Did i do the right thing? Bereavement companion questions

Emx93

Emx93

Adult Guinea Pig
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*trigger warning, graphic explanation of piggy passing and companion reactions*
As most of you know little flower passed away a just after 4am Monday morning. I have a few questions about whether I handled this correctly with the companions so I can hopefully learn for if we are in this situation again.
Flowers companions had been supportive and fussy through her battle with whatever unknown respitory ailment finally got the best of her, right up until she stopped swallowing food. I tried to put her back with her companions after a syringe feed was unsuccessful (when the one just an hour before I'd got in 10ml plus 2ml of water) as she was no longer chewing or swallowing even slightly and all 4 of them completely freaked out, they were nipping, headbutting and been outright mean to her, completely distressing her, so I ended up picking her back up and us humans stayed with her through the process, my oldest daughter wanted to hold her through it (she refused to go back to bed after I woke her for a goodbye cuddle when I realised flower couldn't be saved and one thing I have learnt after 5 pet losses is she copes much better if she is there for it) and I sat with them stroking flower and talking calmly to her and calmly talking my daughter through it until she passed. (it was a very physical process unfortunately with 'running to rainbow bridge' and finally attempting to cough something up while fitting but none of the real nasty things mentioned in when to see a vet for emergency pts thankfully!) seconds after she passed I explained we needed to pop her back in with her friends for them to take leave. All 4 of them immediately went over to do what piggies do except 5 minutes later she was missing toes (and bleeding slightly). Not wanting her to be completely mauled (even though I know they meant no harm and she couldn't feel it) I removed her body at this point. Her companions seem fine today, there's even been popcorning but I have left the blanket she died on in with them to have her smell! But i keep wondering if I did the right thing by removing her to pass with us humans (I did try bringing individual friends out to sit with us but they were rather freaked and not at all interested in being anywhere near her? I did not expect this reaction since they'd been so supportive through the illness) and removing her body so soon, should I have allowed them to continue? I cant go back and change this but I can hopefully learn for the future. :)
 
I am so sorry for your loss.
And you did everything exactly right.
Guinea pigs can often detect when one of their friends is going to pass, and at that point they say their goodbyes and accept the inevitable.
The emotional process is necessary but definetly not the same as in humans.

So taking Flower out when it was clear her cage mates were not happy with her being around was fine.
I am glad your daughter got to be part of the process and hopefully this will help her grieve and understand the process.
You are an amazing parent for allowing this.

The good bye part after she passed also sounds fairly normal.
I have had some piggies who take a long time to say goodbye and some who do this almost instantly.
Nibbling of toes, and licking eyes and ears is a normal part of this.

I always take my cues from the animals - if they need longer with a deceased companion it is usually clear, but in this case it sounds like they said their goodbyes.
 
:agr:

This is one of those really difficult situations and I genuinely don’t think there’s a right or wrong response. You ensured that Flower was able to pass surrounded by love, and your daughter was part of that process. That’s very precious. You offered her cage mates the chance to say goodbye and they did. They may have been trying to rouse her - but either way, they understood that her soul had left the physical body as she had passed. Some piggies take longer to say goodbye than others but you took your cue from them and that is just perfect.

It’s always really difficult gauging yourself whether you’ve done the right thing. But you have shown compassion and love to your daughter, Flower and Flower’s companions, and that can never be wrong.
 
I am so sorry to hear you lost your precious girl.
I think you did it exactly the right way in what is allways a very difficult and stressful situation. You read the signs and followed your instinct perfectly, that is all anyone can do at these times.
Sending big hugs to you and your lovely family.
 
HUGS

You have done the best you could in the stressful circumstances you have found yourself in; that is all that is required. If you follow your gut instinct, you are usually not going wrong. ;)

There is no right or wrong in those situations as long as you put your piggies' interests before your own feelings - these you can always work through afterwards when you have the time and space, as you are now doing. Self-examination, feelings of failure or guilt are very normal for the onset of the grieving process. What you get hooked up on depends on the particular circumstances of the loss. You wouldn't experience this if you weren't a loving owner.
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Coping and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

Your piggies are lucky to have found such a caring home!
 
I’m so sorry you lost her, sending hugs, you followed your instructs and put her first. She will have known just how much you cared x
Sleep tight little Flower 🌈
 
I’m so sorry for your loss :( I think you did exactly the right thing and I am glad your daughter was able to be present.

