How do you all stay so friendly?

Dill&Pepper

Dill&Pepper

Junior Guinea Pig
Joined
Aug 19, 2017
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Location
Bucks, UK
One of the things that amazes me most about this forum since joining is how friendly and nice you all are, even to people whose guinea pig care leaves a lot to be desired.

For a group of slaves so dedicated to piggie welfare, I’m sure your blood is boiling as mine is when someone comes on and obviously hasn’t cared for their pig properly. I don’t contribute to these threads since I really don’t think I could resist adding in a cutting remark or two, which seems to be very much against the ethos of the forum - I’m more used to a forum (not GP-related) where far more ‘robust’ replies are the norm and I think without filtering myself I’d be banned very quickly!

How do you find the patience to not give the occasional poster a really good telling off?! (No specific thread in mind, just a general musing).
 
I think we all have that desire to want to really give them a good telling off .. but I think we all just want whats best . So when seeing a post as .. we try to educate and give guidance on the situation . I don't think many people get the right information or do the right research before homing a guinea pig. This is the first mistake. They are a lot of work and if u don't have time or the money not only for food and shelter but for the big factor of vets . I'm totally with u on this post :)
 
As my granny used to say, “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar”.
Humans can make their own choices and decisions. The piggies can’t. So in the interests of the welfare of the piggies we try not to be too judgemental and try to educate the owners for the sake of the piggies.
And if all else fails we let Boss Hog loose with his ban hammer.
 
Dill&Pepper said:
One of the things that amazes me most about this forum since joining is how friendly and nice you all are, even to people whose guinea pig care leaves a lot to be desired.

For a group of slaves so dedicated to piggie welfare, I’m sure your blood is boiling as mine is when someone comes on and obviously hasn’t cared for their pig properly. I don’t contribute to these threads since I really don’t think I could resist adding in a cutting remark or two, which seems to be very much against the ethos of the forum - I’m more used to a forum (not GP-related) where far more ‘robust’ replies are the norm and I think without filtering myself I’d be banned very quickly!

How do you find the patience to not give the occasional poster a really good telling off?! (No specific thread in mind, just a general musing).
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I believe it is far better to hopefully educate someone in better welfare, than to have a go at them and they just leave the forum and continue to provide less than adequate care for their guinea pigs. Not everyone is as knowledgeable and people can very quickly get out of their depth and I would much rather they feel they can ask for, non judgemental, help, than to just try and muddle through, or worse!
 
I agree but if it's something I learnt the hard way it's that a person will only listen to you if you speak nicely, plus we never know the full situation of the person and the piggy just a slight glimpse through one post. I usually remind myself that I too was someone who took advice from the pet shops and saw nothing wrong in it. When i was younger I had about 6 hamsters in a tiny cage after I was misold two opposite sex hamsters it didn't even cross my mind that this was cruel because everyone was doing it and I was so young. My mum ended up rehoming them all because we didn't know who was male or female. I think mostly people are unaware and also the laws just don't give animals the rights that they should have so pet shops abuse this and market their goods towards the owner not the pet. So if people use harnesses or running balls or tiny cages that's because that's what the pet shop sells. Of course there will always be people who couldn't care less about their piggy but if they have come to the forum yours will be the only voice to help a piggy and it's owner have a better more fulfilling relationship and life (We all go through hard times, i try not to take my anger or fustration out on others because it makes me worse than them) x
 
I have found in life that we achieve much more by being welcoming and friendly.
If we were unkind or rude to people they wouldn’t come again and we’d lose the chance to make a difference.
I certainly wouldn’t have stayed if I felt the forum was a judgemental place.
So - sometimes I don’t reply and sometimes I bite my finger before typing and mostly try to think how I would feel if the situation was reversed.
 
I try and deal with it as I would if it were either my children or my elderly parents (who I seem handle like toddlers sometimes!) Often that means taking a deep breath and walking away while working out how to say something constructive - but it usually boils down to looking at it from an angle of lack of knowledge rather than wilful neglect. You do get internet trolls and I'm sure from time to time there is a poster who signs up purely to provoke, but in general I think if people have taken the trouble to (a) find the forum and (b) post asking for help, then they're genuinely trying to make things better for their pig(s) so if I think I can help them then I will.

I did report one post that seemed like such a ridiculous scenario I couldn't quite believe it was genuine. Knowing there is that option is also quite calming - it was much easier to be polite in my replies when I could be more candid in my report post!
 
This is a great thread @Dill&Pepper

It always makes us proud to be a member of this forum, the ethos has always been to educate rather than being confrontational. Have a look at this sticky which explains why this forum is like it is... It's you and fellow members that make it... :luv:

Long may it continue...

We Are All Responsible For The Forum...

Lisa & Ali.. x
 
At the end of the day we have all been newbies, not just to the forum but to piggy care, it is impossible to know it all as well. In my early days I was the highly anxious member who panicked and posted on here instead of picking up the phone to the vet when one of my first piggies took a leap of faith out of my hands to the patio. I'm sure there were many members uttering under their breath and facepalming behind their keyboards. Who would I be to speak harshly to anyone else? I am to speak to others how I would like to be spoken to so I can be blunt and to the point but hopefully never nasty.
 
Dill&Pepper said:
One of the things that amazes me most about this forum since joining is how friendly and nice you all are, even to people whose guinea pig care leaves a lot to be desired.

For a group of slaves so dedicated to piggie welfare, I’m sure your blood is boiling as mine is when someone comes on and obviously hasn’t cared for their pig properly. I don’t contribute to these threads since I really don’t think I could resist adding in a cutting remark or two, which seems to be very much against the ethos of the forum - I’m more used to a forum (not GP-related) where far more ‘robust’ replies are the norm and I think without filtering myself I’d be banned very quickly!

