Transgenderism.

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Darky

So!

I thought I'd start yet another, fairly random thread.

As I've mentioned once before - I am a Female-to-Male Pre-Op Transsexual. I have socially transitioned, in that I identify as male, go by a male name, male pronouns, male attire, etc.

Because of this, I sometimes find it awkward on forums, especially when I post a photo of myself, because I am clearly not masculine:



So! I was wondering what y'all personally think of the matter.

Transgenderism is generally basically when someone identifies as the opposite sex. This can be for several different reasons, but often it is highly inexplicable, and although scientists believe that the cause is most likely biological (not psychological), there is no fool-proof explanation as of yet.
 

darkest.dreaming

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One of my friends recently told us she was trying to become a male from female(well obviously). Unfortunatly for her her doc is not being very helpfull and she's having a really tough time with her family about it also. I'm behind her all the way if thats what she wants. It doesn't bother me at all if thats what a person decides to do as thats how they will be truly happy. I hope things go well for you. It's a tough decision to make and to tell people as you dont know how they will react. I must say you look like a very pretty girl though, i wish i looked like you. :)
 

Abnoba

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Between the age of.. 12 to 15 Id say, I was pondering aswell if I wouldnt prefer to be a guy.

I was in a relationship with my now best friend Julia, much to the horror of my parents, and because of my short haircut and the clothes I wore everyone who didnt know us thought I was her boyfriend anyway.

As I got older I have sort of accepted myself for who I am, and am actually quite happy being a woman, and have started really enjoying myself. Starting growing my hair long again aswell (and love it!). Though I suppose it was never that bad for me as I always have been bisexual, not lesbian, so I suppose that helps... being in a relationship with a guy, who always tells you how gorgeous you are as a WOMAN - and that you are perfect without any need to change.. helps alot to accepting yourself and your body.

But I did consider it back then. It just didnt feel right to me, being a girl, and especially as I was the sort of male part in the relationship with my girlfriend..

I suppose if you are sure that its the right thing for you, go for it. But just remind yourself that you can be perfectly happy in a gay relationship without the need to change your body.. after all, its your soul that your partner falls in love with, not your skin, isnt it?

I am now at a point where I can say I feel happy with my body, even if I wasnt with my future hubby, but still with a girl.
Simply because I accept myself, I think there is something up there that created me, and I think they did a great job.
Why should I change my body, I can still express myself in any way I want and love whoever I want regardless.

I think the body is overrated nowadays anyway.
 
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Darky

darkest.dreaming said:
One of my friends recently told us she was trying to become a male from female(well obviously). Unfortunatly for her her doc is not being very helpfull and she's having a really tough time with her family about it also. I'm behind her all the way if thats what she wants. It doesn't bother me at all if thats what a person decides to do as thats how they will be truly happy. I hope things go well for you. It's a tough decision to make and to tell people as you dont know how they will react. I must say you look like a very pretty girl though, i wish i looked like you. :)
Thank you? XD

I am very lucky to have some extremely supportive friends, a 100% supportive and accepting partner (who fell in love with me, knowing that I'm Trans, last year) and a great family. But I have lost a few friends to this, and it's very difficult to make new friends.

Plus there's the constant, "Which bathroom do I use?" "I don't want to go in the changing room in this store," "Why are you calling me Miss?" and whatnot.

Abnoba said:
Between the age of.. 12 to 15 Id say, I was pondering aswell if I wouldnt prefer to be a guy.

I was in a relationship with my now best friend Julia, much to the horror of my parents, and because of my short haircut and the clothes I wore everyone who didnt know us thought I was her boyfriend anyway.

As I got older I have sort of accepted myself for who I am, and am actually quite happy being a woman, and have started really enjoying myself. Starting growing my hair long again aswell (and love it!). Though I suppose it was never that bad for me as I always have been bisexual, not lesbian, so I suppose that helps... being in a relationship with a guy, who always tells you how gorgeous you are as a WOMAN - and that you are perfect without any need to change.. helps alot to accepting yourself and your body.

