Overview
1 The Grieving Process
- Loss and the onset of the grieving process
- Grieving with a terminally ill piggy
- Going through the grieving process
2 Ways of Coping
- Expressing and processing your feelings
- Regaining your guinea pig
- Burial and marking the passing
- Dealing with special days
3 How Do I Tell My Children?
- Finding local bereavement support and charities
- Recommended children's books for pet bereavement at different ages
- How to introduce a new cavy companion?
- More helpful links and resources for supporting grieving children
4 Accessing Support for Adults
5 Further Helpful Articles
Losing a beloved pet can really hit you much harder than you could have ever imagined, whether you are braced for it or not. Pets are the beings we can love unreservedly; they do not question us and they accept us as we are - and still love us even when we are unable to love ourselves. But this also means that the other side of the love, grief, is hitting us in the same measure as we have loved.
Losing a pet is also often our first encounter with death. In a society where death is usually pushed behind closed doors, our vague concept as a gently drifting away in one's forever sleep usually crashes down onto the hard floor of reality. The dying process is a lot more physical than expected and there are no or very few coping mechanisms and rituals in place. This can mean that you feel totally overwhelmed and lost.
This guide link here tells you what you can do for your bereaved guinea pigs: Looking After A Bereaved Guinea Pig
1 The Grieving Process
Loss and the start of the grieving process
The onset of the grieving process is generally characterised by feelings of guilt or failure; we all experience them to some degree or other. It usually takes quite some time until head and heart come together again.
Your emotions can be a lot stronger in the wake of an unexpected/unexplained sudden death, a major battle for the life of a beloved piggy, a freak accident, a failed race to see a vet or if you have had to make the heart-breaking decision to put your piggy to sleep (pts).
Soul searching and the need to make sense of what has just happened are part of how our human brains are wired; we instinctively seek any fault in our ourselves. It is actually not a sign of failure in any way, but it is in fact a clear expression that we are responsible and loving owners! We have unfortunately all too often no control over how soon or what from our guinea pigs die from, nor can even the most knowledgeable vets cure or even recognise everything - veterinary medicine is on the same fast learning curve as we owners are with expanding horizons and new problems on them appearing all the time.
What really matters is how well we care for our pets and how happy we make each day for them while we have them, as far as our guinea pigs are concerned. They don't have a concept for longevity and a good life span, but they certainly know when they are happy, loved and well cared for!
Total devastation after a loss and intense anger in cases where treatment or holiday care has gone wrong are also very common at the onset of the grieving process.
Making sense of what has happened is not easy and is sadly often a question you will never be able to answer fully. If the need to know is very strong, you can ask for a post-mortem examination from your vet; but they are not quite cheap and - depending on the nature of the problem - may not give you the longed-for answer.
Feeling totally empty, numb and unreal in the wake of a loss is also a very normal first reaction until you are ready to deal with the reality of your loss. It is like you have been given a local anaesthetic for your soul so you can go through the motions without feeling them until is safe for you to do so.
As the loss is often connected with some major drama, deep worries, lack of sleep and conflicting but intense emotions in the run up and during the first days after your loss, the adrenaline high is bound to run out sooner or later. At some point you also reach the phase in which the full reality of your loss is sinking in and you are starting to accept it.
The combination of an adrenaline hangover, sheer physical exhaustion, the very tangible reality of a big gap in your life and the heart-wrenching need of having to re-train yourself in your daily routine to no longer include a beloved face will cause what I call the 'Big Blues' phase. Be kind to yourself during this stage, try to rest as much as you can and look for things and activities that make you feel better.
Grieving with a terminally ill guinea pig
The grieving dynamics are different but no less intense if you are told that your guinea pig has a terminal illness.
Your grieving process starts the moment you realise that you have only limited time left with your guinea pig. The upset and intense emotions at this moment mirror those you experience after an unexpected death. It is in fact the second-worst low point of the whole grieving process, apart from death itself.
Please give yourself some time to digest the news if circumstances allow, but if possible try to avoid denial. If you face up to your loss, you will actually work through a good deal of the grieving process by accompanying your guinea pig on its way and will have a somewhat easier time after your guinea pig has died. The actual pain of the loss is never any less because that is determined by the closeness of your individual bond. But if you do it right, you won't be left with regrets.
Dealing with the ups and downs of terminal illness and the worry of recognising the right time for saying goodbye can be very stressful. In between your guinea pig gradually deteriorating and losing its quality of life and the point where you are keeping your guinea pig alive because of your own bereavement fears, there is a grey zone in which you are free when to call the shots. You can't go wrong if you keep your guinea pig's quality of life and welfare upmost in mind well before your own fears of loss. Mounting vet and medication cost can also play a legitimate role in how long you can support a guinea pig.
