A Guinea Pig's Guide to Taking Care of Your Human

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GuineaPig24

GuineaPig24

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1. Conversation. Your human needs all the love they can get. You should talk to them to make them happy.

2. Sleep with them. When your human lays down next to you, get cozy and lay down too. That will make them warmer.

3. Put your paws on their face. Human faces are very sensitive and need a massage to keep the skin soft.

4. Climb under their neck. To keep warm, human necks are very cozy and even they like it when you sit there.

5. Squeal. When you hear a bag crinkle or the so called "fridge" open, squeal so your human will give you food and be happy.

(Below are ideas from comments from other members)

6. Make sure to poop everywhere! If you don't, the humans get worried. You need to keep them calm and happy.

7. Chew the bars so they know you're still around and you haven't forgotten them!

8. Run around LOTS! They love to watch you and think everything is cute which means more veggies!
 
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That's adorable!

6. Make sure to poop everywhere! If you don't, the human gets worried. You need to keep them calm and happy.

7. Chew the bars so they know you are still around and that you haven't forgotten them!
 
Occasionally start to sing in the middle of the night,this confuses your human who wakes up the whole house to find "the bird that's got in" and work out which piggy was singing - do not forget to stop singing as soon as human puts the light on !
 
Mine would add the following -

Never forget the importance of regular exercise to keep your human healthy. This can most easily be provided by constant wheeking and bar biting, which will send them scurrying out into the garden to cut grass. If the humans have run out of cucumber (disaster!) you should try to persuade them to get out their bicycle and do a round trip of 8 miles just to buy one. Thus thoughtfully providing your human with a good amount of beneficial exercise, and proving their devotion to you at the same time.
 
Dont forget to fake illness every bank holiday and just before they go on holiday just to keep them on their toes. Cant have them getting bored now.
 
It is also important that the human share their love of guinea pigs with others. As soon as you hear human on a 'work call' (whatever one of them is) one which apparently has lots of people on, especially those in others countries, squeal and wheek as loudly as possible so caller has to ask what's going on...then they will share the love.
 
Like hoo-mans we have needs too... If we need to pee pee or poo poo we will. It is very important to train your slaves efficiently even if it means pulling at blankies or nibbling fingers to warn them! And if they don't get it... Oopsey, maybe next time they will learn!
 
I love the one about singing in the middle of the night...mine like to 'sing me the song of their people' at about 4am & scattering hay everywhere is familiar too! I love this thread, it's given me a much needed giggle :D
 
I thought it was just george who did the clothes / blanket pulling thing. Tiger used to rumble for a wee lol
 
Do not forget to tear strips off your cardboard box that you have ignored during daylight hours with wild abandon at 3 o'clock in the morning,hence waking up the whole household,then running away and hiding in a cosy when they come downstairs.
 
6. Make sure to poop everywhere! If you don't, the humans get worried. You need to keep them calm and happy.
He, he!
I actually think the poop is great! I have an allotment and what isn't going on my sweetcorn and leek beds goes into my compost bin! I also make sure to rinse their fleeces in a bucket (without soap) as an activator for my leaf mould. I didn't buy them with my garden in mind, but they are rather handy in this aspect.
 
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