Complaints for the GPU! Why are there cold things in our beds?

PigglePuggle

PigglePuggle

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There are a lot of complaints for the GPU this morning!
Hatty and Ollie want to know why the curtains are still closed and why SCARY COLDNESS SOCKS have appeared in their cages. They were all set for a morning gazing lovingly at each other and now it's dark and there are scary cold sock monsters in the way! Hatty did some ferocious teeth chattering and chirped at the coldness sock but it didnt run away.

Blodwen would also like to conplain: after running away from the 6ft damp sheet sun shade into the hot castle house in the sunshine, the evil hooman had cruelly hidden a BIG COLDNESS under the fleece, then the hooman JOKED and said I was going to cook dinner with my bottom- there was a LENTIL CURRY under my bed because the hooman had run out of terrifying cold sock monster bottles!

Why are there all these evil cold things and damp sheets and darkness and whirry blow machines today? How should we punish the hooman, except by pooping on her lentil curry box which we did already?

We hope Thea has some good advice!

Love from.some very cross PigglePuggle piggies with cold bottoms x
 
Dear PigglePuggle piggies

Coldness Sock Monsters?!? :yikes: They sound very frightening! Luckily I've never had to experience those. Hatty was very brave trying to scare it off. It really shouldn't come between the budding romance of her and Ollie Pigwig. Nobody likes living in the "Twilight Zone" either so your Slave really should have opened up those curtains. What is she thinking? Cold Sock Monsters, scary whirry blow machines, damp sheets and evil Lentil Curries and now the "Twilight Zone"? Dear me things are going from bad to worse at your place!

I know times are hard in the Hooman world atm and that prices keep going up, but surely that's no excuse to harness the warmth of the piggy bottom to cook dinner!

I think that your Evil Hooman Slave thinks you may overheat in the hotness days that we've had recently. Hoomans are very stupid and don't realise that we know when we feel hot and we just laze around and don't do much (not a lot different to normal) but we just do it in a more lazy lay aroundy way.

I would stay as far away from the Evil Coldness Sock Monsters as possible and wake up Blod and let her know that sleeping on the lentil curry is encouraging your Slave to add more Evil Coldness Sock Monsters cos she'll think that Blod and therefore all of you must be a tad on the warm side.

Every time your Slave comes near turn around and show her your bottoms (you will need to have a secret signal for this so that every pig does it in unison). This will ensure that she realises that you are very unhappy about the way you have been treated. The PigglePuggle herd will have to have a secret meeting to decide which of the following sanctions to put into place.

1. Ignore veg time for a few minutes (difficult I know but needs must).
2. Join in/refuse to join in when Piggy Daddy sings songs to you (you know Piggy Daddy best so you know what will annoy him most)
3. Wheak all the time at the top of your lungs to show your displeasure.
4. Take up bar biting for the duration the Scary Sock Monsters are keeping you company in your cage.

Yours hoping never to meet a Scary Sock Monster

The One and Only Thea
Shop Steward
 
All the cold sock monsters have gone back to the freezer now, the curtains are open, and Hatty decided to actively participate in my online annual appraisal meeting with my line manager just to let him know how I have performed as a piggy housemaid!
That lentil curry has defrosted a treat though with all the fat furry bum heat :)
 
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