GPU, I need your help.

Tigermoth

Tigermoth

Adult Guinea Pig
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Dear Miss Bramble

Honestly, i just don’t know where to begin. I don’t know what The Human is thinking but does she not know what a dowager Duchess I am? The respect that I deserve? This evening she told me that I was going to get a “Bum Bath” and you know, she made it sound like such a good thing. I was quite excited. I remember Timmy used to get them for his manky boarly bits and he always seemed quite thrilled by it all. I didn’t show my excitement obviously, I have my dignity.

I was mis-sold. It was not the spa experience I was promised. She has left me smelling vaguely of coconut. She blew something called a “hair dryer” on my derrière. Rude! So now my bottom is fluffy.

I got the last laugh, I did lots of poops in the water and rained down poop and a nice big wee whilst she dried me. That will teach her. I’ll nip her next time.

I’d appreciate a call to action. This is not dignified behaviour.

Queen Jenny.
 
Dear Queen Jenny

Having a Dowager Duchess need my help is indeed an honour! I will do my utmost to help your Ladyship.

I have never had a bum bath and it does sound like a enjoyable Spa Experience but from what you have said it clearly was not! I have had to ask Thea (Shop Steward, Retired) what a bum bath is like and she has told me its a horrible time where your bum get shoved in a bucket of water and your Slaves rubs her hand over it, you are unceremoniously dumped on a towel and then a scary blowy thing is pointed at your rump to dry it.

Why do Slaves think its a good idea to give bum baths? Don't they realise that we can keep ourselves clean? So what if you're a bit niffy in the posterior what's wrong with smelling like a guinea pig? We are guinea pigs and we're supposed to smell like them!

It was good that you showed your displeasure with lots of poops of protest and adding in a massive wee for good measure. Here at the GPU we don't condone nipping but do understand that under circumstances it is necessary.

Next time your Slave says its time for a bum bath run away. Slaves really like it when you tease them. Let her get her hands around you when you feel the time is right (you know your Slave best so I'll leave you to judge this) then scuttle off quickly. If she does manage to catch you wriggle as much as you can and wheak as loudly as you can to show your displeasure. Poop and wee as before too.

Yours hoping you never have to endure a bum bath again

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Oh Miss Bramble thank you. Sadly my scuttling days are behind me. I will have to settle with nipping. That will show her. I did begin to nip but lost my nerve but on hearing your thoughts I now regret giving this human the benefit of the doubt. How many times do we hear that we should trust our instincts? I’m cross with myself. Until next time, human. Until next time.
 
Dear Queen Jenny

I think you need to apply for a correspondence course on nipping from GPFANS. As I said earlier, the GPU does not condone nipping and biting but do understand that in certain circumstances it is necessary.

Your friend in a crisis

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Betsy said:
Dear Queen Jenny

I think you need to apply for a correspondence course on nipping from GPFANS. As I said earlier, the GPU does not condone nipping and biting but do understand that in certain circumstances it is necessary.

Your friend in a crisis

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
Click to expand...

Dear Miss Bramble

I think you are right. I’m reluctant to be too unkind as she seems sad already but it doesn’t matter if she is sad if she keeps putting my bottom in a washing up bowl.

I will submit a course application in due course.

Your loyal comrade in poops (and teeth)

Queen Jenny
 
Dear Queen Jenny

As this is extenuating circumstances, the Committee of the GPU have held an emergency meeting and agree that you should apply for the GPFANS course on "How and When to Nip your Slave". The Elders on the Committee were reluctant first of all because they all grew up with the "Under no circumstances should you nip your Slave" mantra but when they heard that you had to endure bum baths on a regular basis they reluctantly agreed to it.

Your friend in an emergency

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Dear Queen Jenny

Have you tried "guinea pig"? It may work.

Yours
Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Dear Queen Jenny,
we have received your application for a quick nipping course.
I'm very happy to inform you that Billie has agreed to give you a personal choaching. She is a pacifist at heart herself, but has learned that sometimes a good nip is the only way to go. Billie also knows about the indignity of a bum bath. (Though she hasn't had anything warm blowing on her derrière - that sounds REALLY disturbing!) So you'll be in excellent paws.

Wheeks Bonny
 
I shall ready myself for intensive training. Thank you Billie for taking me on, I know that your teeth must be in demand when they take off your lovely smelly comfy foot bandage to change it for a “fresh” one so your time is precious.

I’ve hidden all evening. The human is hiding after banging my head on my wooden logs when picking me up for medicine. I really don’t like nasty gabapentin and I scuttled, YES, scuttled and hid but she grabbed me anyway. She really is insufferable.

KR
QJ
 
To whom it may concern

She did it again! The Liberty! I was ready though, oh I was ready. I tolerated the bath. It was done and then the drying began. Here was where I played my trump card. I let a cascade of poop fall from me to be blown around the lounge. It was brilliant. I know she found 15 poops but I’m pretty sure I did more so there are some she is yet to find…

I’m so chuffed with myself for that. Try it!
 
Dear Queen Jenny

Here at the GPU we are very proud of how you behaved after the indignity of yet another a bum bath. Saving up all those poops must have taken some effort and probably a bit of tummy ache too so well done in holding on to them. Let's hope that your Slave will tread on the few that have been left behind and squash them into the carpet.

Yours in awe of your pooping ability

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
Viennese Furbabies said:
Dear Queen Jenny,
that's great work! Even Odi who is our poop king is in awe of your achievement!

Did you also try some of the nipping movements we have being talking about?

Wheeks Billie
Click to expand...

Do you realise how much concentration it took to send poop in all directions like a piggy scattergun? There was no bandwidth for nipping left!
 
Tigermoth said:
Do you realise how much concentration it took to send poop in all directions like a piggy scattergun? There was no bandwidth for nipping left!
Click to expand...
Of course! I'm usually very relaxed about pooping. It's Odi who has got the talent of pooping all over the place at the right time. And he agrees that thinking about the right spot and strength for nipping and spot on pooping (even without your glorious scattergun effect) doesn't work
Wheeks Billie
 
Tigermoth said:
Oh and I nipped her when she tried to get a crunchy bit off my eye. Ha. 14 poos sprayed across the carpet too.
Click to expand...
Dear Quenny Jenny!
How dare she tell you that you stink. She might be allowed to think that, but to say this aloud in your presence. :yikes:

But we at GPFANS headquarters are very proud that you got a good nip in. And congratulations on your spot on pooping! 🤩

Wheeks from Billie & Bonny
 
Dear Queen Jenny

The cheek of your Slave! You clearly didn't stink of wee, I reckon she just wanted to give you a bath so she could see whether the sprayed poops across the Living Room was a one off or not. Clearly it wasn't. Doesn't she realise that the more she baths you, the more poops you will spray around the room to show your disgust at actually being bathed?

Whilst the GPU does not condone nipping, we realise that in some circumstances it is necessary.

Yours very pleased I have not had to endure such an indignity.

Miss Bramble
Shop Steward
 
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