Grief

[ells_x]

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to come on here just for some advice and maybe some reassurance that I'm not being dramatic and that how I feel is normal..
I recently got a new baby piggie Wilbur and I love him so dearly already, he's such a sweet and joyful little baby who makes my Rupert happy again. I lost my soul piggie Bertie at the end of March and my grief journey was so intense at first.. I cried uncontrollably for days and then I got his ashes back and strangely I felt... nothing. Like I was empty. I couldn't cry even when I wanted to and I thought about my reality without him every single day.
Since getting Wilbur literally two days ago I'm struggling with my emotions. I miss my Bertie so so badly and I'm crying a lot about losing him all over again but I feel like I can't express this because people are so quick to say "but you got another one?..."
I don't know, I don't love Wilbur any less and he already means so so much to me along with Rupert but I just can't help but think about Bertie too. I'm just so heartbroken that he's gone
Thank you for reading this, it's nice to have a community where I can come to and speak to people who simply just understand how much of an impact these little piggies have on us.

My Bertie, my best friend forever.

 

[Merab]

Wilbur is not a replacement for Bertie.
He is a successor because you have so much love in your heart to give.
Grief often comes in waves.
Something will trigger the tears and feelings of loss even when we think we’ve passed that stage of grief.
Allow yourself to grieve and enjoy Wilbur for the unique piggy he is.
Bertie will always have his place in your heart.
Hugs

 

[ells_x]

Thank you so much.
What a beautiful way to see it. Bertie taught me how to be the pig mum that I am today.
I guess it's hard to accept such a traumatic and unexpected loss but I'm just so grateful I got to call him mine. Ah! It's so emotional and bittersweet.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply, thank you.
@Merab

 

[Rescued One]

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to come on here just for some advice and maybe some reassurance that I'm not being dramatic and that how I feel is normal..
I recently got a new baby piggie Wilbur and I love him so dearly already, he's such a sweet and joyful little baby who makes my Rupert happy again. I lost my soul piggie Bertie at the end of March and my grief journey was so intense at first.. I cried uncontrollably for days and then I got his ashes back and strangely I felt... nothing. Like I was empty. I couldn't cry even when I wanted to and I thought about my reality without him every single day.
Since getting Wilbur literally two days ago I'm struggling with my emotions. I miss my Bertie so so badly and I'm crying a lot about losing him all over again but I feel like I can't express this because people are so quick to say "but you got another one?..."
I don't know, I don't love Wilbur any less and he already means so so much to me along with Rupert but I just can't help but think about Bertie too. I'm just so heartbroken that he's gone
Thank you for reading this, it's nice to have a community where I can come to and speak to people who simply just understand how much of an impact these little piggies have on us.

My Bertie, my best friend forever.

It's ok to cry and for the process to take time. I recently had to euthanize my favorite hamster Peanut, and I still get teary sometimes and haven't been able to spread his ashes. Its amazing how such little lives can leave such big holes in our hearts. Condolences

 

[Wiebke]

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to come on here just for some advice and maybe some reassurance that I'm not being dramatic and that how I feel is normal..
I recently got a new baby piggie Wilbur and I love him so dearly already, he's such a sweet and joyful little baby who makes my Rupert happy again. I lost my soul piggie Bertie at the end of March and my grief journey was so intense at first.. I cried uncontrollably for days and then I got his ashes back and strangely I felt... nothing. Like I was empty. I couldn't cry even when I wanted to and I thought about my reality without him every single day.
Since getting Wilbur literally two days ago I'm struggling with my emotions. I miss my Bertie so so badly and I'm crying a lot about losing him all over again but I feel like I can't express this because people are so quick to say "but you got another one?..."
I don't know, I don't love Wilbur any less and he already means so so much to me along with Rupert but I just can't help but think about Bertie too. I'm just so heartbroken that he's gone
Thank you for reading this, it's nice to have a community where I can come to and speak to people who simply just understand how much of an impact these little piggies have on us.

