Mini rant.

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lexybee91

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:) I don't have a lot in my life, I had to give up college and my nursing qualification due to mental health problems, this is it. My guinea pigs, and this forum. That's it. All i've ever wanted to do with my life is help, and this is all I have. It's strange where you end up in life. I sing, play guitar, clarinet, piano and recorder. I'm a recorded artiest on a minor label, and all of that, all of that work and stress AND THIS IS WHERE I AM. It can't be real, it's pathetic.

I feel like everything is slipping thorugh my fingers faster than I can catch it. I feel like i'm a failure. Sorry for the rant :( xx
 

Guinea-wiggles

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Aww don't think like that hun, I believe that everyone has a purpose in life it just takes some of us a little longer to find out what it is.
Think of it as a learning curve x
 

Deadgirl

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Sending a big hug i wish i could say something to make you feel a bit better but if you ever need a chat i am here.
 

AudioHeart

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Awww I'm so sorry hun, sometimes life has it's up and down's it just one of those down moments. :( Just keep going with it, and life may just surprise you! :) x
 

Wiebke

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BIG HUG

It is hard when you have to cope with your life having been completely turned upside down and being more or less housebound - especially at this time of the year when everything seems to close in again.

See your situation as a basis to expand from! You can always try to fundraise or help rescues or other people. You can try to home study and expand your knowledge.

It doesn't need to be just big ways, you know! That will make you feel better and useful again, and will make good use of your excellent social skills!
 

lily 74

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Hey Lexybee, it's okay:))

You really are not alonex>>

If it makes you feel better there are many people in the same boat.

I too suffer from depression/social anxiety problems that's why I decided to work from home opening a online bridal business.

I worked for two years on a diploma to work with children and I had to leave my job of 8 years due to stress:(

I fill my days too on this forum, walking the dog and working from home. I have children but they are older and not really dependant on me, my husband spends most of his the on the computer, never takes me ou so I am alone alot too.

Nothing can take your talent away, have you thougt about doing lessons for people from home? Do you feel so you could work again?xx

You are not a failure at all, it is an illness that takes you over and it takes alot to break through.
 
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lexybee91

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I would love to give lessons but I don't think that I would be any good. I'm a very patient person but I also feel that people don't like me. I love children though. x
 

piggiewiggie

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I'm sorry your feeling so bad.
I have suffered with clinical depression my whole life. My family noticed a change in me when I was 7 years old.
At high school it hit me hard, i could hardly ever manage to go, I was so angry all the time and I just wanted to die, even something stupid like having a bad hair day used to make me suicidal! I left school and felt the same at college so much so I didnt go back for the 2nd year. I then had a break down which happened on holiday! when i got back my mom took me to the doctors and eventually i was put on 60mgs of citalopram. i will be on medication for the rest of my life. I have had a doctor, a specialist and a psychologist tell me i shouldnt work after an incident when i tried to work when i was 17. Although they have all written this down the goverment will not help me with money. Last year I did a psychology course at home which i passed, So this year (this is the first year i have been in an ok-ish place) after 5 years out of work couped up at home I'm doing a nail tech course at home and if i pass i want to do nails at home. I dont know if i will be able to do it but I'm going to try. I still have a really hard time, but i need to do this.

I have not typed this to hijack your post, but to tell you that your not alone hunny. I'm 22 and I had all my dreams stamped on too. I have never been able to act like a teenager or follow my dreams, and i have no friends, but you get used to it and you'll find that things happen for a reason. Things will work out for you, just maybe a bit different than everyone else. And it might take a little longer. HUGS x
 

lily 74

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If thats what you would love to do why don't you look into it only live once:))

My friends mum teaches piano from home:))

It's lack of confidence that makes you feel as though no one likes you, I think you would do great! and you have the skills and the patience. Children love to learn so you could teach children.....
 

piggiewiggie

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yeah i agree, if you taught kids it would be rewarding for you and would make you feel good.

I make jewellery as well its fun! No one byes it tho :))
 

Little Piggles

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Lexybee, if you're half as nice in real life as you are on here how can people NOT like you?! You're so lovely on here and always know how to cheer up a thread.

