Can the GPU help me please?

Pound Shilling & Pig

Pound Shilling & Pig

Adult Guinea Pig
Joined
Aug 22, 2012
Messages
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Location
shropshire
Hello. This is Tigery. I only arrived in my new home yesterday and unfortunetly already have a complaint!
Sundays are weigh days here and I proudly sat on the scales expecting to be praised for my abundant 'heft' but my new hooman told me I was overweight!
My previous hooman, @Qualcast&Flymo had explained how much I enjoyed my food, and Squeak's food and his cc too. It was kind of me to keep him company and encourage him to eat all the delicious food his kind owner provided.
The new hooman says for now there will be no treats, no fruit, no carrots, no peaflakes and apparently nuggets are only provided once a week! What kind of a place have I come to?
 
Dear Tigery,
We don't like the sound of that at all. We do hope the GPU can sort this new home out for you, they obviously don't know what they are doing at this place. We are sure a GPU 'How Much To Feed Piggies' handbook will be in the post to them in the morning.
With much love and sympathy from Red and the gang at Pigglington Court.
 
Dear Tigery

It is simply unacceptable that anyone, especially a human, can make comment on the size of anyone else’s heft. Body shaming is never acceptable. To think that they say this and then remove food!?! Not only does it breach GPU rules but I’m sure it breaches European convention of piggie rights also.

I understand you are in a new home. Have you made it smell right yet? I think a good spray of wee up the walls and a pee on this human next time they are in range is the best option for now. Unless you nip her. You are wasting away after all and need the protein as she is now withholding food.

Yours
Queen Jenny
 
Dear Tigery,
I can't believe what I'm reading. What does your new slave think she is doing? Trying to put you on the nasty D word? :yikes:
You should try to give a good nip at every chance you get. Maybe then she will realize that feeding you properly is the only way to keep you from nipping.
Wheeks Bonny
from GPFANS headquarters
 
Dear Tigery

I understand you are being withheld food and were called fat! How dare your new Slave accuse you of being a bit rotund in the tummy department. You are just big boned that's all. No treats or pellets what is the world coming to when piggies don't get treats or pellets! Those are what makes life worth living.

When we came to our new home, pellets were restricted to 1 tablespoon for me and 1 tablespoon for Misty per day and that was bad enough. We thought that perhaps it was because they were different to what we had had before and our new Slave was getting our tummies acclimatised to them as she wasn't given any of our old pellets. We were used to a bowlful constantly filled up at our old home. The pellet amount didn't change and I get very excited now when Slave announces its breakfast time and start bouncing around my cage hoping every morning that my Slave will think its really cute and give me more pellets but no this doesn't happen but I can live in hope! I can't imagine the hardship of pellets once a week! That is just torture.

I have had a look in booklet "When your Slave withholds food and what to do about it" and Page 6, paragraph 4 section 7 states "Should your Slave decide that withholding treats is a good idea, you need to persuade her that it isn't" To do this you must

  • Wheak loudly when you are used to treats arriving so your Slave knows you are unhappy.
  • Take up bar biting if you don't already do so and bar bite when you know your Slave will be most annoyed by it.
  • When your Slave takes you out of the cage for any reason make sure you do a big wee just before you are put on a pee pad.
  • Try to do as many poops as possible while out of the cage and if you are allowed floor time ensure you leave a few poops where they can be trodden on.
Queen Jenny's idea of weeing up the walls is also a good one. As is the nipping from GPFANS. We at the GPU don't condone nipping but we do understand under certain circumstances it is necessary.

Yours hoping your pellets and treats arrive on time every time you expect them to.

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Thank you Miss Bramble. Tbf I dont think the new hooman is the smartest cucumber in the fridge. She seems a bit confused. She feeds vegetables in the morning, when I am use to them in the evening and grass in the evening when I am use to that in the morning.
Apparently Saturday night is nugget night so I am lucky I arrived on the day I did and was happy to be given a bowl of nuggets, well I say 'bowl of nuggets' but it was mostly an empty bowl with a few of the nuggets i brought with me and a few new ones dotted about at the bottom, still at least they were in a bowl, everyone else got theirs scattered all over the place like the hooman was feeding chickens!
I am mulling over your advise, so far I have been well behaved and pride myself on my good nature. I will keep you informed on how things progress and what action I take. At least there is plenty of hay so I will stuff my face with that and see if I can maintain my weight that way.

Tigery
 
Dear Tigery

I'm pleased that you have been well behave thus far. We get vegetables in the late afternoon in The Garage. I think morning veggie dindins would be very confusing too. How can you have dinner at breakfast time? We have our pellets in the morning scattered about. Don't worry if your new Slave does that after a while as it's a lot of fun trying to find them. I love it so much when my Slave announces it's pellet time, or "breakfast" as she likes to call it, I bounce around the cage (or the run depending if it's our turn in the run or not) and play zoomies until the pellets get scattered. Then I search around for them and when I find one its a bonus because my Mum Misty hasn't got it first (:raz: to her!).

Your friend

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Oh dear Tigery, I'm so sorry to hear you were complaining about your new accommodation and slave when you had been there scarcely 24 hours!

