Struggling with a sudden loss

[Josie_lg]

Heya, this evening we have had to say a sudden goodbye to our beautiful buttercup. Not even four months after loosing our precious poppy. They were soul mates. And now honey and Hazel are left together but it feels too strange without our other two.
Buttercup got diagnosed with a mass in her uterus last year. It was an incidental finding and because she had no symptoms and was so well in herself we decided to monitor. She has spent the last year the happiest piggie, so affectionate. She was so sad after poppy left. Letting her say goodbye after she had passed was a truly devastating thing to witness. After a month she was back to normal pretty much. Last week she was suddenly hunched and painful and not eating. After a dose of pain relief and some syringe feed she was pretty much back to normal in just a couple of hours. We took her in to the vets the day after anyways and got prescribed more meds to help maintain any pain she may have. Monday night the same thing happened again. However this time she didn’t improve on the meds and she required constant feeds and care. To begin with she took the feeds well. Yesterday evening she got a lot worse. And overnight she wouldn’t take the feeds. Started dribbling and wretching and grunting like she needed to bring something up. The vet said we could go for surgery (we did a CT scan on Tuesday and it had gotten bigger and progressed) however she was so weak. We didn’t feel she’d survive the op.
This evening we had her put to sleep. I am beyond devastated. I’ve never had to make the decision. I feel so guilty I miss her so much already. With poppy she was out of it when she passed she was pretty much in a coma. But I feel so much worse because buttercup was able to walk around still clean herself and would squeal and kick when the vet gave the injection to sedate her.
I know I will realise this was the right choice. After she passed she brought up a lot of fluid from her nose. And I don’t think she would have survived an op as weak as she was, with fluid in her lungs especially as the op was so high risk already.
But I’m finding it hard to accept that three hours ago she could walk around and now she is gone. The guilt is so heavy. I have ready the euthanasia and grieving guide on here which was good. But I feel so alone and awful I just hate the what if she got better etc. I hate it. The grief is so heavy.

 

[Wiebke]

Heya, this evening we have had to say a sudden goodbye to our beautiful buttercup. Not even four months after loosing our precious poppy. They were soul mates. And now honey and Hazel are left together but it feels too strange without our other two.
Buttercup got diagnosed with a mass in her uterus last year. It was an incidental finding and because she had no symptoms and was so well in herself we decided to monitor. She has spent the last year the happiest piggie, so affectionate. She was so sad after poppy left. Letting her say goodbye after she had passed was a truly devastating thing to witness. After a month she was back to normal pretty much. Last week she was suddenly hunched and painful and not eating. After a dose of pain relief and some syringe feed she was pretty much back to normal in just a couple of hours. We took her in to the vets the day after anyways and got prescribed more meds to help maintain any pain she may have. Monday night the same thing happened again. However this time she didn’t improve on the meds and she required constant feeds and care. To begin with she took the feeds well. Yesterday evening she got a lot worse. And overnight she wouldn’t take the feeds. Started dribbling and wretching and grunting like she needed to bring something up. The vet said we could go for surgery (we did a CT scan on Tuesday and it had gotten bigger and progressed) however she was so weak. We didn’t feel she’d survive the op.
This evening we had her put to sleep. I am beyond devastated. I’ve never had to make the decision. I feel so guilty I miss her so much already. With poppy she was out of it when she passed she was pretty much in a coma. But I feel so much worse because buttercup was able to walk around still clean herself and would squeal and kick when the vet gave the injection to sedate her.
I know I will realise this was the right choice. After she passed she brought up a lot of fluid from her nose. And I don’t think she would have survived an op as weak as she was, with fluid in her lungs especially as the op was so high risk already.
But I’m finding it hard to accept that three hours ago she could walk around and now she is gone. The guilt is so heavy. I have ready the euthanasia and grieving guide on here which was good. But I feel so alone and awful I just hate the what if she got better etc. I hate it. The grief is so heavy.

Hi

BIG HUGS

You have done absolutely the right thing and have given Buttercup the most loving but most heart-breaking gift you could by cutting her agony short. I agree that an operation would have likely been a waste of money. I was in a comparable situation in May with my 3 years old Tegeirian and made the same decision (sadly not for the first time) if that helps you.

It is normal to experience stronger than usual feelings of guilt after a pts/euthanasia, especially your first one, a very sudden development you could not brace for and especially if it was a case where you had to choose between options - even if they were what I call 'between a rock and a hard place' and not just a clear cut mercy mission. Please be aware that these feelings are an expression of the depth of your care and love and not of you having made the wrong choice or failed her in your care. Once a piggy is grunting with pain there is usually only one way out, sadly.

As humans we are wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves, even the things that are not in our control. And we can never choose when and what from our pets die; we only ever have them loan and can make every shared day with us count for them as the blessing it is. If you have given Buttercup and Poppy those happy todays during their time with you then you have given them what they wanted most from live and have not failed them in any way. A natural death has its own challenges but it also comes with a certain peace - however, we often do not have that option but we still have the power to cut short any unnecessary suffering. You have done that, as hard as it is on you. But would we not rather bear the pain ourselves than see a beloved one dying in agony?