But I did consider it back then. It just didnt feel right to me, being a girl, and especially as I was the sort of male part in the relationship with my girlfriend..

I suppose if you are sure that its the right thing for you, go for it. But just remind yourself that you can be perfectly happy in a gay relationship without the need to change your body.. after all, its your soul that your partner falls in love with, not your skin, isnt it?

I am now at a point where I can say I feel happy with my body, even if I wasnt with my future hubby, but still with a girl.
Simply because I accept myself, I think there is something up there that created me, and I think they did a great job.
Why should I change my body, I can still express myself in any way I want and love whoever I want regardless.

I think the body is overrated nowadays anyway.
Well I'm bisexual as well, and my partner is genderqueer - physically male, but prefers being referred to as female, but is perfectly happy with their body and doesn't suffer with gender identity dysphoria.

I've known quite a few girls who have gone through "genderbending" stages like you have, and it tends to help them with their identities as women later in life, but.. I just don't feel like that. It's certainly not related to sexuality, though I am generally called gay in my attraction to men (I've not been seen as a lesbian since I was about 14, and that was not a fun time in my life).

It's awesome that you feel happy in yourself, mentally and physically. But unfortunately, after suffering with this ever since I can remember, it's just not that easy for me. I'm just-.. Not female. I accept and love my body, because it's mine and I have lived with it forever, but it is not ideal and it gets in the way of how I see myself.
 

Abnoba

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then why not change it..

After all, alot of people - who are actually pretty but have some minor flaw that to them is huge and a problem - have OPs done..

if someone corrects their nose or their boobs or becomes white after being born black - well if it makes you happy to change your sex, then why NOT?

I am sure this is something you have carefully considered and it is not just something that you take lightly as its just a new fancy, so if you have thought it through and you still want it - do it :)

Its pretty expensive though, isnt it? What do they charge these days?
 
D

Darky

Unfortunately, it's just not that easy.

The PCT are being awkward and have yet to fund my referral to the Charing Cross/Claybrook Gender Identity Clinic. That appointment in itself will take six months - and then another six months for the second appointment, so a year before they may let me start taking Testosterone.

And a masectomy on the NHS would take at least a year after that - probably adding on another year after that for the waiting list.

To get the masectomy privately would probably cost around £6K.
 
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gothchick1515

I back anything my friends or family wanna do 100% whatever makes them happy makes me happy. it must be tough in the socioty we live in (cant remember if you live in the uk!) as i know that my gay/lesbian friends find it hard with out culture but I'm not bothered by any of it I'm totally open minded about everythin and good luck with it all by the way love you hair colour
 

Abnoba

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I always thought you had to have it done privately anyway, wasnt aware that the NHS would actually fund it..

but then, I suppose if it would actually cause emotional distress, if it is something that is pschologically harming you, then I suppose its something that the NHS would actually have to do... is that why they draw it out so long and make it so awkward?

Because they feel like you have to prove to them that you actually need that done? Just so that they dont have to pay for it?

Is it any cheaper to have it done privately in other countries, e.g. Netherlands etc?
 

kayjay

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Abnoba said:
I always thought you had to have it done privately anyway, wasnt aware that the NHS would actually fund it..

but then, I suppose if it would actually cause emotional distress, if it is something that is pschologically harming you, then I suppose its something that the NHS would actually have to do... is that why they draw it out so long and make it so awkward?

Because they feel like you have to prove to them that you actually need that done? Just so that they dont have to pay for it?

Is it any cheaper to have it done privately in other countries, e.g. Netherlands etc?
When I was nursing years ago we had a male to female person in for surgery on the NHS. I would guess the process is drawn out to ensure the person concerned makes the right decision as after all it's irreversible when done.
 
