Grief and guilt

[worrier]

Today my sweet piggy, Penguin, had to be put to sleep. The ultrasound she had showed many cancerous tumours all through her body and the only two options we had were to either wait until she passed in her own time or to help her to cross the rainbow bridge today. I chose the latter option, not wanting to prolong her suffering anymore, and we had a lovely cuddle before the procedure was done.

As well as the sadness, I feel so much guilt. How could I have not noticed that there was anything wrong sooner? If I had noticed sooner would they have been able to perform surgery to get rid of the tumors? So many what if questions are going round my head right now.

I know putting her to sleep was the kindest thing to do but I really wanted more time with her. Yes she has had nearly 6 lovely years on this earth but I wasn't ready for her to go just yet, it all seems so sudden.

She was the sweetest pig. So bossy, always demanding food haha. She gave the best cuddles and she was so smart - she knew her name! She had the best hair and the most cutest face. I will miss you, Penguin.

 

[CTWC]

Penguin certainly is very glamorous what wonderful photos of her
We are never ready to say goodbye to those we love we would always want one more, one more cuddle, one more chance to say what we wanted to just one more moment and we hope that at some point we all get an infinite amount of moments when we are all reunited with those who have gone before us but that does not always help our broken hearts especially in those early times of the grieving process.
Most of us have been through the endless what if moments and there are no answers but we have to remember that our lovely guineas hide any illness or weakness of any kind incredibly well as it is in their nature as prey animals so it is generally extremely difficult to notice things unless there is an obvious outward sign so please be kind to yourself you did all you could for your lovely girl

 

[Wiebke]

Today my sweet piggy, Penguin, had to be put to sleep. The ultrasound she had showed many cancerous tumours all through her body and the only two options we had were to either wait until she passed in her own time or to help her to cross the rainbow bridge today. I chose the latter option, not wanting to prolong her suffering anymore, and we had a lovely cuddle before the procedure was done.

As well as the sadness, I feel so much guilt. How could I have not noticed that there was anything wrong sooner? If I had noticed sooner would they have been able to perform surgery to get rid of the tumors? So many what if questions are going round my head right now.

I know putting her to sleep was the kindest thing to do but I really wanted more time with her. Yes she has had nearly 6 lovely years on this earth but I wasn't ready for her to go just yet, it all seems so sudden.

She was the sweetest pig. So bossy, always demanding food haha. She gave the best cuddles and she was so smart - she knew her name! She had the best hair and the most cutest face. I will miss you, Penguin.

BIG HUGS

I am very sorry for your loss.

Please be aware that we all experience strong feelings of soul-searching, failure or guilt at the onset of the grieving process. They are not an expression of us actually having done anything wrong but an expression of how deeply we love and care. As humans we are unfortunately wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves.

Penguin has been clearly very much loved, cherished and well looked after. You have not failed her in any way, and neither has your vet.
Unfortunately, as prey animals guinea pigs are wired to suppress any symptoms of illness and pain for as long as possible. It's not helped when their much faster metabolism is turning against them during a serious illness/at the end of their lives because it often goes on fast forward with any treatment and medication running two steps behind at all stages. It is tough to witness for any loving owner because it makes you feel so helpless, and that is one of the worst and most difficult feelings for you to deal with.

And no, those lumps were not operable, so you haven't missed anything there. It sounded to me like either highly aggressive lymphoma or some other deadly infection or cancer spreading through the body.

Please try to be sad but without feeling bad and try to be kind with yourself as you go through the grieving process. Seek help if you find yourself stuck in the guilt loop and unable to move on. It is OK to not be OK for a little while but not to the degree of not being able to function or to sleep and not for any length of time.

Thread 'Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children'

Jun 29, 2019

1 The grieving process
- Loss and the start of the grieving process
- Grieving with a terminally ill guinea pig
- Going through the grieving process
2 Ways of coping
- Expressing and processing your feelings
- Regaining your guinea pig
- Burial and marking the passing
- Dealing with special days
3 How do I tell my children?
- Finding local support lines and charities...

• Wiebke
• Replies: 4
• Forum: End of Life and Bereavement Support Corner

• 

For trained support, please contact the free pet bereavement platforms of the Blue Cross (UK animal charity) if you continue to struggle.
Here is the direct link (it is also in the human grieving guide): Pet bereavement and pet loss

My thoughts are with you.

 

[fluffysal]

I'm sorry you had to make the hardest decision for your gorgeous little lady.
Popcorn high over the bridge lovely Penguin

 

[worrier]

Penguin certainly is very glamorous what wonderful photos of her
We are never ready to say goodbye to those we love we would always want one more, one more cuddle, one more chance to say what we wanted to just one more moment and we hope that at some point we all get an infinite amount of moments when we are all reunited with those who have gone before us but that does not always help our broken hearts especially in those early times of the grieving process.
Most of us have been through the endless what if moments and there are no answers but we have to remember that our lovely guineas hide any illness or weakness of any kind incredibly well as it is in their nature as prey animals so it is generally extremely difficult to notice things unless there is an obvious outward sign so please be kind to yourself you did all you could for your lovely girl

I apologise for not replying sooner, I couldn't face talking any more about it because I was so distraught about her passing. Thank you so much for all your kind words, she really was such a glamorous piggie, I love her and miss her dearly.

 

[Truffolo]

What a beautiful piggy she was Run free over the bridge little one

 

[worrier]

BIG HUGS

I am very sorry for your loss.

Please be aware that we all experience strong feeling of soul-searching, failure or guilt at the onset of the grieving process. They are not an expression of us actually having done anything wrong but an expression of how deeply we love and care. As humans we are unfortunately wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves.

Penguin has been clearly very much loved, cherished and well looked after. You have not failed her in any way, and neither has your vet.
Unfortunately, as prey animals guinea pigs are wired to suppress any symptoms of illness and pain for as long as possible. It's not helped when their much faster metabolism is turning against them during a serious illness/at the end of their lives because it often goes on fast forward with any treatment and medication running two steps behind at all stages. It is tough to witness for any loving owner because it makes you feel so helpless, and that is one of the worst and most difficult feelings for you to deal with.

And no, those lumps were not operable, so you haven't missed anything there. It sounded to me like either highly aggressive lymphoma or some other deadly infection or cancer spreading through the body.

Please try to be sad but without feeling bad and try to be kind with yourself as you go through the grieving process. Seek help if you find yourself stuck in the guilt loop and unable to move on. It is OK to not be OK for a little while but not to the degree of not being able to function or to sleep and not for any length of time.

Thread 'Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children'

Jun 29, 2019

1 The grieving process
- Loss and the start of the grieving process
- Grieving with a terminally ill guinea pig
- Going through the grieving process
2 Ways of coping
- Expressing and processing your feelings
- Regaining your guinea pig
- Burial and marking the passing
- Dealing with special days
3 How do I tell my children?
- Finding local support lines and charities...

• Wiebke
• Replies: 4
• Forum: End of Life and Bereavement Support Corner

• 

For trained support, please contact the free pet bereavement platforms of the Blue Cross (UK animal charity) if you continue to struggle.
Here is the direct link (it is also in the human grieving guide): Pet bereavement and pet loss

My thoughts are with you.

Thank you so much for your kind words and the resources you gave me. I read through all the grieving process posts you wrote and they were really helpful. I'm glad no one else thinks I've failed her because I really did love and cherish her. Just have to keep in mind she's in a better place, popcorning high with all her favourite snacks

 

[CTWC]

No need to apologise at all. Sending hugs