paigehut_99
Junior Guinea Pig
I can’t even believe it, but my dear son, Baby, died very suddenly on Sunday. I know guilt and failure are common feelings, and reading everyone’s posts has been so helpful already.
Baby was the last and the youngest of my boar trio. He was such a sweet and gentle piggy. He loved having his nose and ears scritched and would always press into your hand and close his eyes. He also had the loudest wheak ever. I am so grateful for him to live as long as he did (5.5years) and lucky to have had my trio of boys for so long, especially in such a high functioning trio. They were my soul pets and saw me through everything for almost nine years. They really all loved each other so much. Hal and Barry passed away a bit over 1 and 2 ish years ago and both had very traumatic deaths for different reasons. I knew that after Baby passed on, I wouldn’t and couldn’t continue the piggy cycle anymore.
When Hal passed away, Baby had acute pining and stopped eating and would hardly move, it was so scary! There were no available boars at any of the nearby rescues and the closest one I could find was over three hours away. Pleakly was only a few weeks old and had just been separated from his mother and sisters only a couple days before. As SOON as we brought Pleakly home, Baby started doting over him and immediately improved. And it was perfect having such a young pig that Baby could socialize and maybe finally have a chance at being top pig (Spoiler: he got passed as soon as Pleakly was bigger than him. He was ever the pushover and a massive suck). The two of them got on great and lived very happily together.
This is where the guilt starts coming in. I lost Barry very suddenly from complications during a teeth shaving. I had a feeling going in that he wasn’t going to make it out because he was 7ish and not the hardiest of pigs. When Hal started declining around a year later, I think the trauma of losing Barry so suddenly in an operation made me hold off on putting Hal to sleep maybe a little longer than I should have because I didn’t want to put grandma down for a broken leg, so to speak. It was also so much work at the end of his life with cc feedings and meds around the clock. I think all that happening so fast and getting Pleakly so soon for Baby’s health left me in a weird place. We also had a beloved cat die suddenly within the last six months.
I have definitely been keeping a piece of myself from Pleakly because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep him his whole life and thought I was irresponsible getting a pet I knew I couldn’t see through his life. The guilt caused me to gall behind on cage cleanings, nail trimmings, and outside cage time. And the shame from not doing the things I know I need to, and have been able to do in the past, made me even more immobilized. I’m glad to say that in the last five or six months, that I’ve been doing a lot better and a lot kinder to myself in that regard. And this forum helped me tremendously with those feelings! It was so so helpful to have a judgement free place where the answer wasn’t just “well you have to, so you better do it.”
With Baby going so suddenly, I feel awful because he hadn’t been outside the cage or had lap time in a while. And all of those feelings of guilt and shame came flooding back. I justified it because their enclosure is huge and they had each other, which was better socialization than me. But I think that’s just guilt and shame looking for an excuse. And I went camping the night before, so I didn’t get to feed him his last veggies or breakfast in the morning (my girlfriend did). I didn’t really see them in the day except when I went into the room, and they seemed fine and munching on hay and it was all dandy. I did get to give him his digestive oxbow cookie at least. When I finally went to feed them their night veggies, Baby was already cold. He was in one of his favourite cozy spots so I’m hoping it was quick and he wasn’t in pain. At least Pleakly was there with him.
When Barry was dying, although I was assured he was sedated and couldn’t feel it, it was very physical. But I was glad I could be there for his last breaths. When Hal died, I really couldn’t go through that again, so I said goodbye to him while he was still conscious. We played our favourite game, kisses for scritches, and I asked the vets if they could give him a dandelion and cilantro before they took him back to put him under. But I still got to say goodbye. I’m just so devastated that I couldn’t be there for Baby or at the possibility of him being in pain or that there was something going on for much longer that I didn’t know about. I feel like I really failed him by not giving him the life he deserved in his last months of life. I didn’t neglect them by any stretch but I used to take them out for floor time almost everyday. My girlfriend tries to make me feel better by saying that my life is very different now that it was then. Which is true, but then I feel bad because he deserved the life I was giving him then.
I am certainly not in a place in my life where I can continue the Guinea pig cycle. Baby’s death marks the end of a whole era as the last of the trio, which brings up a whole different side of grief. I now have just Pleakly who is not even two yet. He’s hardly been alone in his life so I don’t want him to get depressed or from finding a new friend, but I also don’t want to rush him out the door and make him feel like I don’t care about him or that I was just using him until I was done with him.
That was a lot but I felt there was a lot of context needed and there’s a lot of feelings coming up. I would really appreciate any insights if people have gone through anything similar. I know logically that I’m not a failure and I have them a great life but I need people who get Guinea pigs to remind me.
