Is feeling numb selfish or understandable

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My stepson had a reason for comeing round so late last night. He called his dad to the garden as he was out having a smoke. To tell him that we are going to be grandparents.
Neither of us are quite sure on how we feel. Its a total numbness on my part. And I have no idea why. Is it because Ive always been left out of the loop with regards to his kids welfare(even though Ive bought them up for the past 15 years) or is it because hes my stepson. I really dont know. I would have liked to have been in on the conversation to be honest, because I am part of this family. But I'm never let in on things that are important in either of my stepchildrens lifes.
We are obviously worried because he has alot of growing up to do. Hes more into material things and the flamin exbox than anything else. And hasnt treated his girlfreind with any respect at all. Shes a lovley girl, and so so young at only 18.
I'm not moaning either. I'm really just worried about why I feel so numb. Its not right. And I'm not ready to be a grandmother 8...
 
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I think my Mum feels like this with my half brother, he has two kids and my Mum doesn't really feel anything towards them - not in a nasty way or anything she just says she doesn't feel the same as she would if they were mine or my little brother's.

(hugs)
 

hellsbells82

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Its not that I dont feel anything towards him I think I may be in shock

Probably - I always say that's why pregnancy is 9 months, to let it sink in for all involved!

I think it's normal to be a little concerned too, it's a huge responsibility and pretty life changing x
 
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Very. and boy has he got some growing up to do. His dad told him, now its time to take responsibility. No more xbox games, no more going out wasting money. You now have a pregnant girlfreind to look after. Get your backside in gear and sort yourself out.
 

lily 74

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Hi,

The numbness is shock, and will go and hopefully turn into excitement of a new baby!:)

Perhaps they don't mean to block you out, perhaps they feel you might not want the stress of their lives or may feel they are being a burden:(

I had my children young and both have turned out great kids my daughter starts uni soon. I can see your point of view being the step parent as my husband is a step parent to my two children and sometimes he finds it hard to fit in.

If you can try to get involved in the upcoming baby, make it clear to your stepson's girlfriend that you will be there if she need advice:))

With regards to the x box this is typical my son and cousin are both into this and my cousin is 27!

Hopefully the baby will make him grow up alot more he will need to and I'm sure you will both make great grandparents:))

I was just thinking ....... you have alot to think about now new baby piggies and a new baby grandchild! you may not thin t now but you are very lucky x
 
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Having bought my stepkids up for 15 years and Id say alone alot of the time cos hubby is a shift worker. And their mother even when she was supposed to have them made plans to go out alot of the time so didnt have them.
Noone has ever listened to me when Ive said what I think should be punishments etc etc. And beleive me my stepdaughter has been the bain of my life. But I'm still here. I'm still the one thats not good enough. And obviously I'm still the one thats kept out of the loop.
What I would have liked seen as I am MARRIED to his father, was for him to ask to speak to both of us so he could tell BOTH of us. But noooooo. I dont feel important. And never have.
I'm certainly not ready.:x
 

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I'm sure you are in shock and reality will hit soon! I think my OH's parents would have killed him if he got what sounds like not a very serious gf pregnant at that age.

Has anyone sat down with him and his gf and discussed whether it's a good idea to keep the baby?

If he is only into his xbox and such, and doesn't respect her or you by the sounds of it (hug) is this really the right environment for a child?

Sorry if I speak out of turn, but I often think people think more carefully about getting an animal than having a baby :(
 
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Hes got a good job. Works at the same place as his father. BUT his days off are usually spent in front of the xbox till the early hours of the morning, or going out to find some new game for the xbox. His girlfreind and him have been together for a few years. But we had her move in with us for a short while until she could find herself a house share. She moved out from him because of his treatment of her. But obviously theyve still been seeing each other.
Its still early days with the pregnancy so I have got time for it to sink in.
My hubs parents are extatic. But I'm not sure theyve actually put the main thought of his treatment of his girlfreind in the forfront. Rather than the excitment of being great grandparents.
Oh I dunnooooooo?/
 

lily 74

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Having bought my stepkids up for 15 years and Id say alone alot of the time cos hubby is a shift worker. And their mother even when she was supposed to have them made plans to go out alot of the time so didnt have them.
Noone has ever listened to me when Ive said what I think should be punishments etc etc. And beleive me my stepdaughter has been the bain of my life. But I'm still here. I'm still the one thats not good enough. And obviously I'm still the one thats kept out of the loop.
What I would have liked seen as I am MARRIED to his father, was for him to ask to speak to both of us so he could tell BOTH of us. But noooooo. I dont feel important. And never have.
I'm certainly not ready.:x

That's such a shame considering you have bought them up for all those years, they don't sound very grateful:(

Yes, he should have broke the news to both of you, being a step parent is much harder I think than being the blood parent. You must be a strong person to have coped and stayed all those years so I'm sure you will handle the situation very well:))

I hope it all works out for you and you really deserve to feel included:)
 
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I dont feel strong. I feel worn out. But I love my hubby. Just wish hed step up to the mark more so than he does.
Stepdaughter has put me in hossy before. Had to have a minor heart op because of the stress she was causing me.:x
I think the reason I'm not feeling anything is I'm scared that I am going to be kept out of the loop. Have been for 15 years so why should a newborn child make any difference:(
 

lily 74

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That's awful:( maybe you do too much for them and they are taking you for granted?

Your hubby should be supporting you in this, I know how hard teenagers can be as I have two and my daughter has driven me to distraction at times! I have the reverse of your situation my husband is the stepdad and sometimes I feel as though I am on my own and have no support and I am so stressed too sometimes but like you stay out of love for the other person.

The baby might make them all grow up a bit and take the pressure of of you hopefully!
 
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Yes being a stepparent is VERY VERY hard. If I had the choice to do it all again I'm afraid I certainly would run a bloody mile. But then I wouldnt have my babies.
 

doglovinpiggylover

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I love my stepdad with all my heart, he does anything and everything for me, and i really really do appreciate him, he is the best and i am so very lucky. I wish your stepkids were like this for you.

Maybe hes on the xbox all the time because he is bored, this could be the making of him? i dont know?
 
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I dont think its boredom. I think its a way of life for him. This baby is going to be a biggggg wakeup call. So no more spending over 100 a month on the new games that are out.
This is one of the reasons his girlfreind moved out into house share. because he wasnt spending any time with her. Shes moved down from up north so its not like she can pop out to see freinds. So I dont know. Really am ashamed at the way I feel(or not as the case may be)she is a lovley girl. And I was in all honesty hopeing shed settle down with someone that deserves such a well mannered nice kind young lady.
 

doglovinpiggylover

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awww hon, dont feel bad that you feel like that, you are just disappointed for her i understand that, its hard having a baby, specially so young (not that i have/did) but i know from others.

They can all be brilliant kids can they, you never know, he may just change, he has to some day. Poor lass though, especially as she has moved a large area for him, she must get lonely.

She must feel good knowing you are on her side.

Keep your chin up x

x>>
 

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I think issues have not been resolved between you, your OH and his kids. You fel that you've given as much as you could, yet, they keep you out of important conversations, even after all those years... I think what you're feeling is normal and you shouldn't blame yourself.

Do they live near you? I'm thinking maybe your DIL (so to speak) may need some TLC with the pregnancy and some female input. Added parts to the family usually don't feel the same attachment/detachment as the rest so it could be a good opprotunity for the both of you to bond.
 
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