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Having a dreadful year so far :-(

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katiepops

katiepops

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2011 couldn't of got of to a much worse start.
I never normaly post about personal things on here but I'm beside myself.
My boyfriend left me yesterday after 10 years together.
I am devestated and don't know what to do. We rent a house together and without his share of the rent and bills I can't afford to stay here or even get somewhere on my own. The most I coud afford is a room in a shared house. But what about my pigs? 8...
I'm 32 years old, I've spent most of my adult life with him. We've made a home together and have our pig family together.
It's bad enough losing him but losing my home and my pigs as well, I can't bare it.
I can't have children and to me my pigs are the closest thing I'll ever get.
What am I going to do? 8...
 
Oh I am so sorry, I am rubbish with advice but just wanted to offer hugs. Is there anyway you could keep the house and take on a lodger?
 
Oh hun, I really do not no what to say :( I am so very sorry that this has happened. Do you no for sure that your ex just doesn't need some breathing space? 10 years is a long time to just walk out of a relationship.

Please try and stay strong although I know it is easy for me to say. (((hugs))) x
 
Oh hon i'm so sorry to hear this, what an utterly devastating thing to happen at any time, let alone the start of a new year. My heart really goes out to you.

At the moment everything's going to be completely messed up in your head and of course you've had a massive shock.

Is he going to pay the rent for this month? Because he should, at least this month in fact. Then that gives you time to have a think and look around.

Don't worry about your piggies (how many you have btw?) There's always a way round these things, even if it's having some of them fostered for a bit until you get back on your feet.

For now take comfort in your friends and family and I strongly advise to take whatever you can from your ex, and dont be soft on him either. Sometimes difficult, but I hate it when women let blokes s%%t on them time and time again.rolleyes

Anyway lots of hugs and thinking of you, let us help you out it's good to have the support on here to keep you strong.
Alyson xxxxxx
 
Claire W said:
Oh hun, I really do not no what to say :( I am so very sorry that this has happened. Do you no for sure that your ex just doesn't need some breathing space? 10 years is a long time to just walk out of a relationship.

Please try and stay strong although I know it is easy for me to say. (((hugs))) x
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haha, there's me on the other side saying dont let him get away with it and i didn't even think about him being allowed back. I've had too many bad relationship endings!
 
Oh Katie I am so sorry,that is pretty tough.I know things will seem pretty tough but it will get better.My daughter split with her partner last year,amicably.She pannicked initially,but we were able to help her get a rent to buy house,and she is now settled and enjoying the single life and having fun.Admittedly it's not easy and money is tight.Are your parents able to help you in any way,I would go to the ends of the earth for my kids,but I know that not everyone is in the finnancial position to help as much as they would like.I'm sending a big (((hug))) cause it sounds like that what you need more than anything at the moment
 
Thanks guys.
You're right I am a complete mess right now.
He left the house at 11.30am to clear his head and hasn't come back yet.
He has promised to pay this months rent and has no where to go so wants to stay in the spare room! At least if he's here I can stay in the house but how can we live like housemates after 10 years together?
He pays £600 a month towards the rent and bills and I know I can't get a lodger to pay anyway near that. I'm struggling financially as it is but I had a plan and was finally managing to pay off my debts. For the first time in over a year he's got a full time job. I though he was loving it but he works nights and we've hardly seen each other over the last 3 months. We've just drifted apart but nothing that a little effort from both of us can't fix.
He's always suffered with depression and has seen a counsellor for a few sessions a little while ago but I know he needs to be on anti depressants and he desperately needs help, I just don't know how to make him see sense.
He's just hit the self destruct button.

My poor boys, they're booked in for neutering on 11 January so they can have girlfriends.
There's no way I can go ahead with that now when I don't know how I'm going to look after 5 let alone 8!
 
Jac62 said:
Oh Katie I am so sorry,that is pretty tough.I know things will seem pretty tough but it will get better.My daughter split with her partner last year,amicably.She pannicked initially,but we were able to help her get a rent to buy house,and she is now settled and enjoying the single life and having fun.Admittedly it's not easy and money is tight.Are your parents able to help you in any way,I would go to the ends of the earth for my kids,but I know that not everyone is in the finnancial position to help as much as they would like.I'm sending a big (((hug))) cause it sounds like that what you need more than anything at the moment
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My parents could help me financially but I would never ask them and they would never offer.
The problem is that 5 1/2 years ago, 1 month before our wedding he left me.
We were apart for 1 1/2 years, neither of us moved on, he realised he'd made a huge mistake and we got back together again. My parents helped me out so much but were not happy at all about us getting back together.
Our relationship has been strained ever since but finally they were beginning to accept him again.
He's a good man, the kindest most loving man I could ever wish to be with but he needs help with his depression and I've tried so hard but I don't know what else to do for him.
 
oh dear. glad he's paying this month's rent. As for staying in the spare room? Probably not the best idea for either of you. Perhaps he does just need a bit of space. Is there anywhere that he can go and stay for a week or so to try and sort his head out?

That is a shame about your boys, I think you should go ahead with it anyway if that's what you wanted to do for them.