Thank you all for creating such a safe and educational space. I'm not a frequent poster but I am a frequent reader! And I’ve deeply valued everyone’s knowledge and compassion over the years. It has truly been lifesaving at times.
Baby was the last and the youngest of my boar trio. He was such a sweet and gentle piggy. He loved having his nose and ears scritched and would always press into your hand and close his eyes. He also had the loudest wheak ever. I am so grateful for him to live as long as he did (5.5years) and lucky to have had my trio of boys for so long, especially in such a high functioning trio. They were my soul pets and saw me through everything for almost nine years. They really all loved each other so much. Hal and Barry passed away a bit over 1 and 2 ish years ago and both had very traumatic deaths for different reasons. I knew that after Baby passed on, I wouldn’t and couldn’t continue the piggy cycle anymore.
When Hal passed away, Baby had acute pining and stopped eating and would hardly move, it was so scary! There were no available boars at any of the nearby rescues and the closest one I could find was over three hours away. Pleakly was only a few weeks old and had just been separated from his mother and sisters only a couple days before. As SOON as we brought Pleakly home, Baby started doting over him and immediately improved. And it was perfect having such a young pig that Baby could socialize and maybe finally have a chance at being top pig (Spoiler: he got passed as soon as Pleakly was bigger than him. He was ever the pushover and a massive suck). The two of them got on great and lived very happily together.
This is where the guilt starts coming in. I lost Barry very suddenly from complications during a teeth shaving. I had a feeling going in that he wasn’t going to make it out because he was 7ish and not the hardiest of pigs. When Hal started declining around a year later, I think the trauma of losing Barry so suddenly in an operation made me hold off on putting Hal to sleep maybe a little longer than I should have because I didn’t want to put grandma down for a broken leg, so to speak. It was also so much work at the end of his life with cc feedings and meds around the clock. I think all that happening so fast and getting Pleakly so soon for Baby’s health left me in a weird place. We also had a beloved cat die suddenly within the last six months.
I have definitely been keeping a piece of myself from Pleakly because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep him his whole life and thought I was irresponsible getting a pet I knew I couldn’t see through his life. The guilt caused me to gall behind on cage cleanings, nail trimmings, and outside cage time. And the shame from not doing the things I know I need to, and have been able to do in the past, made me even more immobilized. I’m glad to say that in the last five or six months, that I’ve been doing a lot better and a lot kinder to myself in that regard. And this forum helped me tremendously with those feelings! It was so so helpful to have a judgement free place where the answer wasn’t just “well you have to, so you better do it.”
With Baby going so suddenly, I feel awful because he hadn’t been outside the cage or had lap time in a while. And all of those feelings of guilt and shame came flooding back. I justified it because their enclosure is huge and they had each other, which was better socialization than me. But I think that’s just guilt and shame looking for an excuse. And I went camping the night before, so I didn’t get to feed him his last veggies or breakfast in the morning (my girlfriend did). I didn’t really see them in the day except when I went into the room, and they seemed fine and munching on hay and it was all dandy. I did get to give him his digestive oxbow cookie at least. When I finally went to feed them their night veggies, Baby was already cold. He was in one of his favourite cozy spots so I’m hoping it was quick and he wasn’t in pain. At least Pleakly was there with him.
When Barry was dying, although I was assured he was sedated and couldn’t feel it, it was very physical. But I was glad I could be there for his last breaths. When Hal died, I really couldn’t go through that again, so I said goodbye to him while he was still conscious. We played our favourite game, kisses for scritches, and I asked the vets if they could give him a dandelion and cilantro before they took him back to put him under. But I still got to say goodbye. I’m just so devastated that I couldn’t be there for Baby or at the possibility of him being in pain or that there was something going on for much longer that I didn’t know about. I feel like I really failed him by not giving him the life he deserved in his last months of life. I didn’t neglect them by any stretch but I used to take them out for floor time almost everyday. My girlfriend tries to make me feel better by saying that my life is very different now that it was then. Which is true, but then I feel bad because he deserved the life I was giving him then.
I am certainly not in a place in my life where I can continue the Guinea pig cycle. Baby’s death marks the end of a whole era as the last of the trio, which brings up a whole different side of grief. I now have just Pleakly who is not even two yet. He’s hardly been alone in his life so I don’t want him to get depressed or from finding a new friend, but I also don’t want to rush him out the door and make him feel like I don’t care about him or that I was just using him until I was done with him.
That was a lot but I felt there was a lot of context needed and there’s a lot of feelings coming up. I would really appreciate any insights if people have gone through anything similar. I know logically that I’m not a failure and I have them a great life but I need people who get Guinea pigs to remind me.
Thank you all for creating such a safe and educational space. I'm not a frequent poster but I am a frequent reader! And I’ve deeply valued everyone’s knowledge and compassion over the years. It has truly been lifesaving at times.