Why not give lessons a go, you never know unless you try ;)

*hugs*
 

clairelove

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i too suffer from depression and have done since i was 14yrs old after i tried to kill myself twice i finally got some help, i have been on and off tablets for 9yrs now, and have had some very low times, the last few weeks i have felt that feeling of dread,and after a horrid weekend away blackpool( my 6yr old son has big behavior problems which he is soon going under assessment for Global development delay) i found i couldnt get out of bed yesterday and was just crying hubby had to take the day off work to look after me, and to top it off i also came down with a tummy bug which didnt help, i too hardly go out much i have 4 children 9yrs, 6yrs,( 4yrs= who is profoundly deaf and has chronic lung disease with secondary lung damage), plus a 17mth old baby..

i dont go out other that the school run, dont drive, i have a hubby that also suffers from anxiety and depression which doesnt help me as this can sometimes drag me down in mood sense...

i dont know if ive ever had a break down? dont know what the signs of one is?

i know ive been to the point where you just sit there either cry or just be numb and stare into space, feel like running off, feel like not been able to cope with anything in the day, or crying over the smallest of things. taking over dose, and thinking the world would be a better place with out me including my children:(

i started a guinea rescue which i did for 18mths over but had to stop due to my hubby working away in a new job something which was something that helped me, now i dont do that:(

i feel like I'm stuck in a world that knowone understands me or how i feel and if they care how i feel.

i feel I'm getting to that point where i need to go back onto tablets.

stopped taking them a few mths ago was on 50mg sertraline every day...

i hope you feel better soon and i would look at going to see your GP x
 

timzandsunz

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awww your not a failure,look at what you can do already think of if that way,


i dont suppose anyone sees their life now a what they wanted,its just what delt,you look back and think what if id done this differently etc,i know i do,but i cant think like that,otherwise it gets me down,have to think of other positives,simple as they may be!haha
 

timzandsunz

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just been reading the thread and i must say there is some strong women on here who are all equally brilliant,claire i take my hat off to you,you been through some poo,but your still positive, good on you!
 

lexybee91

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thankyou everyone for being so kind and supportive, I love you all :)

clarielove, I think if you know you've had a breakdown in your own mind, you probably haven't had one. I have moments the same as you...I do believe all things happen for a reason but sometimes the reasons are harder to see than others. And those are the times when I get the saddest. I just sit and think "why"?.

I really understand where you and your husband "go" sometimes, it's not fun and I understand how you feel.

I agree there are a lot of amazingly strong people on this forum, you're inspirational and just, like, thankyou for being here still :)

I think i'm going to give Jewellary making a go, whats the worst that could happen - Except that I spend lots of money on shiney things... mag pie syndrome - :) x

LOVE LEX x
 

doglovinpiggylover

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Hi Lexy,

Hope you dont mind me sticking my oar in but i can not sit here and read that you think you are such a failure.

First off, i have seen so many times on here that people have asked for help or support and i would say 9 times out of 10 you have posted warm and thoughtful words that most definately touch people, i could not do that, i just sit here and read the posts and wish i could do what you do.

Second, you play the piano oh my god i would absolutely love to play, how cool, and how great

And i also wanted to say that i agree with someone else who said that people must like you, everyone 'threads' with you so why why why do you think you couldnt teach? If i lived remotely near to you i would defo be knocking on your door for lessons.

cmon love, kick up the bum, sort it out lol xxxxxxxxx big hugs x

ps. i totally understand that we all have our downers, but please, you seem so nice and friendly, PLEASE dont diss yourself x
 

MrsWilsoncroft

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:) I don't have a lot in my life, I had to give up college and my nursing qualification due to mental health problems, this is it. My guinea pigs, and this forum. That's it. All i've ever wanted to do with my life is help, and this is all I have. It's strange where you end up in life. I sing, play guitar, clarinet, piano and recorder. I'm a recorded artiest on a minor label, and all of that, all of that work and stress AND THIS IS WHERE I AM. It can't be real, it's pathetic.

I feel like everything is slipping thorugh my fingers faster than I can catch it. I feel like i'm a failure. Sorry for the rant :( xx
Listen here hun, dont be so hard on yourself.
You are a lovely young woman who comes across as such a lovely person and have a lovely Fiance who you will be marrying very soon.
Dont worry about having to give up college etc, these things happen.

You always have me here for you as a friend if you ever need to chat.
Big hugs
Stacey x
 

lily 74

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thankyou everyone for being so kind and supportive, I love you all :)

clarielove, I think if you know you've had a breakdown in your own mind, you probably haven't had one. I have moments the same as you...I do believe all things happen for a reason but sometimes the reasons are harder to see than others. And those are the times when I get the saddest. I just sit and think "why"?.

I really understand where you and your husband "go" sometimes, it's not fun and I understand how you feel.

I agree there are a lot of amazingly strong people on this forum, you're inspirational and just, like, thankyou for being here still :)

I think i'm going to give Jewellary making a go, whats the worst that could happen - Except that I spend lots of money on shiney things... mag pie syndrome - :) x

LOVE LEX x
My mum makes jewellery as a hobby and buys her kits from jewellery maker on sky, (655) worth watching as they show you how to make it as well:))
 
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