Feeling disheartened. . .

[Cosmic_Shadow]

Wasn't really sure where to post this, tbh, it's something I probably shouldn't my feelings are probably much unreasonable but I did feel as though I would possibly find people here who could understand.
I've been looking to adopt some piggies for about a year now, three months ago one popped up that I fell in love with on the website, she went on pregnancy watch, so I waited till the watch period was over counting the days, the day came. She gave birth and a new date appeared naturally. I had been chatting to the rescue and so on during this time, (My housing was approved to adopt, but obvs not the piggie in question since inquiries were not yet valid.) I counted down the days till she would become available for inquiries. Suddenly, before the inquiries opened she was on reserve.

I asked, wondering if my hunch had been correct and she was going to a staff member or something. She's going to a member of staff. While I'm happy for her, since she is the important piece of the story, her happiness and well-being is paramount.

I am also disappointed. I had prepared some part of myself too for that possibility but still it hurts. I felt a connection to this piggie without even meeting her. It felt exactly like when I saw my last adopted piggie online on the website, you just know. And I haven't felt it since all of this happening. Like I look, see they are cute/beautiful and I hope the best, but I feel nothing. And I've even gone through the whole process of giving up entirely.

Upon this I have tried to also become a piggie foster parent but got rejected too. Since I don't drive. I think the rejection is just getting to me, but it's really knocked me about. I broke my toe a week ago and I think it's giving me much too much time to stew. I needed somewhere to vent, since I have nobody to talk to.

 

[JimmythePig]

I truly believe piggies have a way of finding their owners, the owners that best suits their particular personalities and needs. This one was not for you, but two are eagerly waiting for you to find them.

 

[Wiebke]

Wasn't really sure where to post this, tbh, it's something I probably shouldn't my feelings are probably much unreasonable but I did feel as though I would possibly find people here who could understand.
I've been looking to adopt some piggies for about a year now, three months ago one popped up that I fell in love with on the website, she went on pregnancy watch, so I waited till the watch period was over counting the days, the day came. She gave birth and a new date appeared naturally. I had been chatting to the rescue and so on during this time, (My housing was approved to adopt, but obvs not the piggie in question since inquiries were not yet valid.) I counted down the days till she would become available for inquiries. Suddenly, before the inquiries opened she was on reserve.

I asked, wondering if my hunch had been correct and she was going to a staff member or something. She's going to a member of staff. While I'm happy for her, since she is the important piece of the story, her happiness and well-being is paramount.

I am also disappointed. I had prepared some part of myself too for that possibility but still it hurts. I felt a connection to this piggie without even meeting her. It felt exactly like when I saw my last adopted piggie online on the website, you just know. And I haven't felt it since all of this happening. Like I look, see they are cute/beautiful and I hope the best, but I feel nothing. And I've even gone through the whole process of giving up entirely.

Upon this I have tried to also become a piggie foster parent but got rejected too. Since I don't drive. I think the rejection is just getting to me, but it's really knocked me about. I broke my toe a week ago and I think it's giving me much too much time to stew. I needed somewhere to vent, since I have nobody to talk to.

HUGS

It is always difficult when you set your heart on a specific piggy because there are often others who fall for that same piggy, too. Just hang in there; others turn will turn up. The piggies that have found and adopted me (several times sight unseen) have more often that not the happier bonds than the piggies I have adopted for their looks because they turn out different from my expectations. .

I call these adoptions on sight of a picture my long-shot adoptions because they don't often come off for various reasons. But I have learned to not set my heart on just that one and only piggy to the exclusion of every other.

In fact, the ones I have the closest bonds with have often been piggies that I have adopted on short notice, urgently needing a companion for a bereaved or fallen out piggy - and what little treasures they have turned out to be! Looks are not everything; in fact some of my 'special looks' adoptees have been also turned out to be my biggest problem piggies.
The huge one-off personalities or the best cuddlers are often not the most photogenic piggies and they sadly get overlooked more often than not by people that choose from pictures and not by personality. Whereas letting the rescue people choose for me has generally turned out to be very good decision because they know the personalities and they usually choose well.

PS: Rescues have learned to be careful about fosterers after unhappy experiences. They prefer experienced owners, ideally people that have previously adopted from them and that they can know they can trust. Fosterers also need to be able to see the rescue vet at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. Without a car this is often the biggest hurdle. Nothing personal. I have been refused in years past on those grounds.