My Bertie, my best friend forever.

Hi and welcome

HUGS

I am very sorry for your loss. Please be reassured that your reaction is not at all an unusual one. Seeing another piggy in the space where you expect to see Bertie can seem like a violation and an unwelcome intrusion, especially when you still subconsciously expect Bertie to be there and have not even started to make peace with the physical gap that he leaves. This can trigger a strong emotional reaction, ranging from total numbness to full-on anger as your barely scabbed over wound is suddenly ripped open again.

Please try to see Wilbur for the time being strictly as a paw-holder for Rupert, so his needs are taken care of while Wilbur's physical presence gives you the freedom to grieve for Bertie in your own human-scale way without having to worry about Rupert's differing needs.

You are quite simply just not yet emotionally open for a new relationship but that has nothing to do with Wilbur as a pet or your capacity to love, just with the timing. Wilbur is not a replacement for Bertie and will find his very own way into your heart in his own time and in his very own, very different way.
It is actually more likely that you will find one day that Wilbur has already snook in and made himself at home in your heart in a rather unexpected way that has entirely gone under your radar - because he is not Bertie but entirely himself.

You have all the time to come to love Wilbur for himself; and as you are such a loving and caring person, you are going to do so when the time is right. Love and grief are not things that work neatly; they are very complex and messy emotions that can sometimes clash and sometimes intermingle.
Grieving is a much more complex journey that can take you to very unexpected places. It is anything but a set period when you feel sad and then conveniently stop being that. The bonds whose loss we mourn are very multi-stranded so our grieving process reflects that. That is also the reason why you grieve differently each time.

Please give your heart time and try not to put any undue expectations onto yourself. Your heart is in the right place; put your trust in it that is getting it right but give it the time to work it all out for itself.

You may find this link here, written beautifully and thoughtfully by another forum member in your situation very consoling and uplifting as it touches on all the issues and emotions that upset you right now. I would strongly urge you to read it, even if it leads to a new crying session - but one that will leave you feeling better afterwards: On grief, and hope

There is also a whole chapter in our bereaved companions guide that deals with the clash between companionship needs and human grieving and how to best navigate it emotionally: Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

This is our own grieving guide with a wide range of practical trips and advice on how you can express the whole gamut of emotions you experience in order to help process them, in the hope that you will find a way that feels right for you: Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

If you continue to struggle with your emotions, sleep and functioning in daily life, I would recommend to contact the free pet bereavement platform of the Blue Cross animal charity (UK only) for a chat after the weekend. Talking is the best thing you can do. Most members who do this come back with a positive feedback.
Pet Loss Support

We continue to be here for you for as long as needed.

 

[ells_x]

It's ok to cry and for the process to take time. I recently had to euthanize my favorite hamster Peanut, and I still get teary sometimes and haven't been able to spread his ashes. Its amazing how such little lives can leave such big holes in our hearts. Condolences

Aww I am so sorry for your loss. It's truly devastating. Big hugs to you, there is no doubt that little Peanut lived a whole life full of love.

 

[ells_x]

Hi and welcome

HUGS

I am very sorry for your loss. Please be reassured that your reaction is not at all an unusual one. Seeing another piggy in the space where you expect to see Bertie can seem like a violation and an unwelcome intrusion, especially when you still subconsciously expect Bertie to be there and have not even started to make peace with the physical gap that he leaves. This can trigger a strong emotional reaction, ranging from total numbness to full-on anger as your barely scabbed over wound is suddenly ripped open again.

Please try to see Wilbur for the time being strictly as a paw-holder for Rupert, so his needs are taken care of while Wilbur's physical presence gives you the freedom to grieve for Bertie in your own human-scale way without having to worry about Rupert's differing needs.

