A few years ago back in 2017 my guinea pig passed away from a bladder stone ( we had to put him down) I am still in secondary school) and I have nightmares about it constantly I feel very guilty about it l. What should I do to feel better no one knows how I feel and I cry whenever I’m alone or looking at his old hutch. I feel like I have failed his brother please any advice is welcome
Hi and welcome
Please take the time to read our grieving guide and contact a pet bereavement service (there are some free numbers) if you feel safer with talking to a non-judgmental trained stranger.
It is important for yourself that you talk through your issues so you can turn your feelings of guilt into more constructive channels; especially if you are experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, which are clear signs that your loss has been a traumatic experience for you.
The grieving guide does address this aspect and contains to tip access available resources (including a free phone line):
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Coping and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children
Boars have got a longer urethra with an awkward inglenook widening in it; that is where a bladder stone often fetches up. If the stone is big enough to block the urine flow, it can lead to a very quick deterioration and death once the backed up urine gets into the kidneys. It is the biggest boar-specific risk of fatality that we see on here (for sows it is ovarian cyst complications, so the health risks are about even for both genders).
And just very, very bad luck for you if it happens to one of your boys, especially when you have never heard of it before!
You can only prevent the problems you are aware of, and often not everything then. Most of the bad stuff that happens is an unfortunate mix of several things playing into it and rarely all your own fault. It was certainly NOT your fault that the stone did fetch up where it did before it could cause other symptoms so it could be operated out in time.
We can only do our best as we know it at any time; but we can never keep our beloved ones 100% safe. If you put that much pressure and expectation on yourself, all you will do is set yourself up for one fail after another as you go through life.
Life is a learning curve; it doesn't matter so much that we stumble or how often we do it (usually much more than we would like) but it matters a lot more how we get back up and try to not stumble over the same issue repeatedly.
Often we learn a lot more through our mistakes than if we only ever allow ourselves to smoothly ride along the surface of any subject. Be sad about your loss but take your lessons from it:
- Learn to do some research about good care from reputable sources when it comes to any pets in your care now that you are becoming old enough to do so
- Please don't make the mistake of going to the other extreme of overresearching either and ending up with pet anxiety where you can't enjoy your pets anymore and just panic at the least sign out of the normal!
- Learn to get help for yourself early on when something is not right for you and you struggle to process it. There is no shame in it if you are upset by a traumatic event but struggle with digesting it. You would go and disinfect a scrape on your knee from a bad fall and not wait until it gets infected or if you broke your arm, wouldn't you? The same goes for your mind! So don't feel bad when you have the equivalent of a broken arm in your mind.
If you have worries about the brother, then please have him x-rayed to check for the presence of stones.
As to bladder stones:
Please make sure that you review your diet. Calcium absorption is a complex process; there can be genetic components as well as genuine disturbances in the absorption process but diet can often contribute to the formation of them; and it is the one area where you can make changes to the better.
Most people are unaware that water and pellets usually do contain more calcium than veg; but that all areas of a diet need to be looked at - especially since veg should only make 10-15% of the daily food intake with 1 tablespoon of pellets per piggy per day another 5%. The rest should be unlimited hay.
Please also be aware that a diet too low in calcium can be as harmful to long term health as one too high in calcium. Keep in mind that dietary changes are not instant; they take a number of weeks to fully come through; and they can only address the issues that are diet related. However they can in the longer term greatly minimise the risk of bladder stones.
Here is our information, which looks at all aspects and not just at veg:
Long Term Balanced General And Special Needs Guinea Pig Diets
Is your brother alone or does he have a companion? What are you doing for enrichment for him?
Single Guinea Pigs - Challenges and Responsibilities
Enrichment Ideas for Guinea Pigs
Getting Started - New Owners' Most Helpful Guides
Guinea Pig Care & Information Guides
I hope that this helps you. Please take the time to read the green links; they contain lots of very practical advice for things where you can make fairly easy changes to the better.
Get help for yourself! That is important, too; so you learn to deal with the inevitable feelings of guilt, how to process them and also learn to spot the signs when you are not coping. Go out and do constructive things to minimise the risk of the same happening again and to improve the quality of life of the brother.
We can never go back to make things undone; especially those we didn't know that there was a risk. BUT we can always change the future and make it better and save other lives down the line - and hopefully change life to the better for many more beings that come through our life than we would have if not for our first sad loss.
Adulthood is not about being perfect, it is about learning from any mistakes, accepting when something has been just bad luck and not your fault or not completely your fault, knowing when we need to go for help (everybody does at some point or other!) and do better in that particular area. There are still plenty other areas to make other mistakes in and repeat the process...
If you go through life without things going badly haywire then you are either a saint or you don't have a life. But you definitely won't be going through the internal growing process that creates our emotional maturity and our deeper understanding of others. You can only ever do that if you are living with regrets of your own. But you are a very loving and responsible person; being aware of the shadows and living with them will make your love shine brighter and stronger; and will make you stronger as a person in the long term.