It's just several things coming together for you that you find upsetting. Times will come when things run your way; these things even out over time. I am sure that there is the perfect pair of piggies out there for you, especially if you don't get stuck on needing an instant connection from a picture.

Keep in mind that as long as your heart is set on a specific object/being, you are generally not open for others.

 

[Eriathwen]

I'm so sorry, I know how devastated you must be. I recently took in 2 piggies who I had seen advertised back in March, someone beat me to them. Then a few weeks ago the person put them up for sale because their dog and cat had made them incredibly anxious and she realised they would be better elsewhere, by chance I happened upon them a second time and immediately text her to say I would give them a home. Some things are meant to be, and sadly some are not. Similarly, I applied to adopt my recent castrated boy, for some reason the rescues email went into my junk folder, I looked on their website to find he was reserved and I was crushed...it was only later in the day I realised what had happened and that he was reserved for me!

I used to have 6 snakes and I was not able to adopt rodents from rescues at all, they didn't know me from Adam and didn't know if my intentions were genuine, my ability to secure a predator adequate enough etc and was refused or ignored at every turn. So I know how upsetting it is to fall in love with a piggy you've seen, to be refused.

Your piggies are out there somewhere, you'll find them in time

 

[Cosmic_Shadow]

HUGS

It is always difficult when you set your heart on a specific piggy because there are often others who fall for that same piggy, too. Just hang in there; others turn will turn up. The piggies that have found and adopted me (several times sight unseen) have more often that not the happier bonds than the piggies I have adopted for their looks because they turn out different from my expectations. .

I call these adoptions on sight of a picture my long-shot adoptions because they don't often come off for various reasons. But I have learned to not set my heart on just that one and only piggy to the exclusion of every other.

In fact, the ones I have the closest bonds with have often been piggies that I have adopted on short notice, urgently needing a companion for a bereaved or fallen out piggy - and what little treasures they have turned out to be! Looks are not everything; in fact some of my 'special looks' adoptees have been also turned out to be my biggest problem piggies.
The huge one-off personalities or the best cuddlers are often not the most photogenic piggies and they sadly get overlooked more often than not by people that choose from pictures and not by personality. Whereas letting the rescue people choose for me has generally turned out to be very good decision because they know the personalities and they usually choose well.

PS: Rescues have learned to be careful about fosterers after unhappy experiences. They prefer experienced owners, ideally people that have previously adopted from them and that they can know they can trust. Fosterers also need to be able to see the rescue vet at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. Without a car this is often the biggest hurdle. Nothing personal. I have been refused in years past on those grounds.

It's just several things coming together for you that you find upsetting. Times will come when things run your way; these things even out over time. I am sure that there is the perfect pair of piggies out there for you, especially if you don't get stuck on needing an instant connection from a picture.

I personally don't choose for appearance either, I have a selected things of what I would be nice in my mind (a black or black and white piggie, if I could and perhaps with not so much hair). This piggie was not any of those things, in fact she was opposite, she had long hair, she was simply within the age range I wanted and I could have adopted her babies if they were the correct sexes an keep them together rather than splitting them up. It was a dumb dream basically.
When I adopted my other boy, I saw him, he was neutered and my female had lost her buddy, so he fit and once I held him at the rescue to view him. I knew immediately he was the one. He was incredible, stocked full of humor and personality, he was irreplaceable and I know grief is still there with him to the point I didn't for the longest time want another male again, but I think that is just emotions talking.

Yes, they really do have to be careful. So many people mess you around, waste your time or worse things have happened. I absolutely, know the reasons why they've refused It's why I wish I could have had ties to these people in the first place but cannot due to distance. I would consider myself experienced with piggies I've had them for 8 years continuous adopting all of them through various, either unwanted or rescues, but have not for the last five due to the last loss hitting me so hard. However I work at a sanctuary which works primarily with rabbits but has a herd of piggies. I've dealt with claw cuttings, impactions, administering meds, grooming of longer hair types, Just the driving got me eliminated unfortunately.

Additionally I know that the rescues have their designated vets for whatever treatment, but I have a vet very local to me too so even if I had to pay from my pocket. I would. But I know via legal things that is also not an option. In the scheme of things I wouldn't have them go without. It's just frustrating when you want to help.

I really appreciate you taking the time though to both read and share comfort with me. It's nice to be understood.