Please take the time contact the free Blue Cross pet bereavement services (UK animal charity), which are manned by trained volunteers and confidential during working day hours.
Having to deal with both the shock and the loss at the same time can reinforce the inevitable feelings of guilt you experience at the onset of the grieving process (you wouldn't have them if you didn't care). Talking about it is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.
Pet bereavement and pet loss

Here is our end of life, loss and grieving practical and supportive information collection:
Death, Dying, Terminal Illness; Human Grieving and Bereaved Companions: Information and Support for Owners and Their Children

My thoughts are with you.

 

[poggle]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Putting a suffering animal to sleep is a kindness, not a cruelty. She would have been in incredible pain until she died; you made sure she didn't have to experience that. I know it doesn't make it any easier to lose someone, but please be reassured that there are many here who would have (and have) made the same choice.

Sometimes the loss of a companion can upset whatever balance is keeping a pig going. We lost our Nixie a few weeks after her mother recently, although we don't know why either passed. It's so hard to process new grief when you're still mourning another loss.

Their last year together sounds like it was very happy

 

[weepweeps]

I’m so sorry you had to make this hard decision. It sounds like you made it with Buttercups best interests at the heart of it. Take care

 

[h_and_piggies]

Sorry for your losses. You did everything you could for Buttercup, and the final decision you made for her was out of love. Sleep tight Buttercup x

 

[Josie_lg]

Thank you everyone for your support. I know deep down she wasn’t going to get better. And if she didn’t die during surgery she probably would have afterwards.
It’s just so hard and she was still passing small poops. And I hate it because she was trying so hard but just couldn’t. She hadn’t taken any food for days other than me syringe feeding her. I know we took away that pain before it got worse. I wanted her to pass naturally but my mum very rightly said she didn’t think it would be a gentle death and she’d be suffering. Part of me wishes we tried surgery. Selfishly so I know I tried everything. But we made the decision a year ago based on the fact the vet said it was a high risk op. And she was fine in herself so happy and comfy. I think I’ll pine and have the regret for a while it’s awful. Just seeing her look at us with her beautiful eyes just made us feel so awful.

 

[Merab]

So very sorry for your loss.
Putting a piggy to sleep is so tough, even when you know it’s the right and best decision.
You acted out of love for Buttercup.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve

 

[Bill & Ted]

I’m so sorry you had to make the hardest decision for your little Buttercup, sending big hugs. Time will heal, you did the kindest thing although it feels far from it at the moment

Popcorn high sweet Buttercup

 

[VickiA]

You were called upon to make the hardest decision out of love for your girl. It’s a heavy burden making that decision but the greatest gift we can give our pets. Huge hugs to you. Sleep tight Buttercup

 

[Cliveshousenow]

Big hugs and give yourself time to grieve. We had to make the decision with our beloved Clive a few weeks ago and I still think about those last moments every single day. He went through 2 ops in his last weeks of life and I feel guilty that I put him through all of that. The day we took him to the vets he could still walk, just, but had lost 1/3 of his weight, but still came out of hiding with the sound of a rustle.
His very bonded cage mate has been so sad since but we have just had him “fixed” so we can get him a wife. Seeing how easily he has taken syringe feed on first day and his meds since compared to Clive fighting every mouthful, I know it was the right thing to do. It was Clive’s time and I take some comfort knowing he had a fantastic life with all the hay, dandelions and food he could ever want.

 

[Josie_lg]

Thank you so much to everyone. It must be awful to relive your own personal experiences but it honestly helps me so much. It’s like a little bit of therapy coming on here. There are just so many people that don’t understand how precious Guinea pigs are. She is so missed and it’s only been 48 hours but we have her ashes back already and her beautiful little paw prints to treasure forever. I hope she’s giving poppy all the kisses she could wish for. It’s certainly so empty here without her. Naughty honey and Hazel are a little bit lost in that big cage without them both. Life can be so cruel

 

[Josie_lg]

How do you all cope with the sudden what if’s, it’s worse at night or in the mornings for me. But I keep having the awful “what if we had tried for a couple more days” thought going through my mind. I think because poppys decline was slow and stretched out. I just still feel that buttercup had so much more life to live. She didn’t even make it to four years old. She was still a baby to me. I shouldn’t have had to make that decision.
But I know a piggie who isn’t eating, hyper salivating and jolting in pain and deteriorating wasn’t going to make it through the massive op. Even so, they found a nodule in her cervix aswell as the big mass so they may not have been able to take that all out anyways. I want to be able to grieve her without this overwhelming guilt and thinking that I did something wrong. I just keep replaying the last 48 hours over in my head. Tomorrows a week since she suddenly got poorly. I miss her so much already!

 

[harmonies]

stay strong its horrible losing loved ones its the hardest part of life but see how much you were loved and I know us crazy maybe just me crazy animal lover we find peace and we love again just find comfort through these next few days while your grieving sending lots of hugs

 

[Tom_M]

Remember that you helped her when she needed it most. Like you said, she wasn't doing well. The thing to focus on is that you gave her a good life, kept her safe and warm and fed, during the time she was with you. What you had to do, you did out of love for her, and for the love she had for you. Always remember those good feelings and good memories. They'll help with the grief.