Generally you are trying to hang on a bit longer with your first guinea pigs than when you are a long term owner for whom euthanasia is no less heart-breaking but no longer as frightening.
.
A good way of not falling into the trap of keeping a piggy going past the time it is ready to leave itself is to support feed it only from a bowl or with a spoon. The moment it is no longer interested in its food is the time to let it make its way to the Rainbow Bridge.
In most cases you will know when your guinea pig is too ill, anyway, but it is very normal (and we all do it, however experienced) to question yourself when you are coming close to or are already in the grey zone.
But there is one huge gift hidden in the devastating news: You have still the opportunity to say and do everything you want and need to. You can really make the remaining time count! Love transcends time, and you can pack a lifetime's worth into just a moment.
As bitter-sweet as the experience is, it is in your control just how bitter or how sweet you make this period, so that when the time comes you can avoid feeling like you have failed your beloved one - because you KNOW for sure that you haven't!
Please be courageous and make the best of this opportunity for both your guinea pig and yourself!
Going through the grieving process
Later on, it is generally the many little unthinking ways in which your daily interaction and your close bond has connected you that can catch you out unawares several times a day at first and gradually less so in the most painful way, like ripping off a scab over a healing wound. These reminders are all the more jarring because you cannot brace for them.
Sometimes you can also experience a very physical need to hold and cuddle your piggy again - just one more time.
Trying to experience it in its sensory fullness as part of a mindfulness exercise cannot come close to the real thing, but it can help a little.
Sadly a flash of memory, a specific situation or a sensory experience can bring up the whole loss again all of a sudden.
Grieving can be like a spiral in which you revisit certain events and feelings, but hopefully from a slightly different perspective and with a less painful impact each time. If the impact remains as high as ever or if you continue to struggle coping with flashbacks, please seek support as you may suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in some form.
It is however very normal to be extremely jittery when you are confronted with the same or similar symptoms or situations (like agreeing to another operation after a failed one). It takes a real leap of faith, the same as you have to get back on a horse after a bad fall.
In some cases it can take a very long time until you are feeling just sad that your piggy is no longer with you, but you are feeling equally blessed for having had this amazing bond and this special presence in your life. Because it is such an integral part of your life and what you are as person, your piggy is staying with you for as long as you live and remember. You will never stop missing those that have gone, but you and your life would also be a lot poorer without those we all can love unreservedly! You will carry that richness that your guinea pigs have given you with you all the time. That is their wonderful legacy, even if it comes at a painful price.
1 The Grieving Process
- Loss and the onset of the grieving process
- Grieving with a terminally ill piggy
- Going through the grieving process
2 Ways of Coping
- Expressing and processing your feelings
- Regaining your guinea pig
- Burial and marking the passing
- Dealing with special days
3 How Do I Tell My Children?
- Finding local bereavement support and charities
- Recommended children's books for pet bereavement at different ages
- How to introduce a new cavy companion?
- More helpful links and resources for supporting grieving children
4 Accessing Support for Adults
5 Further Helpful Articles
Losing a beloved pet can really hit you much harder than you could have ever imagined, whether you are braced for it or not. Pets are the beings we can love unreservedly; they do not question us and they accept us as we are - and still love us even when we are unable to love ourselves. But this also means that the other side of the love, grief, is hitting us in the same measure as we have loved.
Losing a pet is also often our first encounter with death. In a society where death is usually pushed behind closed doors, our vague concept as a gently drifting away in one's forever sleep usually crashes down onto the hard floor of reality. The dying process is a lot more physical than expected and there are no or very few coping mechanisms and rituals in place. This can mean that you feel totally overwhelmed and lost.
This guide link here tells you what you can do for your bereaved guinea pigs: Looking After A Bereaved Guinea Pig
1 The Grieving Process
Loss and the start of the grieving process
The onset of the grieving process is generally characterised by feelings of guilt or failure; we all experience them to some degree or other. It usually takes quite some time until head and heart come together again.
Your emotions can be a lot stronger in the wake of an unexpected/unexplained sudden death, a major battle for the life of a beloved piggy, a freak accident, a failed race to see a vet or if you have had to make the heart-breaking decision to put your piggy to sleep (pts).
Soul searching and the need to make sense of what has just happened are part of how our human brains are wired; we instinctively seek any fault in our ourselves. It is actually not a sign of failure in any way, but it is in fact a clear expression that we are responsible and loving owners! We have unfortunately all too often no control over how soon or what from our guinea pigs die from, nor can even the most knowledgeable vets cure or even recognise everything - veterinary medicine is on the same fast learning curve as we owners are with expanding horizons and new problems on them appearing all the time.
What really matters is how well we care for our pets and how happy we make each day for them while we have them, as far as our guinea pigs are concerned. They don't have a concept for longevity and a good life span, but they certainly know when they are happy, loved and well cared for!
