What helped YOU feel better?

[RosieLily]

Hi and thanks for tuning in,

I'm in a bit of a pickle. A big pickle. I cannot seem to let go of my anger, disappointment and pain. Not even a little bit. A little while ago I took in a young boy who had been seriously neglected. I tried to help him, me and the boy received so much love from this forum, my vet was 100% invested, but it just wasn't enough.

When it comes to other losses I've dealt with, I've comforted myself by going down the memory lane and reminding myself of all the happy, funny and goofy moments. When it comes to Bruno's life, it's nothing but heartbreak and fear that I felt and feel. Which makes me so-so angry. He had been left to rot and he STILL opened himself up to me, another human. He was an innocent little soul who should've been given a warm loving home. He should have been cuddled, talked to, interacted with. Instead he was left to suffer, all alone, in a small dirty cage, with an owner who joked about it.

I know it takes time to heal, but the anger is eating me up. There are moments when I uncontrollably start shaking and crying. My heart physically hurts me. I've lost so much sleep and even have nightmares sometimes. I feel guilt, but I'm not really sure why, I don't think I did anything bad to him? I really tried. And I so wanted him to finally fell comfort and love.

It all feels so cruel and unfair. How to heal when it's like this?

 

[piggieminder]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much. You gave love and comfort to Bruno in his last days, such a precious gift. I can imagine it's hard when you have no happy memories to look back on. It's time and the memories that usually help us to heal, it's so sad you don't have happier ones of those. You did nothing wrong, you did far more than most people would have been prepared to do. Sending you hugs and my very best wishes.

 

[Swissgreys]

I like to think that even a few days of love, care, safety, warmth and food can make a huge difference in the life of any animal.
Leaving this world having been treated kindly and having known love (even if for a very short time) counts.

You did all you could for your boy and he knows that.
Be kind to yourself and also allow yourself to grieve.

 

[Bill & Ted]

I can understand your anger fully. Those dreadful owners got off with all the anguish and pain that you suffered taking him on, hoping you could save him and it was not to be. You are angry because it was their fault, they were the reason why he died and you can’t shout and rage at them, you are just left with your loss and pain. I’m so sorry you had to go through this with Bruno, you did everything you could have possibly done, sending hugs x

 

[Merab]

So sorry for your loss and the way it happened.
I can echo what others have said about the love and care you gave Bruno and remember that guinea pigs live for today.
Your anger is perfectly normal under the circumstances.

There are ways of helping to work through it. One I favour is to recognise that I need to forgive the person / people who caused it and so every day simply say I forgive.
At first it will be through gritted teeth but eventually you will realise that somewhere along the line your anger has gone. This isn’t condoning cruelty - it’s about you healing.

Another way is to write a letter to the people who caused Bruno’s suffering and tell them what you think. Do not send the letter but destroy it. Again this is something that can be repeated as often as needed.

Venting here as often as you need to is also helpful.

Please remember that grief takes time. These strong emotions don’t just go away in a few days. This is why patience and being gentle with yourself are important.

I don’t know if you have any religious belief, I do and sometimes I just remind myself that one day those who perpetrated the cruelty will face a judge from whom there is no hiding and no escape.

Hugs

 

[Idris]

A good question. It’s very easy to blame yourself with what ifs, especially when you naturally feel anger , even though it’s the actions of others who are the real ones who should be feeling bad. Try to be kind to yourself for doing what you could and doing more than most would. The sort of people on forums like this almost always want to do more and set high standards. Take time to grieve and keep learning. We all lose some along the way and it is always terribly sad. I was on the way to post some memories of three we lost in previous Januarys. Sending you my sympathy and best wishes.

 

[Sweet Potato]

All I can say is just let yourself feel these things cry, rant and scream into your pillow. Don't punish yourself for feeling these things it's only natural. You may not have had long but you should be proud he died in your care with proper vet visits and all the love in the world, finally understanding how it feels to be respected and treasured rather than suffering in the way he was until the bitter end.

 

[Freela]

I very much understand your anger, it eats me up inside when people mistreat animals. It is deeply unfair that he had such a hard life and such a short time to be with someone who loved him- but remember, he got the experience of being loved and cared for with you, and that's important. Without you, he would have died alone in the hell that he lived in. With you, he got compassion and he was receptive to it and opened up to it... you reached him and made a difference in his life.