 

[Cosmic_Shadow]

I'm so sorry, I know how devastated you must be. I recently took in 2 piggies who I had seen advertised back in March, someone beat me to them. Then a few weeks ago the person put them up for sale because their dog and cat had made them incredibly anxious and she realised they would be better elsewhere, by chance I happened upon them a second time and immediately text her to say I would give them a home. Some things are meant to be, and sadly some are not. Similarly, I applied to adopt my recent castrated boy, for some reason the rescues email went into my junk folder, I looked on their website to find he was reserved and I was crushed...it was only later in the day I realised what had happened and that he was reserved for me!

I used to have 6 snakes and I was not able to adopt rodents from rescues at all, they didn't know me from Adam and didn't know if my intentions were genuine, my ability to secure a predator adequate enough etc and was refused or ignored at every turn. So I know how upsetting it is to fall in love with a piggy you've seen, to be refused.

Your piggies are out there somewhere, you'll find them in time

That's amazing that they found their way to you, I think that meant they were meant to be. I'm so sorry to hear about the fact you lost out on that boy though through fault of technology, that must have been devastating to know you were so close.

Yeah, it does hurt a lot when you are genuine, I've felt so much like I haven't been taken seriously along this journey so far or that I was being viewed as a time waster and it stung because as I stated all I want to do is help. And if I fostered and one of those became my one, I would apply to adopt them that way. Or help provide them with the environment of nurturing and socializing to help them find a home. Having the broken toe has upped my anxiety that now the cat rescue I am volunteering at will see me as such despite going regularly. It's just really knocked my confidence and created room for my anxiety to grow. And now I'm probably unloading too much because I have no one else to talk to. So I really apologise.
Thank you for your kind words and support.

 

[Wiebke]

I personally don't choose for appearance either, I have a selected things of what I would be nice in my mind (a black or black and white piggie, if I could and perhaps with not so much hair). This piggie was not any of those things, in fact she was opposite, she had long hair, she was simply within the age range I wanted and I could have adopted her babies if they were the correct sexes an keep them together rather than splitting them up. It was a dumb dream basically.
When I adopted my other boy, I saw him, he was neutered and my female had lost her buddy, so he fit and once I held him at the rescue to view him. I knew immediately he was the one. He was incredible, stocked full of humor and personality, he was irreplaceable and I know grief is still there with him to the point I didn't for the longest time want another male again, but I think that is just emotions talking.

Yes, they really do have to be careful. So many people mess you around, waste your time or worse things have happened. I absolutely, know the reasons why they've refused It's why I wish I could have had ties to these people in the first place but cannot due to distance. I would consider myself experienced with piggies I've had them for 8 years continuous adopting all of them through various, either unwanted or rescues, but have not for the last five due to the last loss hitting me so hard. However I work at a sanctuary which works primarily with rabbits but has a herd of piggies. I've dealt with claw cuttings, impactions, administering meds, grooming of longer hair types, Just the driving got me eliminated unfortunately.

Additionally I know that the rescues have their designated vets for whatever treatment, but I have a vet very local to me too so even if I had to pay from my pocket. I would. But I know via legal things that is also not an option. In the scheme of things I wouldn't have them go without. It's just frustrating when you want to help.

I really appreciate you taking the time though to both read and share comfort with me. It's nice to be understood.

I am sure that the right piggy will find you in due time; and it may be a very surprising one! Quite often it is the last one you would think you would go for... But it is hard when you finally start to re-open your heart, go for the very opposite of what you are still grieving for and miss out on.

Please try to not take it personally. You don't know what exactly has happened and why you have been passed over.

Have a read of our grieving guide; perhaps it may help you with grieving process that is obviously still ongoing to a degree. Getting over a special piggy is not at all easy, as I know from my own experience.
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Coping and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

 

[Eriathwen]

That's amazing that they found their way to you, I think that meant they were meant to be. I'm so sorry to hear about the fact you lost out on that boy though through fault of technology, that must have been devastating to know you were so close.

Yeah, it does hurt a lot when you are genuine, I've felt so much like I haven't been taken seriously along this journey so far or that I was being viewed as a time waster and it stung because as I stated all I want to do is help. And if I fostered and one of those became my one, I would apply to adopt them that way. Or help provide them with the environment of nurturing and socializing to help them find a home. Having the broken toe has upped my anxiety that now the cat rescue I am volunteering at will see me as such despite going regularly. It's just really knocked my confidence and created room for my anxiety to grow. And now I'm probably unloading too much because I have no one else to talk to. So I really apologise.
Thank you for your kind words and support.

