (Do your piggies worry about how they look?)
 

chelle83

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sorry I didn't mean it to come across exactly like that, now I'm guessing I will just be put in the vein/self obsessed category and its not that at all, thiats exactly why I don't talk to people about how I feel :(
 

Goth Mummy

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No I don't think you are vain and self obsessed. I think you are maybe depressed and focusing on your body image as part of that illness. You are being unkind to yourself and saying negative things to yourself, it is part of depression to do that. If you are so unhappy that you are crying into your pillow then you really do need professional help. Please go to your GP. Life is too fragile and short to spend it being so unhappy.
 

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No, you're just thinking about all this the wrong way. Looks are not important, and thats what you should be reminding yourself. Pick yourself up and reprioritise your thoughts! Its just a different way of thinking :)
 

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Your thought process is now so embedded into your every day life that I don't think you will be able to think differently with out some professional support x
 

chelle83

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just to let everyone know who has commented I have arranged to meet a talking therapist Monday evening to see if this may help me.x
 

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Good luck @chelle83 :D hopefully this is your lowest point and the only thing ahead is positivity to be found. Take it easy, take care of yourself and hopefully things will turn around bit by bit x
 

Claire W

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I have just seen this thread and I agree with everyone else.

I have recently put on two stone very quickly thanks to a medication change. Thankfully I have lost 1 stone already after I have been taken off of it as the particular tablet didn't work for me but I now feel worse about myself than I did before as my clothes don't fit properly.

Coming from someone who suffers from various Mental Health problems, I believe that you feeling bad about your looks isn't the main cause here and the route of the problem goes further.

Well done for arranging the meeting for next Monday. That is a huge step in itself and it'll be good to hit the nail on the head before your issues become worse.

Good luck x
 
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