Shot down!

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Beautifulmess

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Well this week I thought I had finally come out of my depression, I've been able to go out more (post office) and such. I've done a good amount of cleaning so the place actually looks nice and kept on top of washing up.

Today I woke up at 7:10am, got ready by 8am which is a record for me, as my depression makes me so slow. Anyways, I was quite happy, got some nice post, made breakfast, spoke to the maintaince man who came to look at my unopenable window.

My ESA claim was cancelled on the 4th due to failing my medical, I really wish they'd use the right doctor, it's quite annoying, GP's know nothing about mental problems. Anyways, I rang up today to confirm I'd done everything they told me to, to appeal the decision and I found out that they won't give me any money until my appeal is accepted or not (whether I can take it to court or not). I found out I wasn't going to be paid until the decision was made which will be around Monday or Tuesday (I should be paid next Wednesday 16th). I owe water, tv, electric and also need to send some parcels out AND be able to feed myself and my pigs. (altho I don't think their food will go down that quick).

Then on Monday the decision could be that they disapprove of the appeal and don't let it pass, which means I'm to sign onto Job Seekers and end up waiting 3-4 weeks for my first payment off them also! :'(

I started the week and day on such a high, getting better with each day even after a horrible fall out with the boyfriend Sunday night and suffering with PMT. It's like, I got shot down as soon as I pick up, and it's always by the benefit agency. Last time they forked me a £4K debt which I've now had written off but boy that was hard work and the housing likes to bite you hard so I had to go in every week to give all my bank evidence to them to prove I couldn't pay my rent.

I'm just ranting tbh, I'm trying to keep my mood up some how but even seeing the boyfriend tonight isn't exciting me much. I'm wondering if I do actually have Borderline Personality Desorder like my psych once said but at the same time I don't want it and she told me on OUR first meeting :S

Sitting on phone now to the housing, to advise them that I have no money to pay rent and my benefits are 'in between' right now.


thanks for reading :(
 

lauralucy

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not sure what to say so i shall send you *huge hugs*.

hope you manage to sort it soon.

cuddle a piggy they always make me feel better.

xx
 

Beautifulmess

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Off phone, women was lovely :) She said that there will encure a gap in my housing if they don't backdate my ESA or my JSA (whichever I move from or stay on). She said just bring in your bank statement and we'll just wipe it out if you have no funds. Also written notes on my file so it helps with the updating, apprantly the benefit agency FORGOT to tell them I'm appealing the damn decision ¬_¬
 

lauralucy

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stupid its not hard to tell them its on appeal, I'm glad she was nice and helpful. :)
 

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Glad to see you are appealing your ESA decision, unfortunately the DWP doctors are rubbish, its not just mental health problems but physical ones they are overlooking! They are misinterpreting the rules for ESA and a large proportion of people who should be on ESA are failing their medical. Stick with the appeal and if you haven't done so already then seek advice of a local charitable advice agency or have a look on cls direct (google it hehe) to find your local agency for support and assistance.

Don't take it too harshly you are obviously making fantastic progress but it will take a lot of time, just take it each day as it comes and you'll get there with it
 
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I have been old three times by three different places that i have a multiple personality thing yet still no one treats it. I applied for benefits for my depression but the refused me x
 

Lady Kelly

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It is very difficult to get certain benefits especially Disability Living Allowance for mental health problems. Mostly because the benefits agency look for certain key words etc and don't word the questions clearly so joe bloggs doesn't understand exactly what they should be ticking for etc. Chances of getting the benefit are greatly increased if going through a benefits specialist as they will advise you if they think you are entitled or not anyway.
 

Beautifulmess

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:( did you mean multiply personality? I only ask because Borderline Personality Desorder isn't like that but is more of an identity crisis, apprantly all teens have it a bit, when they're finding themselves, btu some people don't grow out of it, and it can make us very hard to 'have' relationships with apprantly, because we suffer with mood swings and have a love hate relastionship with ourselves, the only reason I would believe I had it is the mood swings (can be happy, laughing, and then suddenly be really angry and miserable) but at the same time depression can also do this and I also have a love hate relationship with myself but it's getting less and less as I accept the things I can't change and change the things I can, (weight).

I'm calmer today, saw my boyfriend and we had dinner and watched a DVD and all was good. We even chatted a bit about what happened and it just seems that I didn't reassure him enough (in his way) where I thought I was in my own way. I felt quite distant from him for a while tbh (good half the evening).