You are quite simply just not yet emotionally open for a new relationship but that has nothing to do with Wilbur as a pet or your capacity to love, just with the timing. Wilbur is not a replacement for Bertie and will find his very own way into your heart in his own time and in his very own, very different way.
It is actually more likely that you will find one day that Wilbur has already snook in and made himself at home in your heart in a rather unexpected way that has entirely gone under your radar - because he is not Bertie but entirely himself.

You have all the time to come to love Wilbur for himself; and as you are such a loving and caring person, you are going to do so when the time is right. Love and grief are not things that work neatly; they are very complex and messy emotions that can sometimes clash and sometimes intermingle.
Grieving is a much more complex journey that can take you to very unexpected places. It is anything but a set period when you feel sad and then conveniently stop being that. The bonds whose loss we mourn are very multi-stranded so our grieving process reflects that. That is also the reason why you grieve differently each time.

Please give your heart time and try not to put any undue expectations onto yourself. Your heart is in the right place; put your trust in it that is getting it right but give it the time to work it all out for itself.

You may find this link here, written beautifully and thoughtfully by another forum member in your situation very consoling and uplifting as it touches on all the issues and emotions that upset you right now. I would strongly urge you to read it, even if it leads to a new crying session - but one that will leave you feeling better afterwards: On grief, and hope

There is also a whole chapter in our bereaved companions guide that deals with the clash between companionship needs and human grieving and how to best navigate it emotionally: Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig

This is our own grieving guide with a wide range of practical trips and advice on how you can express the whole gamut of emotions you experience in order to help process them, in the hope that you will find a way that feels right for you: Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

If you continue to struggle with your emotions, sleep and functioning in daily life, I would recommend to contact the free pet bereavement platform of the Blue Cross animal charity (UK only) for a chat after the weekend. Talking is the best thing you can do. Most members who do this come back with a positive feedback.
Pet Loss Support

We continue to be here for you for as long as needed.

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. This truly means so much!
It's really hard and I guess I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to try and have that bond with him straight away and also in the back of my mind I'm like "I need to make sure that this doesn't happen again" even though what happened was completely out of my control. I'm just glad that Rupert is okay again now and Wilbur is just so lovely and I know I have room in my heart for him.
It's hard to not feel dramatic too, people tend to just brush it off or not take it seriously but losing my Bertie has broken me completely.
Thank you for this lovely response, it's made me feel less alone and more understood and I'm very grateful.
Thank you

 

[Wiebke]

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. This truly means so much!
It's really hard and I guess I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to try and have that bond with him straight away and also in the back of my mind I'm like "I need to make sure that this doesn't happen again" even though what happened was completely out of my control. I'm just glad that Rupert is okay again now and Wilbur is just so lovely and I know I have room in my heart for him.
It's hard to not feel dramatic too, people tend to just brush it off or not take it seriously but losing my Bertie has broken me completely.
Thank you for this lovely response, it's made me feel less alone and more understood and I'm very grateful.
Thank you

If it is any help to you, I experienced the same after the loss of my most special piggy ever, Minx, about 20 years ago.

Her companion Dizzy just couldn't cope with losing another friend all over again so we had to take her rescue dating in a hurry. Since there were no sows in rescue in the whole area at the time, we had to take her 'husboar' (neutered boar) dating. The boy she clicked with instantly after (candidate #3) was unfortunately another ginger and white model, which hurt me very much and I was rather angry about Dizzy's choice.
Like you, didn't feel anything at all about Llewelyn; not that Dizzy was minded to share her Llewi with me! It took a few weeks for me to get out of it, and it took over a year to really get over losing Minx, as their was no understanding or support whatsoever in those days.


However, Llewi and I did become good friends in due time and he was the patriarch around who I build up my big Tribe group in order to take my own piggy journey into an entirely different direction as I knew I would never get another Minx or be able to replicate those magical 3 years with her.



Minx still lives in my heart and sometimes when I am in one of those big scanning machines in hospital I go and play with her free roaming in the (enclosed) garden as one of my happiest memories in order to stimulate my dopamines.