I know, for myself, one of the things that helps me is to do something good for another animal. Put a couple of dollars in a box for a pet charity when you get a chance. Consider rescuing again in the future. Let his memory inspire a kind act so his life is a catalyst for a little more kindness in the world. I have always liked that poem about a dog's last will and testament, where a dog, having passed on, only wishes for his family to pay the love they had for him forward to another animal in need. That's what helps me to heal, personally.

 

[Hath]

Hi. I can totally relate to what you're going through. As I work for animal rescue I see what evil people do every day and I hate people because of it. I have changed. The process of rehabilitating the poor animals is just heartbreaking and what gets you through is the 'happy ending' you've dreamt for the poor victims. But when that doesn't happen, and even though we put so much effort and love into nursing these innocent victims back to health, it still isn't enough. It hurts more when the happy ending isn't there.
I believe animals live in the moment. Their lives are short and so they can't afford to dwell on the past. I focus on the fact they've had more love and care in that time and it was a blessing, all they ever wanted. I comfort myself knowing they were happy, even if for a short time.
Grief is essential part of loss and it sounds like you're going through just that. The anger, the anxiety and doubts. If you feel like you need help, reach out to councillor services.
I am sorry I cannot give you specific help as I don't know what you enjoy and your personality. But what I know you need to hear is that you've done more for him than anyone else and he knew the difference. He didn't die in dirty cage with empty belly and no one to notice.
Share your feelings with others and know it will get better. But first, you have to go through the grief and loss. Take your time

 

[Kellykels]

It helps me to write down my thoughts so they are not stuck in my head and to dwell on them. But after my rant. I try to turn it back to 3 things I am truly grateful for. It doesn't have to be related to the subject. Just anything I am grateful for. Perhaps also talk to someone.
You are such a good person for taking Bruno in, in his time of need. It's ok that you're angry. It is a valid feeling. Just don't let it take over.

 

[Tara95]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I think you need to have another guinea pig, another creature to save and for him/her to live. To see him happy and healthy, something you couldn't have the first time round which wasn't your fault. Obviously you need to do this in your own time and you need to grieve also. When I was a child I had a guinea pig who wasn't very well kept. I was so young I didn't see it at the time. The lone guinea pig was also kept with a rabbit which is the worst possible thing but at the time they were sold together and I wasn't a very knowledgeable 7 year old and my mum was pretty useless/clueless with pets. (Still doesn't like the fact that I keep my own guinea pigs inside in my own house). I don't really like thinking about my childhood guinea pig because I just feel guilt which is probably how you feel subconsciously but it wasn't your fault at all. Luckily my old guinea pig was heathy (I think) and as I got older around 11 I was able to get her a guinea pig friend at last and that's the only comfort I can take. To this day I don't like thinking about it and even today subconsciously I was looking at the preloved website for a lone female guinea pig being kept by herself. Every time there's a lone sow, I crumble and think of ways I can adopt her as I know I have the space for one more. I just feel like if I can "save" a guinea from a **** life, tiny cage, living by herself that somehow I'll feel better for it. Just in the process of caring for an animal will make you feel better. Keep us updated on how you're getting on. Xx

 

[Eriathwen]

I can be very hard on myself when I cant save a pig, or make them better. What I do is (in addition to a lot of the above) I will sit down and think of what lessons I learned from that pigs journey with me, long or short. What information can I take forward to potentially save another. No life or chance to save one is ever for nothing if we can use that experience to help someone else, I think.

I havent yet lost a rescued pig, but I have lost special piggies with long term health conditions that have impacted their lives and how well or long they were able to live them. I can empathise with the anger youre feeling towards other peoples actions, resulting in a much loved piggy not being able to live a long, happy, normal life. Even piggies I still have here, if I think about it too long I feel a lot of anger for how some have been treated. But piggies are very intuitive animals, ive found. Even when they're still very new, wary of me, seemingly untrusting. They know they're safe, they know they have food again, clean water, shelter. Even if they were with us just a short time they knew that you would do right by them, your lovely little man knew the life you would have given him, I believe. He didn't pass hungry, cold and afraid, even at the end of the day if all we can do is provide them comfort on their journey to the other side, its better than they otherwise would have had.