I have a complaint for the GPU!

Princess Dustmop

Princess Dustmop

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Greetings Fellow Piggies!
I, Latte, would like to file a complaint with the guinea pig union. The other evening, one of the humans here did something unthinkable! She had already yelled "pig-pigs!" up the stairs and was bringing our dinner goodies up the stairs. Lexa, the majestic Princess Dustmop, and I were squeaking and running around excitedly, of course. The human started by scattering Lexa's lettuce all around her cage, I mean, castle, and I decided to try chewing on my cage because I've heard it was an effective way to make noise. The human had the audacity to scold me for it! I continued because I wanted my greens. And you won't believe it, but she told me no again and THEN she walked out of the room with my greens! I scampered and wheeked in dismay, and she did rush back in and give me my goodies. I can't believe she had this sort of lapse and almost starved me! Did she forget that she didn't give me my greens first? It was quite distressing. Have any of your humans ever done this?
She has started giving me green bean recently. Lexa doesn't seem very excited but won't let me have hers either. I think this is the most wonderful treat since carrot sticks! The human says I'll be able to have a whole green bean instead of half soon, though, which is really exciting!

Sincerely,
Latte
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Greetings, Latte!

I just cannot believe your slave put you through this trama! How unsettling. Did you make sure to punish the the offender right away by ignoring her for a week? My slaves are much more well behaved, but I you have gotten me thinking. I will get to work on this case right away, don't you worry. If the human becomes too much for you, perhaps we could find a replacement.

Sincerely,

Clover, GPU

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Dear Latte

What was your Hooman thinking of not giving you your greens?!? What absolutely despicable behaviour! You were quite right to let her know that she almost left you to starve. Cage biting is a very good way to make a noise. It annoys Hoomans and is also a good way to get attention but you shouldn't be told off for it.

Hoomans are by their very nature stupid. Follow these simple instructions and this behaviour shouldn't happen again.

1. Wheek loudly whenever you hear your Hooman on the stairs (this should be quite often if the loo is upstairs).
2. Wheek loudly whenever you hear your Hooman downstairs
3. Wheek whenever you feel like it.

Your Hooman will be so fed up of you wheeking that she will feed you just to keep you quiet.

Yours in hope that you are never starved again

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward.
 
Adelyn said:
Greetings, Latte!

I just cannot believe your slave put you through this trama! How unsettling. Did you make sure to punish the the offender right away by ignoring her for a week? My slaves are much more well behaved, but I you have gotten me thinking. I will get to work on this case right away, don't you worry. If the human becomes too much for you, perhaps we could find a replacement.

Sincerely,

Clover, GPU

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Hello Clover
Are you new to the GPU HQ Committee? I hadn't heard that they were recruiting. As Shop Steward I should have at least been consulted.

Yours very surprised

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
 
One and Only Thea and Clover,
Thank you for getting back to me. I mean, I'm not sure she thought it was scolding, she said "hey!" and then asked what happened to her squeaky piggy. I mean, I was right there ... very silly human; I thought they were supposed to have good vision? The other human will sometimes ask us "where's the hay go?" when she adds more, so maybe they can't see well afterall?
They come up lots ... the loo is upstairs, and so is the laundry hamper and rack ... the washer is downstairs, though, so they walk through our room to get between them!
We get lots of fresh hay out the humans when they walk through. If they walk through just saying "I'll be back." I flip my tunnel over to make sure they can't ignore me the next time through. I make sure to give them my cutest victim look to make them feel extra bad for me!

I will definitely up my wheeking! Lexa says I'm getting pretty good at it.
Latte

P.S. The humans keep talking about how they got the perfect fleece for new cage liners and that fleece is "on sale" again this weekend. I didn't know that fleece had a growing season, but it must make it better because the lettuce has certainly gotten better when the humans started growing plants. What else should we demand they make us?
 
Betsy said:
Hello Clover
Are you new to the GPU HQ Committee? I hadn't heard that they were recruiting. As Shop Steward I should have at least been consulted.

Yours very surprised

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
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Greetings, The One and Only Thea!

Yes, they recruited me about two wheeks ago. They needed a new worker when a few piggies quit out of the blue. I'm sorry that nopiggie told you.

Sincerely,

Clover, GPU
 
Dear Clover
As you are new and clearly inexperienced, until you have completed the long Training course, I think it's best if you let me deal with the complaints.

