Hi I had to put my beloved Dexter to sleep today after a two week battle of dental issues followed by thrush in his mouth. Although I was syringe feeding him around the clock sadly he became weaker and couldn't sustain any weight.
Early hours of this morning he could no longer support himself so I decided the kindest thing for him was to let him go.
I feel such guilt I couldn't do enough to save him he was only 2 years old. He was such a loving happy guinea pig. I feel numb and can't stop crying. I miss him so much already. We lost his cage mate in May last year and that was hard but now losing him I feel so bereft.
I'm sorry for the rambling I don't really know what else to do...I know people will say he's in a better place, but he was already in a better place here with me in our family.
Any ideas on how to stop this from hurting so much?
Thank you
Hi!
I am very sorry for your loss. It is always harder to make peace when you lose a younger guinea pig, as I know from my own experiences.
Strong feelings of guilt and failure are very normal for the onset of the grieving process; we all suffer from them to some degree or other. Ironically, they are NOT a sign that you have failed Dexter in any way, but simply that you are a truly caring and loving owner!
You HAVE done for Dexter what you could and have done everything you should, including letting him go when he became too weak and his body was closing down - it is the most loving, but also most heart-breaking gift we can give a beloved pet. There is nothing you can fault yourself on; you have done exactly what every responsible owner would do and should do.
It is important that you keep in mind that it is not in our control when and what from our piggies die. You can do your best, but you can always do only so much. Like you cannot hold back a tsunami wave, you cannot hold back nature by sheer force of will. What we can do for ill piggies is still rather limited even though it is so much more than we could do for the piggies of my childhood.
Bad karma happens and it often happens in blobs and not nicely spread out. As humans we are unfortunately wired to reflect any bad stuff as a personal failing, whether it is our doing or not. That is what you are experiencing right now.
Keep in mind that guinea pigs don't have a concept for a long life. But they have a concept for a happy life. As long as you give your piggies as many happy todays as they are given, you are doing right by them. The rest is not in your purview, apart from sparing them any unnecessary suffering whenever you come to that point.
Please contact the free Blue Cross (UK) line if you really struggle with getting past the guilt stage or google for pet bereavement services in your area. Talking is the best thing you can do. Any forum members who have made use of this services have come back with a positive experience.
SupportLine - Problems: Pet Bereavement: Advice, support and information
The second-best thing is to write a diary in which you record all your memories of Dexter and his friend, so you regain and retain them in their good times and your memory is not clouded by the sharp and relatively short end. By writing down your precious memories, they cannot be taken away from you.
Also write down (in the same booklet or in another one) your feelings in order to work them out and allow yourself to move through the grieving and eventually healing process. It is not something you can hurry on, but it is something you can help on.
A third area you can consider is whether you want to create some kind of memorial of some sort and/or whether you want create a legacy and use your pain in some way to ease the pain of other piggies. I call this 'paying forward'. If adopting rescue piggies is too painful, you can always make a donation to a rescue in Dexter's name or sponsor a permanent rescue resident in his name if there is one that catches your heart.
If you want to understand more about the grieving process, pts, the challenges of looking after a terminal ill piggy and creating a memorial, then you may find Guinea Pig Magazine issues 45-48 helpful; they deal with the whole complex in a series of thoughtful articles.
Issue 48 (the one with the memorial ideas) is coming out on 12th January and is available for pre-order now.
The magazine is available worldwide by subscription as a print or as a cheaper download option on all the usual devices.
Guinea Pig Mag
I hope that this helps you!
It's always hard time going through grieving. I understand it is tough right now, but time will heal. As Wiebke said, talk to others or write your thoughts down - it will help.