I have only witnessed two deaths that wasn’t a pts. Connie died over night and I found her cage mate cuddled up to her. When Eliza died, she was clearly in discomfort and kept laying down. He cage mates at the time kept trying to walk all over her before trying to get away from her so we removed her from the cage. She did the whole running to the bridge thing on my husbands lap. I did and still do feel awful as I couldn’t bring myself to hold her but her cage mates where much happier without her being in the cage.

Take heart that you were with Flower until the end and that she would have got comfort from you x
 
Thankyou so much for the reassurance everyone 💖 I had hoped to get her through to go back to the vets but by this point had realised it would probably just be for a pts! Had oh not been at work with the car I would have likely called emergency vets for pts when she stopped swallowing 😪 I had planned to let each of the children have a quick goodbye cuddle then pop her back with her friends and sit by the cage with her until the inevitable, however as her companions had reacted the way they did it felt right for us humans to take over from there. I wasn't at all sure when my 8yo wanted to be the one holding her but I know the two losses that affected her most were the two she wasn't there for! Knowing how much she needed it I got flower comfy in a blanket on her which we loosened when she started to fit. I explained to lexie that the reason her legs were running were she was running off to rainbow bridge and lexie was so sweet telling her to go find fluffy now 💔 we spoke to flower and told her how much we loved her and I apologised to her for not realising how bad she was that morning or I would've taken her to the emergency vets 😣 I'm proud that I remained calm throughout the process (probably because with children and flower to think about I didn't have the opportunity to panic, it is amazing how quickly anxiety can vanish when there's no other option isn't it!) when fluffy died in a similar but more unexpected way in February I never got over it, to the point that last Saturday I had a rather embarrassing sit down talk with my vet to go over fluffys notes from the day she died to try and understand what on earth happened, I told her I had no desire to ever watch that again! Then 8 days later it was like being in a time machine, at least this time I wasn't trying helplessly once it was clear she'd stopped chewing and swallowing like I did with fluffy 😪 as owners we live and we learn and while flowers death was equally heartbreaking and unpleasant to witness it was also calm and filled with love 💖 none of this will bring her back of course or erase the tragic circumstances that she was only one, that part I am still trying to understand but at least I can say her death was as calm as it could be. I gave the children the day off school Monday (I am probably down as bad parent of the century for that but I could not bring myself to force them off to school when they'd been up most of the night and were so upset!). I will post flowers rainbow bridge tribute at some point 💖 thankyou again for the reassurances 💖
 
I think you have handled all of this brilliantly with the children as well as the furries. And school should understand that a disturbed night losing a loved family member are certainly legitimate reasons for a day at home. Hugs x
 
VickiA said:
I think you have handled all of this brilliantly with the children as well as the furries. And school should understand that a disturbed night losing a loved family member are certainly legitimate reasons for a day at home. Hugs x
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Thankyou so much 💖 it honestly means so much to hear 💖 school haven't said anything bad thankfully and the children certainly needed a pj day- we made clay piggies and drew pictures of flower at rainbow bridge! As much as itve been easier to send them to school so I could sleep after the all nighter I think we all needed each other that day! I am unbelievably behind on housework after a stressful few weeks, children not sleeping etc but I am sure that is something I will catch up on! I don't feel like I ever get much chance to properly grieve with everything else going off but tomorrow providing no illness overnight all 3 should be at either school or childcare and I should have a day to rest, catch up and most importantly try and process everything myself! Xx
 
So sorry for your loss.
I echo what others have said - you dealt with this in the best possible way.
Be gentle with yourselves as you grieve
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. Most of ours have passed with us as well... I'm sure it was comforting for her and you didn't do any harm to hold her rather than leaving her with the other pigs. Sometimes herd animals will reject or try to drive off an animal that is injured or ill... in the wild having a 'weak' animal in their midst draws predators, so it's an instinct for them. She was probably most comfortable with you and your daughter as she passed, and you gave her companions time to say goodbye as well. Unfortunately sometimes pigs mourning a deceased companion can be rough, nipping or chewing, as you saw. No harm is meant by it, they are likely trying to get a reaction from their friend a little too vigorously.

So far all of the pigs I've lost have passed at home... one in the cage with her cagemate, the other four with us for the duration. What you've describes sounds very normal. ((HUGS)) to you, I know it's hard to go though.
 
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