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Joke thread

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:) zoe :)

:) zoe :)

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sorry if we already had one but it will be fun to read, please no rude or racist jokes,

ok this is not a very good joke but just to start us off

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Atch!
Atch who?
I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!
 
I quite like this joke there is three monkeys named manners, poo and excuse me and they are all walking down the road and suddenly poo trips over and manners bends down to help pick him up. Meanwhile excuse me carries on walking down the road and bumps into a police officer and the police officer says excuse me where's your manners and excuse me says he's down the road picking up poo. :) xx
 
JanexxM&L said:
I quite like this joke there is three monkeys named manners, poo and excuse me and they are all walking down the road and suddenly poo trips over and manners bends down to help pick him up. Meanwhile excuse me carries on walking down the road and bumps into a police officer and the police officer says excuse me where's your manners and excuse me says he's down the road picking up poo. :) xx
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hehe that ones funny :))
 
Umm my awful Christmas cracker joke....but i love it :))

What do you get when you cross a Budgie with a Shark?
A bird that talks your ear off :))
 
ok here is another knock knock joke

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anna!
Anna who?
Anna one, anna two...!
 
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper....


....sold his soul to Santa!



Two blondes walk into a building....



....you'd have thought one of them would have seen it!


(Two of my favourites!)
 
My daughters contribution
What do you get if you cross a shark with a snowman .....................
frostbite

A blonde is sat watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says "2 brazillian men die in a sky diving accident".
Blonde starts sobbing "that's so horrible! so many men dying like that!"
After a few minutes the blonde still sobbing turns to her husband and says "how many is 2 brazillian?"
 
Guinea-wiggles said:
A blonde is sat watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says "2 brazillian men die in a sky diving accident".
Blonde starts sobbing "that's so horrible! so many men dying like that!"
After a few minutes the blonde still sobbing turns to her husband and says "how many is 2 brazillian?"
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hehe i have heard one like that before but its still very funny :))
 
Ok this is from my hubby -

A man walks into a a Dr's and say " Dr Dr I feel like a Guinea Pig!"
Dr ask's " How long you been feeling like a Guinea Pig?"
Man says " About a Wheeeek!"
 
EmJ said:
Ok this is from my hubby -

A man walks into a a Dr's and say " Dr Dr I feel like a Guinea Pig!"
Dr ask's " How long you been feeling like a Guinea Pig?"
Man says " About a Wheeeek!"
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hehe :)) that made me chuckle
 
My sister told me a really stupid joke. It went:

Why was the car embarrassed?
-Because it had gas!

It's so stupid it's actually a bit funny :))
 
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family so it mut be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

2 Brazillian :)):)):)) That's funny :)):)):))
 
what do you call a crazy squirrel?



NUTS!
mwahahahaha mwahahahaha, mwaha mwaha mwahahahahahahahah
 
Two blonde's walking down the street, one say's to the other "Oh look a dead bird" the other one look's up and say's "where?"
 
Two blonde's walking down the street, one say's to the other "Oh look a dead bird" the other one look's up and say's "where?":))

a blonde a redhead and a bruenette are lost on a sinking raft at sea, the blonde rubs a lamp and amazingly a genie apears, and says "you have set me free, I shall now grant you one wish each". The redhead closes her eyes and says ... "I wish I was back with my husband in Florida" and the wish was granted. The brunette steps forward and makes a wish ... "I wish I was at Grandma Verminions hous in peru, Baking cookies" The wish was granted. Now, the blonde was feeling quite lonley by now as her friends all had nice homes and families. She stepped forward and declared her wish "I wish my friends were back here with me" Her wish was granted.:))

A blonde goes into work one day crying her eyes out. her boss, concerned his employee walks over there and asks whats the matter. The blonde replied "I just got a phone call 2 say that my mother has passed away. The boss sends her home but she returns later on , bawling her eyes out. "whats wrong" her boss asks she replies "well i just got a horrible phone call from my sister ... Hermom died to":))
 
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