Sorry I need a rant :(

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Sorry, I need a rant. I have just stopped crying. I hate crying cause I always feel like the other side has won :'(

I have recently come back to work after being after 5 months with stress, which led to depression. If any of you have suffered with this, you will know what I mean when I say its hell on earth. I have never felt so low in my entire life, and its a VERY scary place to be... I went back to work, and was told by HR that I could work 3 days a week and because I'm on anti-depression tablets, if I ever felt poorly, just to go off as they would expect it. I thought, wow they are being ace! That lasted about two weeks. They were supposed to be putting me with someone for about a month to get my confidence back as I drive around the North West, North East & Midlands fixing computers, servers etc etc, but I had one day with someone and that was that. Then two months into it they started complaining saying they wanted me back full time, but I stood my ground and said no I wasn't ready. There were soooo many days where I had bad migraines, or felt sick cause of the tablets, but went into work cause I didn't want to appear I was 'taking the mickey'. As each week went on until about now, they have been throwing more and more at me and making me feel like I've done something wrong. My boss wont speak to me, and neither will his boss :(

Today is my first day back after being on my hols, and I went in and got called into a meeting about going back full time. My teamleader (Who is clueless and a jobsworth) told me I had to come back full time as management wanted it. Also that if I took anymore time off poorly, I would get faced with HR and sent to Occupational Health, and then decided to drop in at the end I have a disciplinary next week with the big boss over expenses, but they wont tell me what it's about... I tried to keep a hard face on it all, to have my TL say that I had made it much easier for him by taking it so well! YEAH RIGHT - I got back to my office and broke my heart. :( I have been home and had my tea now, and have just stopped crying :( Thank god for Steve, who just held me.... :'( :'( :'(

Sooo low at the moment :(

I've finished my rant now sorry... just needed to get it out I think.... Thanks for reading :(

T x
 
B

Beaney

That is awful - I am so sorry. I suffered with depression a few years ago (luckily I am much better now) and it is a terrible illness. I really feel for you. Rant when ever you need to - sometimes it does help.

Big Hugs

Sabrina
xx
 
B

BEATRICE

Thinking of you and sending big hugs. I havent suffered from depression but my close friend has, so I know a little about what you are going through. x
 
D

DebbieR

You poor thing. I know exactly how you feel my love. I'm so sorry for you. Don't be bullied. Stand your ground. Can you go back to HR and get them to put it in writing that they said you could do part time? If it gets too much just go sick again.
Thinking of you
xx
 
H

hils78

For starters - WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN NOW! like a diary - what people have said when they have said it. If you haven't done that already do it now (use different pens so it looks like you've been doing it from day 1 back at work!).

When its all down on paper you will feel a bit better. Kind of like sorting the filing out - you know what & where everything is. Feng Shui for the brain!

See a doctor & tell them what is/happened & ask their opinion on the situation. How they think that this treatment will help with your recovery. You need to ask docs if work are being reasonable with their demands etc mention the disiplinary Make notes again.

Contact citizen advice. Make a phone appointment or if you can a face to face appointment. Again write everything down. It is always a nightmare getting to actually get to these people but worth the effort.

Get in touch with the Mental health team in your area. Talk to them too. Ask them for any information leaflets regarding Work induced stress / depression , Employers attitude to mental health etc etc. Give this to your Employer.

You need to go into this meeting armed with facts, dates, Codes of conduct from your Employers. Everything!
Knowledge is power. They will start shitting them self when you start saying "according to....." the "MentalHealth act states...".

It sounds that they're trying to bully you out - making life awful for you so you'll resign. This is called Constructive Dismissal.

You've got to try to gain the upper hand. Get Steve to help you find facts. Even if they do continue to act like school children you will know where you legally stand & deep down they will see that you know your stuff. Borrow a tape recorder & when you go in tell them that " I hope you don't mind, but I will be recording this meeting so that I don't miss any points of the displinary for my own reference - I have alot on at the moment with increased work load & would hate to miss anything". If they refuse ask for a 3rd party to take notes for you if not.

Buy a bottle of Bach Rescue Remedy - about£4 and have a good dose of this before you go in. It work wonders on the nerves!

Go for it - grab the bull by the horns & give them hell back!

H78 x
 
S

Starflick

So sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. People that have never had depression will never understand it!
Big hugs
Nik
 
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I've had depression as well and prozac worled wonders, my dad still takes it as with out it he turns into a monster growiling at everyone,
my biggest hate is bullys they are the lowest form of human life, some people actually get off seeing some one made ill or made to feel bad or unconfortabel,theya re the sick ones here,
sweetheart, you have done nothing wrong, good advice has been given and the bach rescue remedy is brillaint hubby uses it for his pupils on their driving test, and I'm swollowing a gallon or two before i fly for the first time next march,
you need to stand up to people like this and as said before know your rights I think maybe your DR if hes good will back you up see him and see what he has to say
 
C

chinakit

I agree - write everything down. Also go to see the CAB as you are actually classed as 'disabled' and your employer has a duty of care towards you, and MUST make sure you are able to carry out your work ... it's against the law for them to behave like this.

I have a lot of empathy, been through workplace bullying myself. It's pure hell and it changed parts of my personality permanently.

Anti depressents helped me also. In my case I took Seroxat - it's had a very bad press but works very well for me.
 
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awwwww thankyou everyone for your kind words and advice... I am going to go back to my docs. I cant really go on like this. Feel really down today, and I'm so scared of going back to how I was when I had to take time off work... Its such a boys club in the department area I work in. This hearing thing I have on Tuesday, two other people have made the same mistake apparently, BUT, they are BOTH male, so the boss just called them up and told them off... grrrr, makes me angry just thinking about it :(

I told Steve I refuse to let them make me ill again :'( I'm in the process of speaking to one of my old managers. She's an old style manager that I used to have, that was fantastic and really used to stick up for her team. She has told me, she has a job opening on her desk, and that she would love for me to come to work for her.... I'm going to go and try and go through HR and see if I can get transferred... They obviously don't want me in their department anymore, and I've kinda lost all my fight now :(

Thanks again everyone for your kindness - means a lot.. :-*

T x
 
J

Jenni75

You poor thing :(, sounds like your work are making life hell for you. If you can get this other job then definitely go for it. My TL makes my life hell in that I do all the work and she's getting all the credit for making such a fantastic team etc, I had been getting really stressed with it all and IBS flaring up really badly but I saw another job just down the hall with other girls my age, I went for it on the advice of a couple of friends here who saw how my TL was and I got the job! So ultra happy and almost stress free. TL is now making me write a million and one lists on how to do my job etc to make life easier for her. 2 weeks to go....

Also, a close friend of mine has severe depression and SAD (and IBS, skin conditions caused by stress etc) - he is going to work as he's worried they'll get rid of him and they'll only pay so much sick leave. His manager is lovely but another manager who takes over when she's away treats my friend like he's a nuisance or making it all up. Its so bad now that he is constantly in tears in work and out and his family want to send him away to a hospital.

Don't let yourself get into this situation. As everyone else has said, get your facts including all the legal jargon and don't let them bully you out. Saying that, if they did bully you out you could take them to court, get loads of money out of them and then go on a holiday to the bahamas on them!
 
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