Oh I got the little boy too, but those few hours I thought id missed out on him were awful, I had first asked about him way back in April when rescues had to close due to the pandemic, I was told to keep checking the website and their facebook page for when they reopened.. I checked obsessively from that day, every day pretty much, sometimes multiple times a day until he became available. I was lucky, he was very popular and other people were also interested in him. Luckily for me, they all wanted to keep him alone, whereas I had some girls for him to live with.

No need to apologise at all, I also have anxiety, I get it completely. It's hard not to take things personally and hyperfocus on everything that could go wrong. I'm sure you're an asset to the cat rescue you volunteer at, you sound like a very passionate person who cares a lot about the animals around you

 

[Cosmic_Shadow]

Oh I got the little boy too, but those few hours I thought id missed out on him were awful, I had first asked about him way back in April when rescues had to close due to the pandemic, I was told to keep checking the website and their facebook page for when they reopened.. I checked obsessively from that day, every day pretty much, sometimes multiple times a day until he became available. I was lucky, he was very popular and other people were also interested in him. Luckily for me, they all wanted to keep him alone, whereas I had some girls for him to live with.

No need to apologise at all, I also have anxiety, I get it completely. It's hard not to take things personally and hyperfocus on everything that could go wrong. I'm sure you're an asset to the cat rescue you volunteer at, you sound like a very passionate person who cares a lot about the animals around you

I'm glad he has a place that sounds perfect for him. He sounds like he landed in a pocket of heaven with you and his new ladies.
It's hard with the anxiety, you know that it's probably unreasonable the amount you repeat a behaviour and I feel myself in an outer experience getting frustrated at myself but then at the same time, can I help it? Nope. Hyperfocusing is such a huge draining part of it too. It can be so tiring. I'm sorry that you too have to battle through it as well.

 

[Cosmic_Shadow]

I am sure that the right piggy will find you in due time; and it may be a very surprising one! Quite often it is the last one you would think you would go for... But it is hard when you finally start to re-open your heart, go for the very opposite of what you are still grieving for and miss out on.

Please try to not take it personally. You don't know what exactly has happened and why you have been passed over.

Have a read of our grieving guide; perhaps it may help you with grieving process that is obviously still ongoing to a degree. Getting over a special piggy is not at all easy, as I know from my own experience.
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Coping and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

I hope so. Whoever they are, male/female and it will be opposite too. I can't stand to look at any of the beige/cream/blondie ones because of my last boy who was a long-hair mix too. I do believe it will be the opposite, if I can help it.

I think I will. Even though it's been some time. Although the 5th anniversary did pass last month it's so fresh. I know there is for sure some anxiety about bringing piggies back into my world again that are mine and not the ones at the sanctuary that I work with probably that goes along with the grief perhaps. Fears that I am 'replacing' him even though I would never. It is just the beginning of another adventure.

 

[Wiebke]

I hope so. Whoever they are, male/female and it will be opposite too. I can't stand to look at any of the beige/cream/blondie ones because of my last boy who was a long-hair mix too. I do believe it will be the opposite, if I can help it.

I think I will. Even though it's been some time. Although the 5th anniversary did pass last month it's so fresh. I know there is for sure some anxiety about bringing piggies back into my world again that are mine and not the ones at the sanctuary that I work with probably that goes along with the grief perhaps. Fears that I am 'replacing' him even though I would never. It is just the beginning of another adventure.

You can never replace a piggy with another because every bond is unique. You will never lose that particular bond because any others will tie
into different spaces in your heart - and there is an unlimited number of docking spaces.

Any new relationship will be very different, especially when it is influenced by a previous loss; second time round loves tend to rather creep up on you and are not necessarily the star-crossed love on first sight. They are not any less valid and deep for being quieter; just different. In the end, you will inevitably come to love any pet of yours for their unique personality and the unique challenges and rewards they bring with themselves.

Please keep in mind that love is like a river that keeps on flowing and finding new ways whenever it is dammed or has to pass a cataract. You can never go back and recapture what you have shared. You have to move on along new scenery, new loves and new experiences, but you keep carrying your memories with you. Be open-minded and don't try to force things; they will happen when you are ready in whichever form.

You may find this very insightful thread from another member struggling with their bereavement interesting and helpful: On grief, and hope

 

[Swissgreys]

I have also been turned down from adopting a guinea pig that I was certain would be a perfect fit for us.
We drove over an hour each way to see him (after lengthy e-mail conversations with lots of questions and photos of our set up, etc), only to be told (after we had all fallen in love with him) that they decided we didn't meet the criteria after all. I was upset and my kids were devastated.

