A complaint to the GPU, by Noella

P

poggle

Adult Guinea Pig
Joined
Nov 17, 2021
Messages
1,266
Reaction score
2,987
Points
925
Location
Cornwall, UK
Dear GPU,

Today we were unceremoniously uprooted to our travel carrier for nearly two hours. Our human claims that we would not have appreciated the noisy drilling happening next to our home in the living room and that it was for our benefit, but we are not convinced. She has tried to appease us with a clean cage, an extra-large pile of hay in the dining area, piles of the good Timothy hay in other parts of our home, an extra dinner of cucumber in the carrier, a new cardboard hide, a sprinkling of pellets, and our much-loved forage from Piggie Parcels - however, we believe a complaint is still in order due to the upheaval and substandard accommodation. Harry and Nixie have had to retire to our castle hide to recoup while I have sought the comfort (and comfort eating) of hiding in a hay pile.

As a side note, we are appalled that our travel carrier was ever considered adequate housing for two guinea pigs. Our human tells us that it was purchased nearly 10,500 dinners ago and that things have changed a lot for the better since then, and that the pigs it was purchased for were swiftly upgraded, but we remain indignant on their behalf.

Kind regards
Noella
 
Dear Noella

How dare your Slave confine you to your travel carrier for ever! (well two hours but that's still forever in my book). A travel carrier is just that "for travel". It should never be used as a Temporary Housing Solution. It's far too small for piggies to stay in for any length of time. Your Slave is a bit on the thick side as the obvious Temporary Housing Solution is to line the bath with fleece and pop you in there. At least you would have had enough room to run around and a big pile of hay to play in.

Your Slave is clearly feeling guilty to try to placate you in the way that she has. I've had a look at leaflet "What to do if your Slave Confines you to a Very Small Space" and Page 3, Paragraph 2, Subsection 4ii states "Should your Slave feel the need to use a Carrier as Temporary Housing Solution, ensure that it doesn't happen again" Then it gives various solutions to show your total dissatisfaction that you've had to endure this terrible ordeal. They include:-
  • Wheaking loudly at the top of your voice at all hours of the day and night.
  • Bar chewing while they are attempting to watch the box in the corner that has changing pictures and voices emanating from it.
  • Trying not to be picked up by running away just when your Slave thinks she has her hands around you.
  • Demanding you are fed at regular intervals by putting your feet on your food bowl and looking cute.
Yours hoping that this trauma never affects you again.

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
 
Dear One and Only Thea,

Thank you for your quick response and thorough advice. We have taken notes and stashed them in our castle to be used at a moment's notice.

Our human has given an unsatisfactory excuse about no bath being available. However, we have been gratified to see that karma has swiftly intervened on our behalf: the large growly furry one has had an upset tummy all afternoon and the human has had to clean up many unpleasant smells. We don't wish ill on the blonde one, though, and are wishing her a speedy recovery now that the human has suffered a bit.

Many thanks
Noella
 
Dear Noella’s (torturous) slave,

I hope the growly, furry one feels better soon.

Noella, do you really want to be inhaling those toxic fumes that the growly furry one has made? Or do they smell like veg?

Yours dimly,
Toff
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top