I have submitted my appeal, rang housing about it as they will cut my housing off this week and told them whether they decide on allowing my appeal or not on Monday I will be moving onto job seekers (if not) and stayng on ESA if they allow it and either way don't have the money to pay for my rent, and I'll get a statement for this week to prove it.

I am going to go to CAB I think but only if they accept my ESA claim because I honestly do think going tro work would help me but back in October when my agoraphobia and anxiety hit the roof I could barely leave the house and job centre made it worse (I was weekly sign on).
 

Beautifulmess

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Does anyone on this forum have or been told they have 'Boarderline Personality Desorder'? I think I might not be so scared of it if I know people cope with having that label. xx
 
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Honey, labels are not what is important. What is important is how you define yourself, don't use labels. Use you, you're a beautiful, sometime unhappy but full of love and nuture, kind of person. You're not a depressed borderline personality person. :) Find coping strageties x
 

PingandChipy

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Hi,

I have been told I have this a few years ago. I've been on medication for many years and am doing fine. :) I don't label myself even though I"ve been told this. It was just one psychriatist's opinion.

Don't be scared :)

Lynn
 
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Beautifulmess

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Thank you, I try not to be, sometimes I wonder if I'm developing a bit of Hypocontriac but I only feel like this around my period or if I'm really stressed. As I was saying to my boyfriend last night, what my GP told me about BPD is that it's just 'not finding' your identity. I am working towards my weight slowly on WW which is not a diet ut a way of life so I'll be healthier and thinner by next year and I'm working towards working and have put college/uni back like many people do until I can afford to go or have the fund behind me (e.g when I'm possibly married like my step mom has).

I feel like I've been shaped by how I grew up, my fosters made out university is everything and your nothing without but I can't even get that far due to the way education is being changed and it felt like my life was falling apart, but how many people go to uni and come out and get no job because they lack experience. Maybe that says, get some education and go into work and get the experience instead :)

I do accept that I can be a very confused person but I also know, each thing I go through, I get through and it has an ending. I am still waiting for cognitive therapy and counselling, 3 weeks I think have gone past, so 1-3 weeks left of waiting possibly!

Heres counting. :)

Oh just to add my bit of knowledge, i asked the same question on another forum and a women messaged me and said she doesn't label herself... she knows herself only.

That she gets irritable and down right nasty around her period (or sometimes in between) and during that time she allows herself space, keeps away from people, avoids the things that'll set her off and rides it through, she doesn't feel adnormal, she just uses herbs and gets through it. (I used to be like this) god knows where it went the past year >.<!
 

Beautifulmess

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I don't feel too good tonight, I feel anxious which brings the irrational thoughts and paranoia to points that I don't like :( I know it's just the anixety that causes it though, it'll pass so I'm just trying to keep calm, does anyone else get like this? Just where your brain things things you'd rather it now, I am thinking 'I'm going crazy, I'm adnormal, one day I'll be in a psych ward' so on so on and 'I have no life, my life is my boyfriend' right now it is him, my mom and my pigs but thats because I'm not working, so I've nothing to priocupie my time with ><
 

Beautifulmess

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Had 2 nightmares last night, woke up thinking I'd dreamt about a pregnant women being stabbed to death but mom told me it was on the news, so I think I heard it on the radio at 6am.

Went for a meal with work, was good, went shopping, felt clear and good, got home, slept, slumped into a depression, went shopping, picked up a bit, came home, feel like I'm borderline on depression and feeling okay. Going to get herbal and vit suppliments tomorrow to help my system.
 

lily 74

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What your experiencing is more common than you think. Not working/boredom can turn into depression then in turn anxiety/stress etc.

You think our life has no meaning but you have your gp, boyfriend and your mum which counts for alot. What you really need whe you start to feel funny is something you can do to take your mind off it, watch a good film, take a warm bath, start a hobby or get some good exercise this is so important and might be half your trouble.

Your not going to end up in a phyc ward, you may just have an hormonal balance upset which needs to be sorted or clinical depression.

paranoia, anxiety are all symptoms of depression, and given the right medication it's easily treated.

Stick with the ww diet and really work on your self confidence levels as they seem very low:(

It's good to hear you are taking herbal remedies, try yoga as well I use a dvd it's great for toning/ weight loss I found:))
 
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