Men :'( - long post

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Becky92

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I know i rant alot on here & ask way to many questions but it helps me work things out alot and I'm very grateful

I cant ask advise of my family bos they dont get along with my OH & i dont have any friends bcos they didnt like my oh so we drifted apart :(

Today i ended my 2year relationship. Its always been tough= we live 40mins apart so dont see each other much, our lifestyles/upbringings couldnt be more different, he lost his job last year so i supported him financially & emotionally thruout the 6months he was out of work, his family hate me and my family dislike him alot.

I'm 18, hes 26. Altho i swear its the other way round! I always get told I'm old before my time, i did well at school and could have gone on to more education but at that point id really got my teeth into rescue work. Voluntary work at weekends and then left school and worked at the rescue. I absolutely loved it. In feb this year i fell pregnant (not planned) so i had to give my job up in august , that was really hard :( But i was putting my baby at risk so it had to be done. So moneys been tight and last week his shifts got cut so things were getting worse.

We've had 'spats' & big fall outs but always sorted things out. We're both stubborn but its always me that sorts things out. I know he cares and loves me, but when he gets stressed/tired he goes into 'shut down mode' and blocks me out. Tells me he doesnt care about me, says nasty things & will not stop when i get upset just tells me i need an oscar.

Ive put everything in our relationship, i honestly couldnt do more. I make sure he NEVER goes without anything - food/cigars/clothes, i scrape money together so we can always see each other, he works nights doing security + i get him to ring him when he finishes at 6/7am to let me know hes got home ok, i would never upset him or hurt him. We speak everynight on the phone. I love him with all my heart, id do anything for him. He has 2 days off a week, i only see him for 1 of them so he can see his friends on the other, which hurts but i cant help what he wants to do. everytime he has to go home i get upset because he means the world to me & when hes gone its like i cant be happy.

Last week he finished me bcos his shifts got cut which means he can no longer get himself transport for when the baby comes in november, so he decided itd be easier to dump me. That tore me to bits. he just kept telling me he didnt care about me + to get out his life. I KNOW he cares which is what makes its soo hard. He just cant handle anything difficult. Me being me spent hours trying to sort it out and we eventually got somewhere. We sorted it and he said 'sorry'. I promised him i would do everything i *** so we would see each other & him see his baby.

Last night we argued about christmas day, he wanted to work it and i wanted him here with me and the baby. If he works he gets double pay but wont see us at all. Its guna be our babys 1st xmas which should be priceless to him. But he doesnt care. He could cut back on cigars/dvds and save money but he wont, hes even booked a day off for a halloween party which hes addament about going to. The arguement turned into a row when he started saying nasty things and upset me.

This morning he decided he wasnt coming to see me to because he cant be botherd, despite our plans to paint my room ready 4 our baby & go through all the babystuff. That i might add iv paid for.

So i told him that id have enough, he either came to see me or we're over.
Ive heard way too many times lately that he doesnt care, ive had enough of being spoken to like I'm nothing aswell as his 0% effort. Hes said not a chance on earth of him coming so i said its over. Hes never going to change and i cant take anymore.

I know ive let him have it easy, hes never had to do anything, never had to make an effort ... But i just love him soo much. Hes the one for me. He can be such an amazing person and so loving when he wants to be. When I'm with him i cant stop smiling & kissing him.

So now I'm single with 6weeks til i have our baby, my heads all over the place and i dont know what to think. I'm finding it so hard not to ring/text him like i always have done when we fall out but i know its never going to work if i do, if he REALLY cares he'll do something. The truth is that I'm terrified hes not gunna make an effort & ill never be in his arms again, but i know getting upset is going to harm my baby so ive gotta be strong.

My future was all planned out with him so now its looking rather scary, then theres the fact i have 8 guinea pigs myself and 3 of his... he agreed to help me out with which is y i thought i could keep them. My 8 are manageable, his 3 arent much more hard work but need new hutches 4 winter. I wont let him have them back because he'l let him them go to just anyone & there already underweight and unsocial. I dont know what to do 4 the best...

The good thing is that i live with my mum & have support, i cant wait to have my baby on nov 19 to be the best mum possible.

Sorry GPF

--breathe!!!--
 

CandyFloss

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Hugs
Sorry to hear about the bad time youve been having with your OH.
You've done the right thing though - stay strong and dont have him back - he's not been treating you right and you deserve better. Just try to concentrate on yourself and your new baby when it comes along,
x
 

MellyWelly

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You're so lucky in having this special gift of a baby and you need to do everything to make things as stress-free as possible.
In my opinion, you are absolutely doing the right thing by deciding not to have this man in your life. He's clearly not pulling his weight and giving you the support you and your baby need – harsh but true – he's clearly not fit to be a father. His actions and words have shown you that. Do not be fooled into thinking he can change. If he wishes to be part of his child's life that will be wonderful, but as far as I understand from your post, he's probably not willing to even do that. Remain friends for your the sake of your child. But for now, I'd refrain from calling or texting him - do not chase him.
I advise to continue with your life with the support of family and friends and put all your love and energy into your baby's life and not this man who has no respect for you. I sincerely wish you all the best Becky. Take care x
 
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i was in a similar position when i was pregnant and to be honest it sounds like your better off without him, when baby arrives you will not have time to fuss and worry about a man who quite clearly doesn't deserve you, being a single parent is hard work but it will be much harder with a man who obviously doesn't care about the way his actions make you feel. My son is 17 now and makes me proud of him everyday, you have the support of your mom and friends on here so my advice would be to concentrate on you, your baby and of course your piggies, let him stew for a while and realize what he stands to lose x
 

Gems

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Aww hunni *hugs*

Can I suggest you read through everything you've put and have a good long think about it all. He sounds like a selfish child who treats you with no respect. At 18 I was with a right toerag and like you I thought I was madly in love, that he was the love of my life, I'd never be happy without him or find anyone else etc So I, like you, bent over backwards to try to make him happy, thinking it's what made me happy. It's only when your out of that situation and can look back with a bit of perspective that you realise the relationship isn't what you thought it was. I was desperate and lonely and thought if I wasn't with him I'd spend the rest of my life alone. It's only now that I'm with Steven that I realise what true love and happiness is and what it feels like to be treat properly.

