A serious complaint to the GPU from The Shop Steward

[Betsy]

Dear GPU

I have a very serious complaint to report. Our Slave went and left me, Patsy and Meg in the hutch ALL DAY. It doesn't matter that Slave cleaned the hutch out 2 days early (in anticipation of us staying in all day so it was all nice and fresh in the hutch) or that we've had a lovely week outside on the patio on a clean duvet every day with a Carrot Cottage to play with and breakfast al fresco. We did not want a duvet day. Slave told us that we had to have a day "confined to barracks" as she had to take Son No 3 Slave back to Uni whatever that means.

I await your reply.

Yours fed up with a duvet day

The Ever Beautiful Betsy

 

[Claire W]

Aw Betsy, you poor guinea pigs We too have been confined to our cage all day as our slaves in laws are staying for the weekend and as they have been out for most of the day, we couldn’t go outside in this summer weather. We can’t even go outside now to enjoy the evening sunshine as all the slaves are apparently now going out for a meal. It just isn’t good enough!

Edward, Elizabeth, Ella and Esme

 

[Spaghetti & Noodles]

Dear Betsy
I can sympathise with you completely, yesterday the big slave said we would not get to go in the run and non on grass because she had to go and visit her dad, we do not understand this and quite why she had to take the small slave and the big male slave with her is beyond us, the big male slave, who pretends not to really like us, didn't even leave us any dandelion leaves.
We were left in our shed with only hay to play in all day, as a protest we even left some of our veg, well until we realised we were not getting anything else.
To make matters worse today the big slave complained that we had made "a right mess" with said hay and then proceeded to sweep it up and ruin our run! Do they not understand how long it takes to get it just right.
We have also noticed that one slave is missing, he is not as big as the big male slave but bigger than the small slave, he often pops into our shed and chats with us and gives us extra treats, even though the other slave says not to and she can see him on this thing called a Piggie cam? We do hope he returns soon.

I do hope your complaint is dealt with properly and in a timely fashion, we will be keeping an eye and seeing if maybe we too should lodge a formal complaint.

Here's hoping for a better day tomorrow

Spaghetti, Noodle & Mr Pig

 

[PigglePuggle]

Dear Betsy,

Us PigglePuggle piggies are appalled by this dreadful neglect, last weekend we experienced a similar shocking set of circumstances when our pet hoomans went "babysitting" and "rabbit sitting" for the weekend! We only got one veggie meal instead of two on Saturday and had to subsist entirely on big piles of hay for almost 24 hours! Then the hoomans arrived home smelling of bunny rabbit, good job Mummy made Daddy have a bath and change his clothes before he fed us. But our Sunday cage clean and playpen time got delayed until Monday, and although both hoomans sensibly agreed that they much prefer piggies to hooman children, Daddy had the cheek to say "I love that bunny rabbit though". Such betrayal! Surely our collective piggy ears especially Tallulah's can rival that of any rabbit? And the wheeking, rabbits cannot do that, we are clearly superior in that regard!

We know quite a lot about Uni though, we all went last semester, it was a bit confusing doing "Zoom" cos it actually means sit still and eat snacks and be admired by other hoomans on the compooter. But we arent sure why it would take your slave so long to get there cos we went to Uni in the spare bedroom where they hide the hay boxes, it was only a quick commute by laundry basket up the stairs and into our piggy office box which had hay cookies and hay and other important office furniture!

Hoomans are very confusing sometimes and should be trained better.

Love from Piggle, Puggle, Theo, Blod, Jezzy, Clover, Ollie and Tallulah x

 

[Merab]

Dear Ever Beautiful Betsy,
We at the GPU offices take such complaints very seriously so thank you and other piggies for bringing this gross act of neglect to our attention.
We will be preparing some new slave training materials in the near future to help you.
As a number of our members have become accustomed to Zoom we will also be working on some online training material.
In the meantime we recommend very loud wheeks to ensure every human in the vicinity is aware of your plight.
We also recommend a withdrawal of slave privileges such as cuddles.
Copious quantities of wee and poops ensure extra work for neglectful slaves.
As a last resort you can use our Swiss member, Ruby’s technique and nip your slaves.
Ruby can be contacted via @Swissgreys for further tips.

May we add that we are very impressed by your dedication to the well-being of all piggies in your role as TGPF shop steward.

Wheeks from the GPU Head Office

 

[Swissgreys]

Dear Ever Beautiful Betsy,
We at the GPU offices take such complaints very seriously so thank you and other piggies for bringing this gross act of neglect to our attention.
We will be preparing some new slave training materials in the near future to help you.
As a number of our members have become accustomed to Zoom we will also be working on some online training material.
In the meantime we recommend very loud wheeks to ensure every human in the vicinity is aware of your plight.
We also recommend a withdrawal of slave privileges such as cuddles.
Copious quantities of wee and poops ensure extra work for neglectful slaves.
As a last resort you can use our Swiss member, Ruby’s technique and nip your slaves.
Ruby can be contacted via @Swissgreys for further tips.

May we add that we are very impressed by your dedication to the well-being of all piggies in your role as TGPF shop steward.

Wheeks from the GPU Head Office

Dear Ever Beautiful Betsy,

As @Merab's Slave has already said, I am here to offer support and a full guide to slave nipping.
Like you, I face a similar dilemma in the coming week.
Apparently the big slalve will be away while she takes one of the small slaves back to school.

Honestly she could do with some schooling in guinea pig care herself if you ask me.
This trip will involve her being away for several days, and whilst she isn't my favourite person, she is also around a lot and does provide me with some essential items.
I hope I shan't suffer as badly as you in her absence.

Love Ruby x

 

[Betsy]

Dear Ruby

All three of us thank you for your answer and are appalled that you have a neglectful slave too. I only ever nip my Slave when she is clipping my nails as I don't like it. I think I shall stop nipping her to let her know that I need to be put down so I can have a wee and not wee on her so she has to change her outer skin. Why do Slaves wear different coloured skin everyday?

When our Slave goes away we get taken to Aunty Lucy's house for a stay there. We like Aunty Lucy as she spoils us rotten. Do you have an Aunty Lucy?

I hope we get treated better tomorrow. On Sunday's Piggy Grandma comes over and sometimes she brings us treats. We like Piggy Grandma.

Wheeks in understanding of the appalling conditions you have to endure

The Ever Beautiful Betsy

 

[Lorcan]

All three of us thank you for your answer and are appalled that you have a neglectful slave too. I only ever nip my Slave when she is clipping my nails as I don't like it. I think I shall stop nipping her to let her know that I need to be put down so I can have a wee and not wee on her so she has to change her outer skin. Why do Slaves wear different coloured skin everyday?

Ever Beautiful Betsy -

I think this is precisely what you should do. I can't believe what I read here on a daily basis, how badly treated the forum guinea pigs clearly are, just how much you all have to deal with on a daily basis. I agree, it can't be allowed to keep happening. Whatever next. your humans having actual lives? Madness, I say, just madness.

- the human not currently owned by guinea pigs


(psst, other humans - guinea pigs don't understand sarcasm, right? Oh my...well, at least nobody knows my address!)