Do you have any friends nearby that you could visit to save you sitting in waiting for him to come home? x
 
katiepops said:
Thanks guys.
You're right I am a complete mess right now.
He left the house at 11.30am to clear his head and hasn't come back yet.
He has promised to pay this months rent and has no where to go so wants to stay in the spare room! At least if he's here I can stay in the house but how can we live like housemates after 10 years together?
He pays £600 a month towards the rent and bills and I know I can't get a lodger to pay anyway near that. I'm struggling financially as it is but I had a plan and was finally managing to pay off my debts. For the first time in over a year he's got a full time job. I though he was loving it but he works nights and we've hardly seen each other over the last 3 months. We've just drifted apart but nothing that a little effort from both of us can't fix.
He's always suffered with depression and has seen a counsellor for a few sessions a little while ago but I know he needs to be on anti depressants and he desperately needs help, I just don't know how to make him see sense.
He's just hit the self destruct button.

My poor boys, they're booked in for neutering on 11 January so they can have girlfriends.
There's no way I can go ahead with that now when I don't know how I'm going to look after 5 let alone 8!
Click to expand...

Sorry as we all are to hear your news. But keep your chin up Tomorrows another day, I'm sure he'll be back with his tail between his legs, just give him time. Christmas is a strain on everyone, Regards & hugs
 
katiepops said:
My parents could help me financially but I would never ask them and they would never offer.
The problem is that 5 1/2 years ago, 1 month before our wedding he left me.
We were apart for 1 1/2 years, neither of us moved on, he realised he'd made a huge mistake and we got back together again. My parents helped me out so much but were not happy at all about us getting back together.
Our relationship has been strained ever since but finally they were beginning to accept him again.
He's a good man, the kindest most loving man I could ever wish to be with but he needs help with his depression and I've tried so hard but I don't know what else to do for him.
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sorry just read this post
I think if you've tried your hardest with him to help him with his depression and it hasn't worked then I think that you should consider that a sign hon. Dont let him do exactly the same thing to you again that he did to you before your wedding. You might think he's a good kind man but it's not fair for him to do this to you. You HAVE to think about yourself now x
 
I can understand your parents,we were never too keen on my daughters boyfriend,despite helping them out with mouse moves and equiping new houses for them,it was a relief when they finished.Unfortunatly,I think we cannot choose our children's partners so have to accept them the best we can.
 
oh no ive just read this i am so sorry.

i also think that after ten years together you both need to sit down and talk, if not about your relationship at least about what you are going to do now.

If you have just drifted apart, but still care for each other, is there no way at all that you could live together as housemates only? I saw this happen on a documentary on tv once and it worked superbly! I know it sounds extreme, but could be an option?

Whatever happens, like someone else said, he could be a lovely kind man, but he has let you down before and could again, if it is down to depression, there is only him that can do something about it. Maybe it is time for you to make the break, its not such a bad old world out there honestly, its just different when you have been in a comfort zone of a couple for years. I hope that doesnt sound horrible i certainly dont mean it to.

I am the opposite, i was single for over ten years then got with my fella two years ago (tomorrow!) and sometimes i crave to be single!

Try not to let it get the better of you sweetheart, you are a grown up and can deal with this x>>
 
Lexybee is having trouble getting onto the forum tonight but she says feel free to pm her anytime if you need to talk and BIG HUGS.
 
Hi, I'm not very good at advice but I didn't want to read and run. I really feel for you. I'm sorry you are going thru this. Take care ((((hugs))))
 
I'm off to bed now but please feel free to talk to us on here, and you can PM me too. Lots of love ang hugs from me and my piggies Alyson x:)p
 
Hey, it decided to be nice to me now go figure!

Katie,

Living is the hardest part of life. Whats happend to you is awful, the struggles you go through now at this point in your life will define you later. I promise that you are strong enough to get through this, it may seem endless right now. But you can do it, and i'm always here to help whatever way I can.

When I was twelve, I went through something awful, that would break most people. I nearly didn't get GCSE's and an education, If I had let it break me, or succeded in one of the twelve times I've tried to end my life, I would not have what I do now: A husband, animals and a loving family. A house.

Don't give up, don't give in. Because the hardest things in life come with hard work, I'm sorry. I don't have any better things to say, I don't have any practical advice either. Except... could you downsize? Explain the situation to your landlord? Mine were very understanding. I can't vouch for yours though.

I don't want to get your hopes up, but I know that when I make snap decisions when I'm depressed, I regret them later. Bare in mind that he may not be thinking straight.

I agree with whoever said you atleast need to sit down and talk about the practical sides, if it is just that you've drifted apart, or what ever the reason an adult approact is needed in this situation.

You can always stay here with your pigs, I have a spare bedroom and room for pigs :)

There is always a light at the end of the tunnle, trust me ;)

Now, *hugs* chin up and look straight ahead, you're going to be fine chick!

Love you xoxoxoxo
 
omg hun, I really dont know what to say to make things better. I really feel for you though and remember all your piggy friends are here for you anytime you need to talk xxxxx
 
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