Feeling Devastated 💔 😢 inconsolable

C

Cinderella

New Born Pup
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I've just lost one of my female piggies and am feeling absolutely devastated 💔. I feel so guilty as wish I had taken her to the vets sooner and it's making me ill with guilt analysing it over and over thinking she might have been saved if I had acted sooner. Angel was a pair with Tiny and was always the more confident chunkier one. I noticed she had been losing weight but didn't think it was anything serious. Last couple of weeks she was lifting her bottom and making a squeaking noise but as she was still eating and seemed her usual self I didn't think it was anything serious. Plus I've had a lot of personal stuff going on and just been made redundant so I'm feeling incredibly guilty and that I've neglected her. I finally took her to the vets on Friday. The vet thought it might have been a uti there was a little blood coming out of her. He said he could also feel a large lump underneath her which was unsure what it could be ? Kidney stones was mentioned. He gave her some antibiotics and another medicine to take twice daily by syringe. Her little bottom was a mess and looked infected. I bathed her and spent 2 nights snuggling her. On Sunday I put her outside with her friend Tiny as the weather was nice and warm. She laid there on the grass looking lethargic but happy. I popped to the shops and my partner rang me to say she was going. I left the shops in tears 😢 to get back to her and held her virtually lifeless little body in tears 😢 it's the worst 💔 pain I've ever experienced 💔 I feel absolutely devastated almost suicidal as I feel so incredibly guilty and neglectful as I wish I'd taken her to the vets sooner as the outcome mat have been different. I can't focus on anything else and it's making me very ill as I feel.so bad. My partner thinks she may have had a tumour/cancer and that she was dying anyway but I think he's just saying that to try and make me feel better. She was 5. I'm now worried about Tiny she was with her when she passed as I held them both together ❤️. Tiny is sat with me on my lap az I don't want her to feel lonely and isolated. I'm unsure whether to get her a little friend as not sure if I could go through the devastation again. I guess I just want someone to try and make me feel better 😕 as at this moment of time I don't know how i can carry on 😢 😭 ny heart is broken 💔
 
This is such a difficult time for you. It doesn't sound like the illness was contagious, so Tiny should be safe. Sending you support 🙏
 
Truffolo said:
This is such a difficult time for you. It doesn't sound like the illness was contagious, so Tiny should be safe. Sending you support 🙏
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Thanks for your reply it's still very raw and I'm devastated 💔 beyond words 😢 💔
Just worried about Tiny being on her own now bless her 🙏 I've put her outside in the run but she's just sat hidden huddled in her hideaway so sad 😞
 
They are both beautiful, I'm so sorry you lost Angel. Yes, Tiny will need a new friend soon. It's very difficult 💔 and sad 🪽
 
I am so sorry for your loss it does break your heart especially when we feel we should have done things differently but you love her and that is clear and you would never have purposely neglected her or put her in danger. I will try to add some links as there are bereavement links that may help you with your feelings but please reach out if you continue to feel this way. Tiny needs you to be there for her too 💕
 
I’m so sorry Angel has had the call to the rainbow bridge. Guinea pigs hide their illnesses so well that by the time we have noticed something is wrong it’s sometimes too late. Other times you can take them as soon as symptoms show and they may still not be able to be saved. They are fragile little creatures. Please don’t blame yourself. I know you loved her and you gave her an amazing life. She will be with you in your heart and memories forever.

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children
 
So sorry for your loss.
It is devastating to lose a much loved piggy.

The link that @weepweeps has given you has some very helpful guidance.
Holding you in my heart ❤️

Be gentle with yourself as you grieve
 
Cinderella said:
I've just lost one of my female piggies and am feeling absolutely devastated 💔. I feel so guilty as wish I had taken her to the vets sooner and it's making me ill with guilt analysing it over and over thinking she might have been saved if I had acted sooner. Angel was a pair with Tiny and was always the more confident chunkier one. I noticed she had been losing weight but didn't think it was anything serious. Last couple of weeks she was lifting her bottom and making a squeaking noise but as she was still eating and seemed her usual self I didn't think it was anything serious. Plus I've had a lot of personal stuff going on and just been made redundant so I'm feeling incredibly guilty and that I've neglected her. I finally took her to the vets on Friday. The vet thought it might have been a uti there was a little blood coming out of her. He said he could also feel a large lump underneath her which was unsure what it could be ? Kidney stones was mentioned. He gave her some antibiotics and another medicine to take twice daily by syringe. Her little bottom was a mess and looked infected. I bathed her and spent 2 nights snuggling her. On Sunday I put her outside with her friend Tiny as the weather was nice and warm. She laid there on the grass looking lethargic but happy. I popped to the shops and my partner rang me to say she was going. I left the shops in tears 😢 to get back to her and held her virtually lifeless little body in tears 😢 it's the worst 💔 pain I've ever experienced 💔 I feel absolutely devastated almost suicidal as I feel so incredibly guilty and neglectful as I wish I'd taken her to the vets sooner as the outcome mat have been different. I can't focus on anything else and it's making me very ill as I feel.so bad. My partner thinks she may have had a tumour/cancer and that she was dying anyway but I think he's just saying that to try and make me feel better. She was 5. I'm now worried about Tiny she was with her when she passed as I held them both together ❤️. Tiny is sat with me on my lap az I don't want her to feel lonely and isolated. I'm unsure whether to get her a little friend as not sure if I could go through the devastation again. I guess I just want someone to try and make me feel better 😕 as at this moment of time I don't know how i can carry on 😢 😭 ny heart is broken 💔
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Hi and welcome

BIG HUGS

I am very sorry for your loss at such a difficult time for you.