J

Jillybean

You should go along with your gut feeling about what to do. It must be really difficult to not feel right and if you can do something to make life better then go for it. You've obviously given it loads of thought, I think if it was me I'd just try to speak to as many people who've been through it and see if it's worked for them and if they could offer any advice. Good luck.
 

Jane

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Can I just say I love your hair :P I think you should go along with what you think, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks aslong as you are happy.
 

bevs

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Yes I also believe it to be biological from articles i've read and documentaries i've watched etc. I also think whether we grow up to be gay or straight is biological too.

You obviously have given this many years of thought, you probably knew from a very early age I would imagine? How are your family with it, if you don't mind me asking.

I personally have no problem with it at all, I wouldn't say to someone I'm not talking to you because you have say brown hair, so why do people behave that way when some is gay or a transexual etc..... its bizarre :-\

One of the best friends I ever had was gay, it was great we used to go shopping and clubbing, and hubby didn't mind a bit ;D
 
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hils78

I say whatever floats your boat! go for it if you can & if it will make you happy. My boss is lesbian but looks very much like a teenage boy - she's 38! so many people ask her if she is trangender - but she's not.
I have been asked on a couple of occasions 'what would you do if your daughter told you she is gay?' usually when they find out my boss is gay :~D my response would be as above - what ever floats your boat, not bothered!

Keep us updated with the progress.
 

bevs

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hils78 said:
I have been asked on a couple of occasions 'what would you do if your daughter told you she is gay?' usually when they find out my boss is gay :~D my response would be as above - what ever floats your boat, not bothered!
Agree 100% I have a son who would rather bake cakes than play sports, and who loves to come shopping with me, be it for food or clothes, he's like the daughter I never had!
I have always let it be known in no uncertain terms that being gay is perfectly ok, and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest
 

Barmy4boars

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I think we all have to do what makes us happy; so on that basis I don't have a problem with it. I haven't really had much experience with it personally- but as has been wisely said in this thread, we all have things we would like to change and for some people those things they want to change really make them miserable and they have to do something about it. Your gender is your 'thing'... its just a bit more complicated to do than most things. I wish you well in your journey to get what you want. It sounds like it will be a bit of a fight but I am sure that you will get there in the end. :)
 
S

snugglypig

I think it is great that you are so open and honest about how you feel and who you are.
Have many Gay friends and love each and everyone of them for who they are and not what they look like.


Good luck for the future.
It is such a shame for you that the procedures take such a long time, to get to where you want too.

It is great that you have a supportive partner and family

karen
 

sars1359

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Darky said:
So!

I thought I'd start yet another, fairly random thread.

As I've mentioned once before - I am a Female-to-Male Pre-Op Transsexual. I have socially transitioned, in that I identify as male, go by a male name, male pronouns, male attire, etc.

Because of this, I sometimes find it awkward on forums, especially when I post a photo of myself, because I am clearly not masculine:



So! I was wondering what y'all personally think of the matter.

Transgenderism is generally basically when someone identifies as the opposite sex. This can be for several different reasons, but often it is highly inexplicable, and although scientists believe that the cause is most likely biological (not psychological), there is no fool-proof explanation as of yet.


ooooh i love the colour of your hair!
 

michellemuffin

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my sis in law is a lesbin but identifies with being a male in the relationship, we had no problem with it when she found a partner of the same sex as her, but her mum cut us out of her life becasue we wanted our teenage son to know as she lived by his school and saw her a lot, her mum wanted it kept quite, the mum took the whole thing out on us despite us being 100% ok with her choice, we never saw her again until her funeral in 2005, but becasue we backed her daughter the mother took it out on us, we are still fine with it our kids know and have always known and are also fine about it, we think she could'nt take it out on her daughter so chose to take it out on us instead, but as we said to her what ever makes you happy, its your life your choice if others dont agree thats thier problem not yours,
but agree you are very pretty probably not what you want to hear though
 
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