Total devastation after a loss and intense anger in cases where treatment or holiday care has gone wrong are also very common at the onset of the grieving process.
Making sense of what has happened is not easy and is sadly often a question you will never be able to answer fully. If the need to know is very strong, you can ask for a post-mortem examination from your vet; but they are not quite cheap and - depending on the nature of the problem - may not give you the longed-for answer.
Feeling totally empty, numb and unreal in the wake of a loss is also a very normal first reaction until you are ready to deal with the reality of your loss. It is like you have been given a local anaesthetic for your soul so you can go through the motions without feeling them until is safe for you to do so.
As the loss is often connected with some major drama, deep worries, lack of sleep and conflicting but intense emotions in the run up and during the first days after your loss, the adrenaline high is bound to run out sooner or later. At some point you also reach the phase in which the full reality of your loss is sinking in and you are starting to accept it.
The combination of an adrenaline hangover, sheer physical exhaustion, the very tangible reality of a big gap in your life and the heart-wrenching need of having to re-train yourself in your daily routine to no longer include a beloved face will cause what I call the 'Big Blues' phase. Be kind to yourself during this stage, try to rest as much as you can and look for things and activities that make you feel better.
Grieving with a terminally ill guinea pig
The grieving dynamics are different but no less intense if you are told that your guinea pig has a terminal illness.
Your grieving process starts the moment you realise that you have only limited time left with your guinea pig. The upset and intense emotions at this moment mirror those you experience after an unexpected death. It is in fact the second-worst low point of the whole grieving process, apart from death itself.
Please give yourself some time to digest the news if circumstances allow, but if possible try to avoid denial. If you face up to your loss, you will actually work through a good deal of the grieving process by accompanying your guinea pig on its way and will have a somewhat easier time after your guinea pig has died. The actual pain of the loss is never any less because that is determined by the closeness of your individual bond. But if you do it right, you won't be left with regrets.
Dealing with the ups and downs of terminal illness and the worry of recognising the right time for saying goodbye can be very stressful. In between your guinea pig gradually deteriorating and losing its quality of life and the point where you are keeping your guinea pig alive because of your own bereavement fears, there is a grey zone in which you are free when to call the shots. You can't go wrong if you keep your guinea pig's quality of life and welfare upmost in mind well before your own fears of loss. Mounting vet and medication cost can also play a legitimate role in how long you can support a guinea pig.
Generally you are trying to hang on a bit longer with your first guinea pigs than when you are a long term owner for whom euthanasia is no less heart-breaking but no longer as frightening.
.
A good way of not falling into the trap of keeping a piggy going past the time it is ready to leave itself is to support feed it only from a bowl or with a spoon. The moment it is no longer interested in its food is the time to let it make its way to the Rainbow Bridge.
In most cases you will know when your guinea pig is too ill, anyway, but it is very normal (and we all do it, however experienced) to question yourself when you are coming close to or are already in the grey zone.
But there is one huge gift hidden in the devastating news: You have still the opportunity to say and do everything you want and need to. You can really make the remaining time count! Love transcends time, and you can pack a lifetime's worth into just a moment.
As bitter-sweet as the experience is, it is in your control just how bitter or how sweet you make this period, so that when the time comes you can avoid feeling like you have failed your beloved one - because you KNOW for sure that you haven't!
Please be courageous and make the best of this opportunity for both your guinea pig and yourself!
Going through the grieving process
Later on, it is generally the many little unthinking ways in which your daily interaction and your close bond has connected you that can catch you out unawares several times a day at first and gradually less so in the most painful way, like ripping off a scab over a healing wound. These reminders are all the more jarring because you cannot brace for them.
Sometimes you can also experience a very physical need to hold and cuddle your piggy again - just one more time.
Trying to experience it in its sensory fullness as part of a mindfulness exercise cannot come close to the real thing, but it can help a little.
Sadly a flash of memory, a specific situation or a sensory experience can bring up the whole loss again all of a sudden.
Grieving can be like a spiral in which you revisit certain events and feelings, but hopefully from a slightly different perspective and with a less painful impact each time. If the impact remains as high as ever or if you continue to struggle coping with flashbacks, please seek support as you may suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in some form.
It is however very normal to be extremely jittery when you are confronted with the same or similar symptoms or situations (like agreeing to another operation after a failed one). It takes a real leap of faith, the same as you have to get back on a horse after a bad fall.
In some cases it can take a very long time until you are feeling just sad that your piggy is no longer with you, but you are feeling equally blessed for having had this amazing bond and this special presence in your life. Because it is such an integral part of your life and what you are as person, your piggy is staying with you for as long as you live and remember. You will never stop missing those that have gone, but you and your life would also be a lot poorer without those we all can love unreservedly! You will carry that richness that your guinea pigs have given you with you all the time. That is their wonderful legacy, even if it comes at a painful price.