But this is also part of the roller coaster of animal adoption unfortunately.
It is hard, but maybe contact the rescue and ask them to let you know if any other suitable pigs come up?

I used to foster for a dog rescue and can confess that several of my fosters never made it into another home, so i can also see both sides of the story.

And please know you can ALWAYS share here - the good and the bad are welcome, and we are all here to listen and support you.

 

[Fantasimo]

When my local guinea pig rescue didn’t have any guinea pigs available, I decided to check the P@H rescue corner and found my two boys. I know that these sort of places are frowned upon as sellers of pets (not without good reason) but the rescue corner often has older pigs, who have recovered from illness (my two) or have been returned by the owners for various reasons.

I got a previous pig from a horrible garden centre (no hay, just straw, no hideys as the owner wanted people to be able to see him...we reported it to trading standards) and I just couldn’t stand leaving him there, even though I only went in to get Christmas tree lights! I had him neutered and then we adopted him a girlfriend. Errol was an amazing pig!

So don’t get disheartened, your next pig(s) could be anywhere!

Hugs

 

[Zanzan]

I desperately needed a female pig as a companion for a bereaved pining pig. I telephoned rescues but was going in a wider and wider circle away from my home as none had any available. I got to calling rescues about 50 miles away and then had to get some supplies from pets at home. In their adoption centre was a sad looking lonely female. I looked at her and thought 'oh that's sad' before leaving the store. I sat back down in my car about to call the next rescue on my list 52 miles away and thought 'what are you doing?!' I went back in and took home the sad piggie who became my wonderful Lulu who was with us for years. So as Fantasimo says your pigs could pop up somewhere unexpected. But they will pop up! I never would have dreamed of taking a pig home from a pet shop but on that day it just seemed the right thing to do. Your pigs are waiting for you like Lulu was waiting for me, you just haven't met them yet

 

[Cosmic_Shadow]

I desperately needed a female pig as a companion for a bereaved pining pig. I telephoned rescues but was going in a wider and wider circle away from my home as none had any available. I got to calling rescues about 50 miles away and then had to get some supplies from pets at home. In their adoption centre was a sad looking lonely female. I looked at her and thought 'oh that's sad' before leaving the store. I sat back down in my car about to call the next rescue on my list 52 miles away and thought 'what are you doing?!' I went back in and took home the sad piggie who became my wonderful Lulu who was with us for years. So as Fantasimo says your pigs could pop up somewhere unexpected. But they will pop up! I never would have dreamed of taking a pig home from a pet shop but on that day it just seemed the right thing to do. Your pigs are waiting for you like Lulu was waiting for me, you just haven't met them yet

I needed to see those gorgeous piggie lips. Thank you for sharing the photo and your story.
I'm glad you finally happened across a friend for your sweet piggie too.

When my local guinea pig rescue didn’t have any guinea pigs available, I decided to check the P@H rescue corner and found my two boys. I know that these sort of places are frowned upon as sellers of pets (not without good reason) but the rescue corner often has older pigs, who have recovered from illness (my two) or have been returned by the owners for various reasons.

I got a previous pig from a horrible garden centre (no hay, just straw, no hideys as the owner wanted people to be able to see him...we reported it to trading standards) and I just couldn’t stand leaving him there, even though I only went in to get Christmas tree lights! I had him neutered and then we adopted him a girlfriend. Errol was an amazing pig!

So don’t get disheartened, your next pig(s) could be anywhere!

Hugs

I'm glad you reported the one place for care malpractice. He sounds like he was a sweet soul, thank you for sharing his story with me.

I have also been turned down from adopting a guinea pig that I was certain would be a perfect fit for us.
We drove over an hour each way to see him (after lengthy e-mail conversations with lots of questions and photos of our set up, etc), only to be told (after we had all fallen in love with him) that they decided we didn't meet the criteria after all. I was upset and my kids were devastated.

But this is also part of the roller coaster of animal adoption unfortunately.
It is hard, but maybe contact the rescue and ask them to let you know if any other suitable pigs come up?

I used to foster for a dog rescue and can confess that several of my fosters never made it into another home, so i can also see both sides of the story.

And please know you can ALWAYS share here - the good and the bad are welcome, and we are all here to listen and support you.

You've really helped me feel a bit better confidence wise especially sharing this, I've felt a little embarrassed to even go back to the same rescue, even though I got a hamper of things to donate in preparation to adopt. All the talking and everything feels for nothing. I'm so sorry that your children had to go through this too, it's awful.