I can understand your enthusiasm as a new member of The GPU to want to get involved, but we wouldn't want you giving out the wrong advice. Once you have completed the Training course, there are exams which you need to pass and there are also lots of leaflets and training booklets that you need to know too.

Being Shop Steward is a very responsible role and after I had passed all the exams and completed the Training course I had to have a mentor who was The Ever Beautiful Betsy (Shop Steward, Retired) who lived in the Penthouse Suite of Betsy Towers before she went to The Rainbow Bridge. I live in The Granny Annexe of Betsy Towers. If I needed help with particular problem, (which I did on a few occasions) it meant that I could pop upstairs to ask her advice.

Yours in wheaks
The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward.

PS This should all have been explained to you at the Selection Day which I should have been invited to.
 
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Eh, what is a green bean pray tell and should Zola and I be looking into why we have not been introduced to said vegetable, with a view to perusing an outcome where we are at least given the opportunity to either incorporate it into our existing diet, or decline it, at our discretion?
 

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Betsy said:
Dear Clover
As you are new and clearly inexperienced, until you have completed the long Training course, I think it's best if you let me deal with the complaints.

I can understand your enthusiasm as a new member of The GPU to want to get involved, but we wouldn't want you giving out the wrong advice. Once you have completed the Training course, there are exams which you need to pass and there are also lots of leaflets and training booklets that you need to know too.

Being Shop Steward is a very responsible role and after I had passed all the exams and completed the Training course I had to have a mentor who was The Ever Beautiful Betsy (Shop Steward, Retired) who lived in the Penthouse Suite of Betsy Towers before she went to The Rainbow Bridge. I live in The Granny Annexe of Betsy Towers. If I needed help with particular problem, (which I did on a few occasions) it meant that I could pop upstairs to ask her advice.

Yours in wheaks
The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward.

PS This should all have been explained to you at the Selection Day which I should have been invited to.
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*Hmp* All right, you may deal with the complaints. How long shall it take for me to be a full-fledged member? If I'm in training, does that mean my celery will go down!?!?

Yours very confused,

Clover, GPU member in training apparently
 
Ruth1 said:
Eh, what is a green bean pray tell and should Zola and I be looking into why we have not been introduced to said vegetable, with a view to perusing an outcome where we are at least given the opportunity to either incorporate it into our existing diet, or decline it, at our discretion?
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A green bean is a bean that is green. I shouldn't be talking to you, that is The One and Only Thea's job, but you're not complaining so I think I can get away with it hehehe
 
Yes, yes, yes! You should absolutely look into green beans! You may call them snap beans or French beans over there. They are crisp, juicy goodies with these fun little bits inside for added pop and flavor! Apparently, the humans like to steam them when they eat them, though it seems such a waste! Silly, silly humans.

- Latte
 
We have overheard our hoomin saying something about frozen ones not being suitable for us GPs and something about a green grocer - oh goodness sounds like heaven! Anyway we shall be allowed to try a green bean, but only a small bit as she doesn’t want us to do any splats! How VERY dare she! The indignity! She knows that Zola and I only poop diamonds and pee rainbows! Thank you all for your clarification. We are expecting a favourable outcome in the near future.
 
My human hasn't let me have a whole one, yet. She started me on a small portion and has given me slightly larger portions. Now she says she needs to go buy more before I can have any more. She claims they saved some special for us but that they don't look good enough to give us anymore, but I think they secretly ate our green beans, too, or are hoarding them for themselves.

She better buy my green beans soon!
 
The human went to the store! I heard her bring the bags in and made sure to wheek lots and loudly. She heard me, and she brought my green bean up right away! She was a good human today.
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Thea is very happy that her advice about wheeking whenever you feel like it has succeeded in your Slave being trained to feed you.
 
Yes! And apparently, the humans have this thing called a "grocery list," and if you write what you want on it, they buy it! I had heard them talking about adding a bag of pellets for Lexa and I when she was scooping last night, so we made sure to add BOTH our favorite hays to this list, as well! You can see the results were quite successful ... pellets, timothy hay, meadow hay, romaine lettuce, and green beans! Should we put carrots or apples on the list next time and see if we can get her to buy those, too? Or do you think she might figure out that we're adding to their list?
 
Dear Latte

Thanks for the tip about the "shopping list" as we call it here in the UK. I'll have to remember that! Carrots and apples are very yummy but they aren't very good healthwise as they are full of sugar and can put too much unhealthy weight on so if you are watching your figure then you have to be careful about what you eat. A bit of what you fancy does you good though. I'll leave the decision up to you.