I can assure you that your new slave is One of The Best and once you get used to the new routine you will be very happy. I did try to warn you what would happen if you kept on eating Squeaks' special food and nuggets. I know it's not entirely your fault, what else is a sow to do but eat when she is on her own for over a year, but hopefully it won't be long before your svelte and youthful figure is back and treats are available again. I made a point of leaving the rest of the tub of pea flakes with your new slave, so there could be a bribe reward if you are super-nice to your new herd mates when you join them. Once you are living with the herd you will be far too busy and having too much fun to worry about the absence of treats. And then you will forget entirely about your former life and

Your Devoted Hooman &:Former Slave (now retired) Qualcast&Flymo xx 😪😪😘
 
Dear @Qualcast&Flymo
I will not forget you. I loved my time with you and Squeaks.
I am thinking the new hooman may not be so bad after all, as there was a small piece of carrot amoung my veggies this morning! So there is hope.......Although I did hear her say something about a 'big splodge' too. I don't think she fully understands the difference between heft and excess weight.
 
Dear Tigery,
You've been at your new home for over a week now, I hope you have settled in and are starting to feel more confident and to actually like it 😊 I also hope you enjoyed your nuggets on Saturday and that the dietary sacrifices you have been forced to make are showing results on the scales!

I'm glad you loved your time with Squeaks. He was certainly very sweet on you ❤️ and was much happier after you came to live with him. I trust you will like your new husboar too when you get to meet him.

Lots of love,
Qualcast&Flymo
 
Dear Tigery,
We also have our weigh-in on a Sunday. We don't like it much but we each have our own snuggle sack to sit in so we allow it. But if we heard talk like this we'd be out of those snuggle sacks like greased lightning, and zooming round the kitchen in disgust! Haha! She'd definitely lose some weight if she had to chase us about for half an hour.
We know nipping isn't really on, but what else is a starving piggy supposed to do? Eat their own toenails?
Love from
Fifi Fluffybottom, Pippa Shortstocking and Lady Penelope
 
Hellooo everyone!
Its been just over 2 weeks since moving to my new home so I thought an update was due. A lot has happened.

Firstly, with regards to my hefty heftness my weight has gone down a little. The weekend I arrived I weighed 1214kg The following Sunday having been denied treats, carrots AND nuggets it had dropped to 1195kg, although I think some of this loss was due to the stress of moving house. Either way the hooman seemed impressed. Me? Not so much. So last week I tried stuffing my face with as much hay as possible to gain some of it back. The result? At yesterday's weigh in I appeared to have lost a further 7g BUT I may have had a sneaky wee before getting on the scales, so believe I have in reality put a little back on!

The next thing that has happened is that yesterday after weighing in I was introduced to my new "friends", I use the word lightly. I was introduced at the same time as breakfast was served, which due to its lateness should really be called lunch. This unexpected turn of events left me with a dilemma. Should I
a - hide
b - tuck into the vegetables
c - introduce myself
After sitting under a log bridge for 30 seconds I went for option b, nom nom nom. Everyone else was tucking in too and took no notice of me. After a while I started to wonder about to get the lay of the land and size up the other pigs, stopping every so often for a snack.
A couple of times someone wee'd in my face, clearly not realising who I was. A very large pig called Violeta ran away when I looked at her, an other pig called Nutkin followed me around for a while with her face stuck up my bottom then tried to mount me, I took no notice. A neutered boar by the name of Little Bear, also followed me around trying to mount me but then he got distracted by a piece of carrot.
So after an hour of these mild interactions you might think everything was going to be fine. You would be WRONG. I had merely been sizing things up and it was time to make my move. So I started "moving pigs along" if they didn't move themselves, aka, whacking them on the butt. Mostly they ran away when I did this, others, seeing this happen yelled at me not to do it to them, a couple turned around for a chin-off and then ran away. The pig called Nutkin stuck her face up my bottom again before I had had a chance to try moving her along and when I spun around she just stood there and was like "Really? You want to challenge me to chin-off? Bring it on" So I walked away. Walked, mind, not ran. I don't think she is someone to mess with ...yet. And then Little Bear had to get involved and started acting all manly and wanting to mount me. Well I wasn't going to put up with his nonsense so spun around with my fur all spiked up and we had a bit of a tiff and he ran away chattering his teeth. I went back to minding my own business but he had to wonder over again and wave his butt at me, so I quickly jumped on him and we had an even bigger tiff. No-one was hurt but everyone started to panic and rush around, if they bumped into me I gave them a whack, which made them rush around even more, sometimes then bumping into Little Bear, who gave them an other whack. At this point the hooman stepped in with a broom and ushered me into a carrier and returned me to my private accommodation. She says I just became a bit overwhelmed and has seen worse introductions that have gone well on a second reintroduction and that we all need just a little time to calm down and absorb what we have leant. We will have to wait a few days tho before round two as the weather has turned hot.

The other thing that has happened is that the hooman has randomly decided to change my name to Lola! I think she may have been a little afraid of how well I lived up to my tigery name. But how do you live up to a name like Lola?

So can anyone advise me on how to make friends and keep them while also bossing them about? And please remember I am not a shrinking violet. That would be the big pig Violeta, who apparently cowered and shrieked at everyone when she joined the herd last year.

Thank you
The guinea pig formally known as Tigery
 
You sound as if you have had quite an adventure Lola, formerly known as Tigery.
You have a very lovely new home and we are sure that when you get to know the other piggies better you will be very happy together.
Love from Ruth and Micah
 
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