JOKES

Status
Not open for further replies.
Joined
Jan 23, 2006
Messages
15,993
Reaction score
5
Points
0
For the people that need a laugh today and always! ;D ;D ;D

This Little Piggy

Five little pigs walk into a bar. The first pig asks the bartender for a beer. The pig finishes the beer and asks where the bathroom is.
The second pig goes up to the bartender and asks for two beers. The second pig finishes the two beers and asks where the bathroom is.
The third and fourth pig go up to the bartender and ask for three and four beers. After finishing their beers, they ask where the bathroom is.

The fifth pig goes up to the bar, but before he can order, the bartender says, "You don't have to say anything, you want five beers, right?"
The fifth pig says to him, "Right, but I'm the pig that goes wee wee all the way home.


Post all your jokes here!
 
C

cutecavy

LOL! Do they need to be piggy-realated jokes? I Have got loads of both!
 
G

gothchick1515

This ones a little bit crude hehe ...


Man walks up to the bar and asks the bartender if he wants to make a bet...

Bartender asks 'Whats the bet?'

Man replies 'I bet you £100 that I can stand rite here and p in that cup on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop...'

Bartender laughs and says 'okay you have a deal'

So the man stands on the bar and prepares himself, he p's all over the bar and all over the bartender....

The bartender laughs and says you owe me £100 .

The man laughs and hands him the money and says 'Thats okay because I just bet that man over there 1,000 bucks I could p all over you and all over your bar and you wouldnt be mad'
 
C

cutecavy

LOL, good one ;)

Well to answer to mine is: I never said what size the fridge has to be. (Joke isn't done)

Now... how do you put a giaraffe in the fridge?
 
C

cutecavy

Well.. you take the elephant out first! ;D

Haha.. it's kinda lame but, my brother told it to ages ago and I have always found it as a cute joke ;)
 
Joined
Jan 23, 2006
Messages
15,993
Reaction score
5
Points
0
LOL

My best one, which I find hilarious is;

What do you call an elephant in a phone box?

.......stuck! LOL
 
G

gothchick1515

hehe like the one what do you call a polar bear walking in picadilly circus

lost! hehe x
 
C

cutecavy

LOL ! Love that one! ;D

Here is one:

Two boys were messing around on the phone, they call up this Old Lady who lives across the street. They say "Hi Miss, is your fridge running?" and the lady stops and then replys, "Why yes it is" and then the boys go "You better go catch it then!" :P
 
Joined
Jan 23, 2006
Messages
15,993
Reaction score
5
Points
0
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!†and rode off as fast as he could.



Mrs Player xx
 
Joined
Jan 23, 2006
Messages
15,993
Reaction score
5
Points
0
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day
he's driving and sees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge
to swerve and hit her -- but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't
resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes
to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites
him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the
street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an
old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the
pastor says, ''don�t worry. I got him with the door!''
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top