Yours thanking you very much for the info.

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
 
That's what the human says, too ... but they're soooo good. When she does give us carrot, she cuts them into little short, thin sticks. I like to wave my carrot stick around before I eat it to show off my treasure! I do it with my green bean sometimes, too ... The human seems to think its cute, though it hasn't convinced her to give me extra. The apple I only get a sliver, and the humans keep the rest of the apple for themselves; the doggy informant says that they get a bit more than we do if they do some tricks, but then the humans hoard the rest for themselves. I guess it makes sense when you explain it, and the humans are probably just trying to help me keep my girlish figure ... but I might still sneak carrot on the list, heehee! Lexa says she'll help with that, since she likes the green parts, though I prefer the crunchy sticks ... she says the green parts are better for us.
Maybe there's another crunchy veggie that I could add instead ... the humans were discussing something called "brockonee" or "brockolee" or "brockoleenee" ... something like that. Is that crunchy and delicious? Lexa wasn't sure either. Maybe somepiggy out there has heard of this veggie ...

Thank you,
Latte
 
Dear Latte
Yes Brockoleenee is a favourite with me and Lexi. We used to get lots of it at our old house but when our new Slave adopted us we weren't allowed it anymore. It's full of calcium which can cause bladder stones. One of Slave's Rainbow Piggies Pretty Patsy had a HUGE bladder stone that was 1cm in diameter that somehow she managed to pass with a bit of an ouchy squeak now all high calcium veg is off the feeding list. We are still allowed lots of yummy veg though. We really like aubergine (Egg plant) and we get a bit of this every night with our dinner. Have you tried this veg yet?

Yours hoping for brockoleenee (but in reality I know I'll never have it - but I can dream)

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
 
Nip? But wouldn't that hurt? I wouldn't want to hurt my humans ... just, you know, train them.
I have not tried aubergine! I've only been with my current humans for about two months, and the previous place didn't have very interesting food (blah pellets, this "spring mix" stuff that only had a couple leaves I liked mixed with bleh greens (like spinach ...) ... I did wheek those humans out of some apple bits when they brought them for lunch, though.). The new humans have much better food. They've been introducing new foods to me every couple weeks. Green beans was the most recent introduction, so I'm making a listfor when I can have another new food. I'll be sure to add aubergine! Lexa has been here longer, but she says she hasn't tried it either.
I don't want ouchies ... maybe they were discussing veggies they eat, then, and for some reason not talking about me. Hmph. If they get it for them to eat, though, maybe I could get a tiny piece ... or just demand extra green beans! If they're eating the brockoleenee, then they're not eating my green beans after all!
Always hungry and curious,
Latte
 
So we did managea bit of a raid on the lettuce trough ... though it moved outside again before we could finish it off ...
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I've discovered these long stalks inside ... apparently it's doing something called "bolting," though I didn't have to chase it, so I'm not sure what the humans are doing wrong.
Anyways, these stalks look crunchy and they make the yummy leaves ... so are they delicious, too? I'm hoping to maybe eat them, too, if they are! Anypiggy eaten the stalk part of lettuce?

Hoping it's as crunchy and delicious as it looks,
Latte
 
We love the stalky part of the lettuce! I mean, we love the leafy part more, but the stalky part is delicious too.

-Bann, Camowen.
 
Oh goody! I'll have to make sure the humans chop it up for us! I love crunchy things like carrots and green beans! Lexa doesn't like the crunchies as much, but I doubt I can have her share either.
 
I got to try the stalky part! It was yummy and crunchy. The human brought in four pieces with our dinner, and she handed us each one. Lexa dropped hers and looked for her lettuce leaves, but I ate mine ... so my human gave me both remaining pieces! Yay! I don't think Lexa minded, but I didn't ask in case she'd want the extra piece. The human acted like it was normal, and I know the other day she got a tidbit of lettuce when I got my green beans after cage changing ... so maybe she got some extra rib or leaf ... I was quite pleased.

I'm getting whole green beans now, too! I get one every couple days. I found the humans "to-do list" too ... I added to start more lettuce plants! I hope they grow quickly!
 
Dear Latte,

This is truly a travesty. Has this occurred again since the first time? If so, we should definitely escalate this further. Multiple instances of momentary starvation is surely neglect, and your human should be aware of the long-term psychological and physiological damages this can inflict on you!

Sincerely,
Moe, the king of food begging & his lesser known brothers, Mortimer, Montgomery, and Morrison
 
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