If it is any consolation to you, I agree with your partner. The large lump underneath should have gotten the vet's atten but I cannot comment on how the lump felt to them and whether/how it was impacting on the peeing/pooing - or whether it was more like a harmless fatty lump (lipoma), which can grow to quite a size quite quickly.

You have however done the right thing to have her seen by a vet despite your own stressful situation. As an owner, you haven't failed her.
However, the next question would have been how experienced with guinea pigs your vet is, what the lump actually was and whether it had already spread to other organs and then whether she would have survived an operation... It could have also been a burst ovarian cyst, which is often quickly fatal. Or it could have been something else altogether. :(

These are unfortunately all questions you will never be able to answer but that would have likely played a major role and not been necessarily under your control. Important is that you have had her seen. Guinea pigs are however prey animals and able to suppress symptoms of illness to an astonishing degree. By the time they lose their grip and show their illness, they are very often already very unwell. They also have a much faster metabolism, so when that turns against them, their body can close down without any warning very quickly at any age. :(
This guide here can help you answer questions about the actual dying process - but only if you feel the need to understand better what has happened:
A Practical and Sensitive Guide to Dying, Terminal Illness and Euthanasia in Guinea Pigs

Please try to take consolation in that you have very obviously given Angel a happy life and that she has lived a normal life span. Guinea pigs measure a good life in happy todays and by the love and good care they receive on a daily basis. You have obviously done that - and have not failed Angel in what counts for her.

Tiny will have known well before you that something is not right with Angel. Guinea pigs have a much finer sense of smell and they have also great empathy. Angel's death will not have come as a real surprise to her. She would have sensed that Angel's apathy was her going on her journey to the Rainbow Bridge.
Please try to take consolation in that the end did come quickly and gently for Angel - just what you'd wish for a natural death, and that she could make her journey in peace and in her own pace from one of her happiest places.

As long as Tiny is eating and drinking on her own, you will have time to do your grieving; she will hold ideally for 1-4 weeks but if needed, even a bit longer. This should give you time to get through the worst of your own grieving. But what she really needs is you hanging in there for the time being and a piggy mummy who is going to be around to sort out her future when she is ready for it. ;)
Please take the time to read this link here; it also has got a chapter that deals with the owner's own clashing grieving needs, which you may find very helpful: Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

Please be aware that as humans we are wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves, irrespective of whether this applies (or much more often not). Strong feelings of guilt, failure or intense soul-searching are not an expression of you having failed but in fact an expression of how deeply you love and care; they are the two sides of the same coin. You are clearly a person who loves and cares a lot.
Just because it all happens together at entirely the wrong time doesn't change who you are as a person and as a piggy mummy - how, when and under what circumstances our beloved ones die is something we cannot choose or all too often not control; none of us is God or superwoman, we can only ever muddle through without any peeks at future.
What is important is the normal daily care and the love we give our little ones during their lives.

Here is our grieving guide for owners. You and your partner may also find the anxiety guide very helpful, seeing your stressful situation. It contains a lot of very practical, down-to-earth and helpful tips and advice for both sufferers of mental health problems and their supporters.
- Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children
- Pet Owners Anxiety - Practical Tips For Sufferers and For Supporters

Please bookmark this your ongoing support thread, so you can pick it up easily whenever you need to. Since our forum is not part of social media, we can let our support threads on the same issue run for as long as needed but in order to keep track and avoid lengthy explanations, we prefer to keep each case to just one thread, so we can refresh our memories if needed after a longer break; especially as we are all doing this for free in our own free time and none of us can be around all the time.

Try to take a deep breath, watch the little Rainbow Bridge video song (it has its own soothing magic for any age) and look after yourself. Let your partner look after Tiny until you are calmer again. Try to be kind with yourself and give yourself time to grieve.
If you continue with being trapped in a pernicious guilt mind loop for days, struggle to sleep and to function, please contact the free Blue Cross (UK animal charity) pet bereavement services. Any forum members who have come back to us with their feedback have reported a positive experience.
- Rainbow bridge video I made, I hope it can bring some comfort to others
- Pet Loss Support

I sincerely hope that this lengthy post will help you and your partner, who may also want to read it so they can repeat aspects at you whenever you need to hear them again and hopefully profit from the practical support advice we offer in our anxiety and grieving guides.

My thoughts are with you and Angel, who is now a little furry guardian angel trying to look after her best friend Tiny and you as best as she can while coming to grips with her new wings. She will live on in your heart, your memories and what she has taught you about piggies throughout her life.
;)
 
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