A Guinea Pig
Adult Guinea Pig
When people come over:
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Me: yes, yes, they are just eating some hay
Them: what a big hamster
Me: it’s not a hamster, it is a guinea pig, hamsters are a lot smaller
Them: it’s kind of fat, think you could take them of hay and just pellets for a bit
Me: of course not, they need hay to keep them healthy
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The kid: I don’t like the onion
Them: go give it to the guinea pig
Me: dives right before the onion enters the cage
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The kid: Eww, there is poop everywhere! You have to clean the cage!
Me: I cleaned it this morning
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Them: Ima get a drink from the fridge
Guinea pigs: squeaking from the top of their lungs
Them: can I give them a chocolate just as a treat? Not the dog though right?
Me: no they already ate
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Them: maybe we could bring over our rabbit so that they could play while we talk?
Me: not it’s fine, don’t want them getting sick
Them: our rabbits are very healthy! No worries!
Me: it’s fine
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Them: what a big cage! Think you could make it smaller and put a cute table there?
No: they like the space
Them: you would like a cute table! I already have one picked out
Me: no, I like the cute colours of the cage
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The kid: can I hold one?
Me: not right now (never)
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Them: I’m dying of allergies, can you put them outside? It’s only 95° with full sun
Me: no, I’ll just give them some orchard grass instead
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Them: Do the kids really need theses guinea pigs? Bill down the street from us, really want some. He said they have tasty feet
Me: no, we are taking very good care of them the kids really love them
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Me: oh no! My guinea pig did not eat her lettuce! I have to take her to the vet immediately
Them: maybe she is just full
Me: no! This is an emergency
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Them: guinea pig seem like really cheap pets, maybe we should get one
Me: no! Guinea pigs are horrible pets, they bite, scrap, and nip! You don’t wanna guinea pig! They are just horrible pets (you would take horrible care of it).
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Them: why do you buy all these toys? They don’t even use them.
Me:
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Them: It’s a little dirty, maybe you should give it a bad once a week
Me: sure
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The kids: let’s play a song!
Them: I’m a turn, the sound up to level 10
Me: noooooo! Too loud for the pigs!
Them: it’s just a three minute song
Me: just turn it down a bit
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Them: I’m going to spray some of this really toxic air freshener
Me: no, no no no no no no! That’s really bad for them.
Them: so?! it’s bad hygiene!
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Them: think you could give her a wheel?
Me: never
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Them: oh, she is chattering her teeth, that means she must be cold
Me: oh no
whatever will we do? ( have you leave and never come back and tell me I am raising guinea pigs wrong)
—————————
In the struggle is real folks, the struggle is real
—————————
Me: yes, yes, they are just eating some hay
Them: what a big hamster
Me: it’s not a hamster, it is a guinea pig, hamsters are a lot smaller
Them: it’s kind of fat, think you could take them of hay and just pellets for a bit
Me: of course not, they need hay to keep them healthy
—————————
The kid: I don’t like the onion
Them: go give it to the guinea pig
Me: dives right before the onion enters the cage
—————————
The kid: Eww, there is poop everywhere! You have to clean the cage!
Me: I cleaned it this morning
—————————
Them: Ima get a drink from the fridge
Guinea pigs: squeaking from the top of their lungs
Them: can I give them a chocolate just as a treat? Not the dog though right?
Me: no they already ate
————————-
Them: maybe we could bring over our rabbit so that they could play while we talk?
Me: not it’s fine, don’t want them getting sick
Them: our rabbits are very healthy! No worries!
Me: it’s fine
—————————
Them: what a big cage! Think you could make it smaller and put a cute table there?
No: they like the space
Them: you would like a cute table! I already have one picked out
Me: no, I like the cute colours of the cage
—————————
The kid: can I hold one?
Me: not right now (never)
————————
Them: I’m dying of allergies, can you put them outside? It’s only 95° with full sun
Me: no, I’ll just give them some orchard grass instead
—————————
Them: Do the kids really need theses guinea pigs? Bill down the street from us, really want some. He said they have tasty feet
Me: no, we are taking very good care of them the kids really love them
—————————
Me: oh no! My guinea pig did not eat her lettuce! I have to take her to the vet immediately
Them: maybe she is just full
Me: no! This is an emergency
—————————
Them: guinea pig seem like really cheap pets, maybe we should get one
Me: no! Guinea pigs are horrible pets, they bite, scrap, and nip! You don’t wanna guinea pig! They are just horrible pets (you would take horrible care of it).
—————————
Them: why do you buy all these toys? They don’t even use them.
Me:
—————————
Them: It’s a little dirty, maybe you should give it a bad once a week
Me: sure
—————————
The kids: let’s play a song!
Them: I’m a turn, the sound up to level 10
Me: noooooo! Too loud for the pigs!
Them: it’s just a three minute song
Me: just turn it down a bit
—————————
Them: I’m going to spray some of this really toxic air freshener
Me: no, no no no no no no! That’s really bad for them.
Them: so?! it’s bad hygiene!
—————————
Them: think you could give her a wheel?
Me: never
—————————
Them: oh, she is chattering her teeth, that means she must be cold
Me: oh no
whatever will we do? ( have you leave and never come back and tell me I am raising guinea pigs wrong)—————————
In the struggle is real folks, the struggle is real
