Bladder stone op recovery - limp and rolling to one side - bereavement

So sorry for your loss, I'm glad you were able to say goodbye to him 💔 thinking of you all x
 
Sorry to hear about Picchu. Popcorn high at the rainbow bridge. 🌈
 
I am so so sorry, you did all you possibly could. Hugs and sleep well little one xx
 
So sorry, you tried so hard. Wishing you comfort. Rest easy at the bridge little Picchu 🌈
 
Thank you for all your kind words. It’s been a horrible day. I think I’ve had about 4 hours sleep in the last 2 nights. I’m constantly thinking about anything I could have done differently. I’m thinking things like did I accidentally overdose him as the post op sheet said start pain medication tomorrow but the nurse said tonight and I double checked that and she definitely said tonight. None of the vets I saw yesterday seemed to comment on that so I really hope it wasn’t that.

The final vet we saw suspected he might be having a bad reaction to the drugs if it was not something neurological but during his final hour his back legs completely shut off so she was then thinking more neurological such as a stroke.

I know thinking this will not bring him back but it’s just hard not to blame yourself. 😢😢
 
I am so very sorry for your loss it is natural to blame ourselves but you did all you could and Picchu knows that. Be kind to yourself as you grieve 💐
Popcorn happily over The Rainbow Bridge Picchu 🌈
 
machuandpicchumummy said:
Thank you for all your kind words. It’s been a horrible day. I think I’ve had about 4 hours sleep in the last 2 nights. I’m constantly thinking about anything I could have done differently. I’m thinking things like did I accidentally overdose him as the post op sheet said start pain medication tomorrow but the nurse said tonight and I double checked that and she definitely said tonight. None of the vets I saw yesterday seemed to comment on that so I really hope it wasn’t that.

The final vet we saw suspected he might be having a bad reaction to the drugs if it was not something neurological but during his final hour his back legs completely shut off so she was then thinking more neurological such as a stroke.

I know thinking this will not bring him back but it’s just hard not to blame yourself. 😢😢
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Hi

I am very sorry that you have got a full dose of the classic guilt loop that is characteristic for the onset of the grieving process. It is not because you or your vets have done anything wrong but because we as humans are wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves. It gets worse if a death happens under somewhat unexpected and/or traumatic circumstances - you qualify for both those aspects. You wouldn't experience these strong feelings of guilt/failure or intense soul-searching if you didn't care deeply, either. They are also a kind of back-handed credit to how much you love Picchu. What they are not is testament to you having something done wrong or missed something, no matter how much you search within yourself.

If it is any consolation to you, then I am of the same opinion as your vets that it is most likely a neurological malfunction that has probably been triggered by the GA. This is much more unusual than the usual bad post-op reaction and comes for me under the category of 'short straw in the cosmic lottery of bad luck' - totally random and nothing you can foresee or brace for and that you therefore cannot avoid. It just happens and you have to take it on your chin. But it has nothing to do with your or your vet's actions.

Your current pernicious mind loop is rather a PTSD reaction to your loss. Try to see it as that so you can get a bit of distance from it and can hopefully find some sleep at some point. It is always much harder if you have to deal with the shock and the pain of a loss all at once without any time to brace for it.
 
machuandpicchumummy said:
Thank you for all your kind words. It’s been a horrible day. I think I’ve had about 4 hours sleep in the last 2 nights. I’m constantly thinking about anything I could have done differently. I’m thinking things like did I accidentally overdose him as the post op sheet said start pain medication tomorrow but the nurse said tonight and I double checked that and she definitely said tonight. None of the vets I saw yesterday seemed to comment on that so I really hope it wasn’t that.

The final vet we saw suspected he might be having a bad reaction to the drugs if it was not something neurological but during his final hour his back legs completely shut off so she was then thinking more neurological such as a stroke.

I know thinking this will not bring him back but it’s just hard not to blame yourself. 😢😢
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wow, I'm so sorry to read this. My Joe went through exactly the same thing in april. I have alot a guilt about going forward with the procedure at all, if I only would have known I would have helped him to the bridge before and minimum his suffer.

I got the very exact instructions as you with the medications. Start same evening. Joe also picked up as "normal" at first, a bit more slow than previous times (dentalkid) but nothing alarming.
When you suffer with guilt it feels strange to tell someone in the very same position they did all the right things. We did the same things. But reading your post I know you did the right things, and it comforts me a bit.

I'm really sorry it ended this way for both Picchu and Joe. They leave such a big, empty hole in your heart. Be kind to yourself, and try to take mine and others words to your heart: you did all you could for Picchu. Try to think about all the sweet memories and not about the last day (I know its devastating to see your boy struggle that way).

Sleep in peace beautiful Picchu, I hope you meet Joe and can share experiences with him 🌈♥️🌈♥️🌈♥️
 
exia said:
wow, I'm so sorry to read this. My Joe went through exactly the same thing in april. I have alot a guilt about going forward with the procedure at all, if I only would have known I would have helped him to the bridge before and minimum his suffer.

I got the very exact instructions as you with the medications. Start same evening. Joe also picked up as "normal" at first, a bit more slow than previous times (dentalkid) but nothing alarming.
When you suffer with guilt it feels strange to tell someone in the very same position they did all the right things. We did the same things. But reading your post I know you did the right things, and it comforts me a bit.

I'm really sorry it ended this way for both Picchu and Joe. They leave such a big, empty hole in your heart. Be kind to yourself, and try to take mine and others words to your heart: you did all you could for Picchu. Try to think about all the sweet memories and not about the last day (I know its devastating to see your boy struggle that way).

Sleep in peace beautiful Picchu, I hope you meet Joe and can share experiences with him 🌈♥️🌈♥️🌈♥️
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I’m sorry to hear about Joe. I’m sure him and Picchu are popcorning around heaven’s lawn 💖💖
 
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