He's walked all over you for long enough. It's going to be hard with the baby but you sound like an amazing, strong person so you'll get through it x
 

guineaboys

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It's so easy to love these guys who treat women so badly and i'm sure many of us have been there, I know I have! Concentrate on yourself, pamper yourself, look after yourself try and concentrate on all the good things in life and when the baby's born you can focus all your attention on baby. Lots of hugs and luck to you x>>
 

lovelygirl

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Oh darling, what a horrid place you must be in now, but remember that you are going to need all your energies to be the best mummy! You are not going to have extra energy or money to be frittering away on someone who is not helping you or your baby. Keep your chin up and take time to pamper and look after yourself before the baby comes :) Life is a series of ups and downs and if you never knew downs you would not appreciate the ups!

all the best!
 

doglovinpiggylover

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aw hon, he really really does sound like a selfish spoilt child, i think you defo need to concentrate on you and your baby (and all the pigs) and take some time on your own, even if just to get some peace and relax a bit.

He will always be in your life as he is the babies dad, but right now, he doesnt sound like he is being very grown up and doesnt deserve to be around you.

I wish you well whatever happens, but please promise you will put yourself and the baby first?

Hugs x
 
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Hi there,what a situation ay,well your the same age as my daughter.
Well first of all if he loved you really he would'nt put you down & say nasty things,it sounds like he's really insecure & jealous of you.A baby wont keep you together no matter what,& if you do get back together be strong but sweetie do you need all this emotion at this moment in your life.If he's like it now whats he going to be like when your baby arrives? Get strong,you can do it & without him,theirs plenty of decent chaps out their who would snap you up and support you & your baby.Respect yourself & put yourself first,sue,x
 
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I was in the same situation, but i stupidly stayed with him and it got worse. I broke up with my OH today, 4 years down the drain and 2 babies without a dad because i doubt he will make the effort. Dont let him ruin your life mine has already been damaged, i have been going through the same. You say all the bad things, but then you say when its good its really good, what is good about it? Ive made these excuses myself, i understand, but now i realise they were just stupid excuses to try and hang on to somone that really doesnt matter
 

XbeccaX

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i dont really think i can offer any advice as i'm only 16 :( but what i will say is that i agree with what everyone else has said! hope everthing goes well for you and the baby x
 

clairelove

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same here... i was a single mum for 2 yrs until i met my hubby it was hard, BUT you have your mum their to help..

if he messes YOU around what will he be like with you baby? that wouldnt be fair on your child..

youve got thid far on your own ie baby things so the rest you will beable to do yourself with your mum by your side..

you have a whole lot to look forward to, so forget him and look forward to the birth of your baby:)
 
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Don't give in, the feeling will die down. He seems to be treating you so badly, especially with the baby on the way- he should've given more effort, and you don't deserve to put up with it.
Stay strong, you're doing the right thing by not calling him,

Lots of love, and good luck :)
 

Beautifulmess

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Can I say, congraturalations on getting a baby, and on losing what sounds like a terrible man. You may love him, but he doesn't sound like has much respect for you. love is meant to be tested again and again but each time it sounds as if he just gives up. Never settle for a man that won't fight for you, I've been there too often.

I recently met a guy (been with 6 months) and we are perfect in everyway,i've been in 4 failed relationships, one i nearly died in and now I'm happy. I promise this will happen eventually for you, just get your head sorted, stand on your own two feet with your baby and eventually the good vibes you'll express will send out and grab a good guy who'll worship you for the great women you are.

I iwsh you all the luck sweetheart. :) P.S every boyfriends family has hated me until my current, we get on so well so frankly i believe thats a sign. xxxxxxxxxx
 

PiggiePal

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Oh you poor thing, this guy is such an ! sorry to be blunt but you need to start to try and respect yourself more and see exactly what he's doing to you. He's made you feel like the only way you can be happy is in his arms yet he's just treating you like crap and taking your money off you and using you. It's awful what these men can make us do. The thing is for some reason women hang on to blokes that treat them badly thinking that they still love them and its actually being scared of being alone that's the bad thing.
What i'd suggest for you is to delete his number from your phone. Don't get in touch. Instead, get in touch with your family. I know it'll be hard but you need their support through this life changing time. What you need to realise is that if you get the support of your family you can't go back to this man. But I think that's for the best, and if you really think about it you would too. I know how easy it is for me to say this not having any emotional involvement and it's so hard when you;re so used to someone being there but you;ve got to get yourself strong.
Remember we're always here on the forum to help if you're thinking about calling or texting him then come on the forum and tell us how you're feeling. It's infinately better than being made feel like crap again by him.
Good luck with the baby, do you know the sex? x
 
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