Just give yourself time to grieve for Bertie and let Wilbur be there for Rupert. It is going to sort itself out on its own in its own time and it is going to come right in the long term. Including you building up a loving relationship with Wilbur. But also rest assured that unless you block yourself off, once your heart has mended, Bertie will always stay with you as an integral part of who you are.

Without Minx I would never have had my piggy journey and would never have ended up with this forum. Who knows what direction Bertie is going to inspire you to take as you grow and develop with this experience - suffering through it but overcoming and growing as a human being?

 

[ells_x]

If it is any help to you, I experienced the same after the loss of my most special piggy ever, Minx, about 20 years ago.

Her companion Dizzy just couldn't cope with losing another friend all over again so we had to take her rescue dating in a hurry. Since there were no sows in rescue in the whole area at the time, we had to take her 'husboar' (neutered boar) dating. The boy she clicked with instantly after (candidate #3) was unfortunately another ginger and white model, which hurt me very much and I was rather angry about Dizzy's choice.
Like you, didn't feel anything at all about Llewelyn; not that Dizzy was minded to share her Llewi with me! It took a few weeks for me to get out of it, and it took over a year to really get over losing Minx, as their was no understanding or support whatsoever in those days.
View attachment 285105

However, Llewi and I did become good friends in due time and he was the patriarch around who I build up my big Tribe group in order to take my own piggy journey into an entirely different direction as I knew I would never get another Minx or be able to replicate those magical 3 years with her.

View attachment 285104

Minx still lives in my heart and sometimes when I am in one of those big scanning machines in hospital I go and play with her free roaming in the (enclosed) garden as one of my happiest memories in order to stimulate my dopamines.

Just give yourself time to grieve for Bertie and let Wilbur be there for Rupert. It is going to sort itself out on its own in its own time and it is going to come right in the long term. Including you building up a loving relationship with Wilbur. But also rest assured that unless you block yourself off, once your heart has mended, Bertie will always stay with you as an integral part of who you are.

Without Minx I would never have had my piggy journey and would never have ended up with this forum. Who knows what direction Bertie is going to inspire you to take as you grow and develop with this experience - suffering through it but overcoming and growing as a human being?

wow what beautiful piggies.
Thank you for sharing this with me it makes me feel understood. I'm so glad I found this forum and like you said, these piggies shape us into who we become and shape how the future looks for us.
All I know is that if it wasn't for Bertie, I'd never have found my love for these creatures and wouldn't be the piggie mum I am today!
Here is a picture of Rupert and Wilbur as we speak. I am holding them close and smiling knowing that Bertie is still here, in my heart.

 

[Wiebke]

wow what beautiful piggies.
Thank you for sharing this with me it makes me feel understood. I'm so glad I found this forum and like you said, these piggies shape us into who we become and shape how the future looks for us.
All I know is that if it wasn't for Bertie, I'd never have found my love for these creatures and wouldn't be the piggie mum I am today!
Here is a picture of Rupert and Wilbur as we speak. I am holding them close and smiling knowing that Bertie is still here, in my heart.

What stunning boys you have - all three of them.

What is making all our piggies actually gorgeous is our love and care, which comes through in the pictures as well.

As you can see, Llewelyn with his half missing ear and I did become good friends because he would not have sat still for me crouching in front of him with my camera.
Watching little old Dizzy trying to teach this initially totally scared young survivor of a pen shared with rabbits and chickens some basic etiquette was rather hilarious and made me laugh despite myself, watching from afar.
But they were totally devoted to each other, even when the hormones occasionally got the better of teenage Llewi.

This is my favourite picture of them. It's memories like these that will never stop to warm your heart, even decades later.


Right now it is still too painful for you but you will eventually find that there is a lot more of Bertie left than you'd expect and that he will never fully leave you.

If it is helpful for you, I like to imagine my RIP piggies as my little furry guardian angels who help me look out for the successors. What they have taught me benefits those that have come after them, so it is kind of a visualisation of their living legacy.