Sorry need to have a winge

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helen105281

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My manager had a go at me today as I have had too much time off sick this year. I suffer from fairly regular migraines, have joint problems, depression and have just had the flu that was going round my OH's work. She said that while she knew I was actually ill she wanted to get to the bottom of why I was ill and then proceeded to analyse me for the next half hour and it mainly focused on my depression.

She wanted to know why I was depressed and when I said that I can't actually put my finger on what makes me this way but said that my bullying colleague does not help matters she did nothing but defend him even though she is fully aware of what he is like. The bullying has tailed off somewhat lately but I just cannot stand him. He thrives on making me feel about 2 inches tall and I hate people like that. He has a problem with my veganism which was how it all started. She is his friend and was one of the select few invited to his recent wedding (I was the only one on our team not invited and she could not see how this singled me out).

Then she decides to blame the depression on the fact that Ross works in what is sometimes a very dangerous job (threatening clients etc). Yes I do worry but he can handle himself.

So anyway I came out of the meeting feeling like complete cr*p and now feel that I have taken a huge step backwards when I felt I was doing ok for once.

Rant over :(
 

4piggiepigs

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Have you kept a diary of his bullying? I would ,can't you complain to someone higher up?
 

helen105281

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I have part of one, he has tailed off a bit the last few weeks so not kept up with it. The thing is too it's all little stupid comments but they all add up if that makes sense.
 

4piggiepigs

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I don't think it matter's how much he does/say's it must be wearing to go to work and put up with that all day,even if he say's nothing you will still be on gaurd/tense all the time and that will affect your work and your health so it should be sorted out and if your boss is biased then go higher even if it's just to put it on record that it's happening you will feel better knowing someone who counts knows what is going on. He sound's like a horrible person.
 

helen105281

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He is horrible, you have summed it up perfectly there, it does affect my health because I am always on guard, waiting for the next comment. This was my admin manager today, my team leader who is below her knows too but she is in hospital. The one above admin manager is client manager, will got to him if I need to though he is not a very people person.
 

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Have you told him upfront that his comments are upsetting you? Maybe he thinks it is banter all be it not very nice banter?

The reason I ask is because I had a similar experience and when I spelt it out that I was not happy and if it didn't stop I would take things further the person was deeply upset as they had thought I was taking it all in good humour.
 

helen105281

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That's what the manager said and she said that I need to tell him straight but I have done that numerous times and he is that arrogant that he still thinks it is friendly banter and I should lighten up. It isn;t just the vegan thing, when he corrects a bit of work he doesn;t just give it back and explain he makes such a song and dance about it.
 

4piggiepigs

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I don't suppose he has to be a people person just has to be good at his job if he is responsible for supervising people then he has to atleast be capable of handling most situation's. And don't let him get to you i think you are wonderful, after following the Buzz and Woody story, reading that and looking at he pic of where they lived made me so upset, and you made me so happy that they have a good life now. And you seemed so decisive they needed help you saw what you could do and did it it was amazing (i told everyone about it) and they look so healthy now. So don't let that idiot pull you down there's people who you don't even know that think you are great ME lol a you are worth ten thousand of himex>>
 

helen105281

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Aww thanks that's really lovely of you. I don't know what to say.
 

Sarah from Chucklebunnies

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Stand tall, be proud. You, like many other people on this forum who genuinely care, are worth so very much! So put him aside, he is nothing, he is unimportant. You are worth so much!
 

doglovinpiggylover

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I don't suppose he has to be a people person just has to be good at his job if he is responsible for supervising people then he has to atleast be capable of handling most situation's. And don't let him get to you i think you are wonderful, after following the Buzz and Woody story, reading that and looking at he pic of where they lived made me so upset, and you made me so happy that they have a good life now. And you seemed so decisive they needed help you saw what you could do and did it it was amazing (i told everyone about it) and they look so healthy now. So don't let that idiot pull you down there's people who you don't even know that think you are great ME lol a you are worth ten thousand of himex>>
i would like to add that i totally one hundred percent agree with this statement, you are such a lovely person, please do not let this total waste of space pull you down.

Bullying in whatever form is totally unacceptable, even if is daft little comments, as you say they all add up to someone being miserable, you need to sort this hon, its not the first time you have commented it is obviously making your life horrible.

If i saw this going on at work i would act on it, what is wrong with your colleagues?
 

helen105281

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Thanks :) there is one on my team who is aware and then I have couple of friends on my old team but he is such a golden boy no-one else thinks he puts a foot wrong. He is the life and soul of the party so to speak. Will need to pick my moment with my manager and will keep writing things down.

Is really horrible because if I wanted to leave I can't as I won't get a good reference now with the sickness even though I have been there nearly ten years.
 

doglovinpiggylover

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ooooh blood boiling moment.....i hate bullying.

Hang in there, but make sure you keep the notes going, always x
 
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Don't know if you are aware but you no longer have to declare sickness on an application form or at an interview.This is info I have heard the last couple of weeks.My husband is a manager and has just done some interviews,he told me about this new ruling.Also heard it where I work.
 

MommaPiggy

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That's horrible, I can't believe we're both dealing with such pathetic people.

It really doesn't matter how little he does it or how tiny the things are that he says, he's upsetting you and he knows it. He doesn't seem to care that you've told him it bothers you.

Don't give up, don't let him win. He'll just go on to bully someone else once you're gone, else. These people need to be put in their place.
 
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