Evie

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SaraB

SaraB

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I had to say goodbye to my gorgeous piggy Evie yesterday. I just feel so awful and I can't stop crying. She was such a dear little piggy and I don't know if I could have done something more to help her.

She had a history of dental issues and I had been hand feeding her since April. She was 5 years old and had had 3 or 4 dental treatments since 2013. The first time she had them done she was like a different pig - like she had had a new lease of life. Each subsequent dental enabled her to eat properly again, but the last time earlier this year she just didn't respond so well and only ate properly for a few weeks before losing weight again. She got so thin and lethargic that I took her to an emergency vet who kept her in over night. I spoke to two vets the next day and when I went to collect her I fully expected to have to put her to sleep - but she started nibbling on the grated carrot and broccoli and seemed really perky. The vet said all the time she was like that I should concentrate on getting her weight up and possibly look at doing another dental when she was a bit stronger.

To cut a long story short, on Friday I drove 2 1/2 hours to take her to see Simon in Northampton. Kim saw her first and tried to do some work with her conscious but her teeth were so bad, with her tongue trapped, that the only option was to put her under general anaesthetic. I just didn't know what to do. In the end I agreed to have the work done, and although she made it through the anaesthetic she was so poorly and sad when she came home. I tried to hand feed her on Friday night, but she was so weak. In the morning, she was no better - worse even. It was if the fight had gone out of her and by lunchtime I had taken her to my local vet.

I feel so distressed. I feel as if I should have found Simon sooner and given her a fighting chance. Perhaps I should have tried to get her in to the Sanctuary instead of bringing her back home to Kent. Perhaps I should have given her longer to recover. All I know is that she looked so sad and tired and I just wanted to do the best thing.

I feel guilty that I didn't try to get more food into her on Friday night, and that I didn't sit with her all night. I had hoped that Simon's work would be a miracle cure. Perhaps it was cruel to put her through the treatment, but I couldn't bear to put her to sleep when she was still alert and perky.

I'm sorry to ramble on. I just feel so awful this morning and I feel like I just need to talk to someone. My husband is lovely, but to him it was obviously the right thing to do, and if I'm honest, I think it was too, but I just feel so very dreadful.
 
Big hugs to you :hug:it's obvious from your post that you loved evie very much and also she has been the main focus of your thoughts and time over the past few weeks.

So you're now left with that gut wrenching empty feeling that we've all experienced. And all the emotions that go with it. Total turmoil. I know it well.
i can't say anything to make that feeling go away right now other than to confirm what your head already knows: evie was an older lady and you did everything you possibly could. The what ifs is all part of your grieving process.

The main comfort is to know now that evie is at peace. You are the one suffering now but this feeling will ease over the next few days. You just have to sit tight and ride it out.

In the meantime, it can help to go for a walk. Maybe pick some flowers to press and write a few words about evie.

Take care. Keep talking. It will get easier x
 
Thank you so much for your kind words. I know it will pass as I've been here before with other pets, but it doesn't make it easier and there will be a big hole because for so long I was getting up early to feed her before work, and then when I got home and before bed. She was such a sweetie and I miss hearing her snuffling about in her cage which is (still) just outside the room I am sitting in. Evie is buried next to her sister Jasmine. When we lost Jasmine (just suddenly without warning - which I think was so much easier - not least because we still had Evie) we planted a Jasmine by her grave. I can't find anything called Evie, but I'm going to get a rambling rose that is white with a touch of peach - as Evie was white with tiny bits of ginger - that will flower in June each year. I hope she knows how much I loved her.
 
That's a lovely idea, a rambling rose. Yes, I'm sure she knew she was loved. Animals are very tuned into human feelings.
They do leave big holes. I lost my stan at the end of may. I know exactly the feeling you're describing. I had been syringe feeding him on his last day. He died in my arms at the vet.

I came back home and the critical care, used syringe, an apron covered in critical care were on the kitchen side. I was the only one in the house and that hollow empty feeling is really hard to bear.

it was a hot sunny day. a month later i am feeling much better but can clearly recall exactly how wretched i felt in that moment.

my situation was different in that we were left with one un neutered boar to find a pal for. We got mike 2 days after stan passed. It was a distraction from the loss of stan but mike is not a patch on stan. I'm still missing stan if truth be told.

Like you i was left with if only this, if only that. But it doesn't help!

I take comfort in the fact i know stan had a very happy life and i really spent a lot of time with him in his final days. I hope you can take comfort in having done the same for evie xx
 
I'm so very sorry for your loss. You clearly tried your best for her. Huge hugs. Popcorn free Evie xx
 
I'm really sorry for your loss. And don't blame yourself, you did your best, and sometimes even with full knowledge of what to do you can't save them...
Sneding you big hugs lovely.

Popcorn free Evie x
 
Thank you. Your comments are very comforting. I really appreciate you taking the time to write. The apron covered in critical care made me smile - that's very familiar! My sister rescued me today and we went to the garden centre. I've bought a rambling rose that is cream and peach and the flowers are a bit scruffy - a bit like my lovely piggle. I know in time I will come to realise that it was the kindest thing to do, but at the moment it's very raw and I miss her.
 
I am really sorry for your loss. You tried all you could and got them to Northampton, you really couldn't have done anymore, please don't beat yourself up. You loved you little one so much and they would have known this. Massive hugs to you x

Sleep well little girl

RIP Evie
x x
 
Rambling Rose is such a great way to remember Evie, we were given a f"or get me not seeds "to sow, which i think is a great way to remember our little fury friends, it sounds like you did everything you could for Evie! xx
 
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