Feel So Guilty, Wish I Could Turn Back Time

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aimzer

aimzer

Adult Guinea Pig
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On 19th August I had my first ever experience of losing a piggy and I can't stop thinking about the run up to her death.
I was on holiday from the 5th August to the 17th August and my mum was looking after my 2 girls. I got home on the Sunday and mum told me that morning Honey hadn't eaten any veg and was just sitting in her bed. My heart jumped out my mouth and immediately I started panicking. She was just sitting there so uninterested. I booked an emergency appt at the vet in the next town as the vet in my town is useless.
We got to the vet and she sounded her chest etc and checked Honeys temp by putting a thermometer up her bum which she squealed at. I felt so bad. The vet gave her baytril, metachlopramide and fluids and gave me some critical care to take home. She said if she didn't improve then they would keep her in and do bloods etc.
I tried and tried with the critical care but it was just dribbling from her mouth. I bought some baby food and she wouldn't take that either.
The next day we went back to the vet and it was a different vet and she was adamant Honey had ovarian cysts so she did a scan and said there was fluid. so I agreed (stupidly) to let her have a hormone injection. Looking back I am 90% sure it wasn't cysts as she was showing no signs of aggression etc but I guess I was clutching at straws and just went with what the vet said. Took her home again, tried with critical care to no avail. I knew it was important to keep the guts going so I phoned the vet ands said in was struggling with the feeds and her reply 'well she isn't dehydrated so it's ok' again I felt so helpless in just believed her. That night she got worse. I attempted syringe feeding through the night but in the morning she was lying there and i could here her breathing and making little squeek type noises. I felt that my only option was to put her out her misery and I cried the whole way to the vet.
But now I just feel that I could have done so much more. I should have questioned the vet and took her to a different vet! I should have said to the 2nd vet that the plan was to keep her in and do bloods but I just felt so helpless and went along with what she thought as I had never dealt with it before. I feel like I put her through all that pain at the vets for nothing. I think about it almost every night about how stupid I was and if I did things differently maybe I would still have Honey.

I am so sorry for blubbering. It has been on my mind a lot and I needed to get it out and can't think of better people to share it with x
 
I am so sorry you are tormenting yourself with these thoughts. I really do understand your feelings of guilt but you are being so harsh on yourself. You reacted to Honey being poorly straight away and took expert advice. Even if she did not have ovarian cysts, the injection would not have harmed her so please do not let that upset you. It is likely little Honey was just too unwell to pull through. I know that does not make things any easier for you. You need a big hug. You were a wonderful mum to Honey and gave her the best love and care. Honey had a great life with you. That is what is important.
 
Please don't punish yourself about this. You did everything you could for her.
 
I lost a pig in similar circumstances once and beat myself up about it too. It's quite normal to go over and over it, it just means that you are a caring pet owner, which is how it should be.
Sometimes pigs just get ill, and no matter what you do, they will die. You tried everything and did what you could, but maybe it was just meant to be that way.
 
It is not your fault and was beyond your control. You went to the vet straight away and tried what was offered to help. Please don't beat yourself up x
 
I'm really sorry for your distress and grief. I do understand how you feel. However, you did your duty by taking her to the vet, and as you are not a vet, you had to go with what they suggested. I am currently very anxious about an ill piggy of mine, so I know about the doubt and questioning that goes through your mind. Please try to put these guilty feelings out of your head. If you had not taken her to the vet and had just left her to suffer, then you would have had cause to feel guilty!
 
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I just felt I had to get it all out! And I know people on here understand and can relate so thanks x
 
Oh bless you. Please don't beat yourself up. You showed care and kindness for Honey by taking her to the vet, just as you would take a child to the doctor. We have to accept the advice and treatment recommendations of the people who are qualified vets just like we trust doctors. It's natural in your grief to question it all, and to try to make sense of it. You are clearly very caring and miss your girl. Big hugs.
 
Please don't blame yourself. I cried myself to sleep last night doing the same thing. Its funny how you can read all the threads on here, with slaves blaming themselves, and know it is not their fault, and that they did whatever they could, and when it gets to ourselves we do nothing but beat ourselves up over it.:(

You are a good loving mummy, you would not be on here otherwise. Big hugs:hug:
 
These guilty feelings and what if's are natural and are a unfortunate part of the grief process. Please don't torture yourself replaying events, you took Honey to 2 vets and tried what they suggested. The hormone injection would in no way have harmed her. Unfortunately it sounds like little Honey was just too unwell and it was her time. Sometime wit hall the love and will in the world we can't save them.
You ARE a wonderful caring piggy slave and a great mummy to Honey she had a wonderful life with you remember that.
 
You have not failed Honey; the injection didn't harm her and plays no role in her death. We can only do our best and seek vet care promptly. That is what you have done. You have looked after her at home. There is nothing whatsoever you can blame yourself for.

The rest is out of your (and all our) control. Sometimes we are lucky and a piggy recovers, sometimes we are not - all the skill and knowledge in the world cannot save a piggy whose time is up. At the worst, it can only serve to prolong its suffering. :(

Thoughts like that are sadly part and parcel of the grieving process. We all go through the whats and ifs before we can start to let go, come to terms with the hole in our lives and very eventually appreciate the good times and special moments that we have shared. It is a long journey and you are just at the beginning of it. Grieving is the other side of love. You are grieving badly because you love Honey so deeply.

HUGS
 
You loved her and did everything possible for her, could it of maybe turned out differently..... Yea okey sure maybe but you also might have put your little girl through more pain, you did what you could for her and I'm sure she loved you for it.
It's hard right now but in time it will get better and you will only remember the good times you guys had together.
 
It wasn't your fault, don't beat yourself up about it. You did the best you could, no owner could have done more. :bye:
I'm so sorry she had to go like that, but just think of her now, popcorning up in the Rainbow Bridge with all of the other lost guinea pigs. Maybe she's up there sharing veggies with my other past piggy, Hercules. :bye::nod:
I send my hugs with you.
 
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