Losing a very special pig.. struggling with bond with remaining ones.

[Fluffbabies]

Hi everyone,

I wasn't sure where to post this so feel free to move or advise.

TLDR: How do you manage when you lose a very unbelievably special, affectionate, interactive piggy who always loved spending hours snuggled on your lap, having cuddles and strokes, licking you and looking up at you full of love, coming out to look up at you and greet you every time you enter the room and running after you wheeking. Always being happy to be picked up and fussed over. ...and the remaining herd are not this way? Can this change or do some piggies just not like to be interacted with very much?

We just lost our Oreo Sunday night. Although I obviously love all of our piggies past and present, Oreo was one of those once in a lifetime piggies. She was truly my boyfriend's soulpig. Such a gentle, loving, no drama soul we always felt blessed to have in our lives. She brought us so much joy, love and comfort no matter what was happening. She was a constant for the past more than 6.5 years. How is it possible such a little fluffy soul can express so much love?

Now all of our original herd have passed, we have transitioned to a "new" herd consisting of our four remaining now 2 year olds and they aren't as affectionate as the others were. I think they love us but it upsets me when they look at me from their tunnel with side eye or come up to me just to see if I have food then run away when I don't. They keep their distance and run away if I approach the cage.

Maybe we didn't put as much time, handling and unlimited love into them because we were still grieving Leia and Ginger compared to when we got our first group without having yet experienced big illnesses and death. We also have much more demanding and time consuming jobs now. Is it possible this will change with more handling or could it just be their personalities?

It makes me so sad because I shouldn't need something from them. I really miss always seeing Oreo always looking up at me and coming up to me without fail. Even when she was ill or old in her final days, I'd go check on her and as soon as she knew one of us was there she's stretch her little head upwards to look at us I know every pig is different and my relationship with each one will be different but the cage feels so very empty and quiet without Oreo in it. It's hard that they run, hide or just keep their distance when the others always ran towards us and would have strokes The "babies" only do run to us if we have food. Only Demi lets us give her ear scratches in the cage sometimes.

 

[Wiebke]

BIG HUGS

I am very so sorry that you have lost your special girl, Oreo.

Please give yourself time. What you are experiencing is not at all unusual for a very close bond and especially not for this very early stage of the grieving process. Allow yourself to go through the various stages without pressuring yourself unnecessarily.

Your piggies have each other and your physical care; they are fine and they will keep until whenever you are ready for them. You will find that this is a actually pretty imperceptable process as you are gradually progressing and you are likely to not going to realise for a goodly while that you already have created new bonds because these new bonds will be very different from the one you have lost. It won't be the same close, all-consuming bond but a more quiet and fond love.
Your new bonds won't be any less valid in themselves, just different without taking anything away from what you have shared with Oreo but also not taking anything away from what you going to share with your new lot. The bond will grow in its own time and space whenever you are ready for it.

Love is like a river that flows through your life with ever changing borders; it cannot flow uphill but it can flow on. Currently you are in a bit of a waterfall going over a cliff but you will eventually find the pool at the bottom of it, set in a new landscape which you will come to appreciate for its own appeal in due time even if it may not be as spectacular as from the heights before tumbling over the cliff. You cannot enjoy the vista while you are being swept over the edge and feel like you are drowning right now.

Please take the time to read these links here. You may find them helpful and comforting:
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig (see the chapter about 'replacing' a piggy)

On grief, and hope (a wonderful write up from a forum member with bereavement struggles)

Please contact one of the free pet bereavement platforms that the Blue Cross offers for Uk residents; being able to talk through it all is the best thing you can do for yourself. All feedback from forum members that have made use of them has been positive even if it may take a little leap of faith initially.
Pet bereavement and pet loss

 

[Fluffbabies]

Thank you Wiebke. I’m at work currently but I will reply properly when able.

 

[Merab]

So sorry for your loss of Oreo.
Grief is a process that is different for every piggy we lose.
There are some who are naturally more affectionate towards their humans, this is a gift.
Others love us but demonstrate their affection differently.
Be gentle and patient with yourself as you grieve

 

[h_and_piggies]

Sorry for your loss. That was a lovely tribute to Oreo. I can’t add much more to the great words of advice above, but take care of yourself during this difficult time. Sleep tight Oreo x

 

[weepweeps]

Oreo sounded wonderful. You were blessed with her. Your other piggies definitely love you. They are just happier to be around each other. You are giving them a wonderful home where they feel able express their natural behaviours. Take care

 

[Viennese Furbabies]

As you wrote, everypig is different and it usually takes quite some time for piggies to build up a real strong relationship to humans. As you need time to grieve, your piggies also need time to get used to the new situation.
At the moment, I've got 6 piggies. The oldest is nearly 6 years old, the youngest not quite 10 months. My boar, my oldest girl and the second youngest girl are the most affectionate towards me. My second oldest girl will always keep her distance and the middle girl is mostly interested in the food.
So it's really a question of character. But when you're ready to build a stronger bond with your piggies, they will learn to trust you more and more. They might never become as affectionate as Oreo was but your relationship will get stronger with time and patience.