How do you find the patience to not give the occasional poster a really good telling off?! (No specific thread in mind, just a general musing).
Click to expand...

Sometimes you need to take a REALLY deep breath and think firmly that you are doing it for the poor piggies in question - you can only help them if you get the owner on board, and that doesn't happen if you snap at the person!
It also helps to remember that the owner does at least care enough to come on here and enquire about help for their piggy. ;)

Our forum is still running so well because we have learned that we get much further by working on keeping this the friendly place we all want it to be and because we have not forgotten that we have all started out knowing nothing and learning some things the hard way.
It is actually much more work and effort to keep an online space friendly and inclusive than allowing it be taken over by hardliners and 'outspoken' self-nominated 'experts'.
Common courtesy and manners are sadly one of the biggest victims in a culture where you do no longer interact face to face. It is sadly far too easy to forget that there is still a person with their own worries and problems at the other end that you know nothing about because you cannot see their upset in their face or the hurt in their eyes.
 
lol. I know what I was like when I first got my piggies. Fortunately I joined the forum quite soon after I got mine, so I have hopefully learned enough early on to give my piggies the best I can. I have really appreciated all the advice I have had. There are LOTS of times I've wanted to say something sharp, however I am also of the 'you catch more flies with honey than vinegar' brigade. If I had posted some of the things I did when I first had my piggies (like putting my three young males in with the foster male I had to see which one he bonded best with - oops), I'm sure some people would have wanted to shake me too. There is always the reporting function, which I've used several times. I love the friendliness of this forum though.
 
I think life is too short to go around being nasty and vile to people and I'm a firm believer in treating people as you would wish to be treated yourself.

It can be frustrating when people post on here and inside your thinking please get this piggy to a vet before posting on a forum but I learnt a long time ago, being aggressive and angry doesn't help a situation and largely we are here for the pigs, it doesn't do a pig any favours if its human is involved in forum arguments instead of sorting the problem out
 
Oh I completely understand why it is like it is, it’s more that I’m impressed that you keep it up day after day, and I’ve never really seen any of the frequent posters break ranks - it’s impressive!

I have enough self-control to back away from a thread where I’m thinking :rant:, but not enough to post something friendly and helpful to them and I’m in awe of those that do so again, and again, and again!

Piggy Slave said:
I think life is too short to go around being nasty and vile to people and I'm a firm believer in treating people as you would wish to be treated yourself.
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You misunderstand me if you think I’m talking about being “nasty and vile” to people. There’s a way to express negative opinions without being nasty, but I only ever see positivity here. Personally, there have been times in real life where people have given me a talking to about decisions (and not in a telling children off way - I’m far too old for that :D) and it’s been really helpful because I’m a very straight talker and don’t take it personally, but I can see it might scare people away on a fairly small forum like this.
 
Dill&Pepper said:
Oh I completely understand why it is like it is, it’s more that I’m impressed that you keep it up day after day, and I’ve never really seen any of the frequent posters break ranks - it’s impressive!

I have enough self-control to back away from a thread where I’m thinking :rant:, but not enough to post something friendly and helpful to them and I’m in awe of those that do so again, and again, and again!



You misunderstand me if you think I’m talking about being “nasty and vile” to people. There’s a way to express negative opinions without being nasty, but I only ever see positivity here. Personally, there have been times in real life where people have given me a talking to about decisions (and not in a telling children off way - I’m far too old for that :D) and it’s been really helpful because I’m a very straight talker and don’t take it personally, but I can see it might scare people away on a fairly small forum like this.
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I completely understand where you are coming from, I think piggy slave was talking in general terms not about you xx

When anyone see anything upsetting even if it's on the forum or just in general life, emotions sometimes overpower us and we get upset and have a go at people (Well I know I do when I snap at poor hubby or my kids) I think this is a human reaction which can be unlearned and replaced with deep breaths and walk away and come back and deal with the situation properly and in most cases I have found saying nothing is better than saying something especially if emotions are high. From my view it takes practice, no one is perfect I am sure everyone on this forum has said things or posted things spontaneously they wish they hadn't but that's how we learn to be better next time x
 
I always remember back to my first attempts at keeping pigs and how much help this forum would have been at the time.
My first 2 were a mis sexed pair from pets at home.. It was only after the birth of one litter and of course the immediate impregnantion of the female again (not that I knew about that at the time!) that I realised I was going to need more information. I bought every book I could lay my hands on and tried to sift the good info from the outdated and separated them as best I could. Unfortunately I mis sexed a daughter and she herself produced a daughter in turn. At that point I had them all living in their own cage so I could halt the unexpected new arrivals until I could better sex them.

Eventually I got the hang of things but at 11 or 12 it was quite a baptism of fire into the world of pigs! Having a supportive community would have been a godsend back then, and would have greatly improved my pigs first year of life. Luckily they all lived a long time so I had plenty of time to make up for the bumpy start. I try to keep in mind that often people are not intentionally being cruel or misled by other advice, so it's unfair to take frustrations out on others when I made similar mistakes at the start! :)
 
Dill&Pepper said:
Oh I completely understand why it is like it is, it’s more that I’m impressed that you keep it up day after day, and I’ve never really seen any of the frequent posters break ranks - it’s impressive!

I have enough self-control to back away from a thread where I’m thinking :rant:, but not enough to post something friendly and helpful to them and I’m in awe of those that do so again, and again, and again!



You misunderstand me if you think I’m talking about being “nasty and vile” to people. There’s a way to express negative opinions without being nasty, but I only ever see positivity here. Personally, there have been times in real life where people have given me a talking to about decisions (and not in a telling children off way - I’m far too old for that :D) and it’s been really helpful because I’m a very straight talker and don’t take it personally, but I can see it might scare people away on a fairly small forum like this.
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No no I wasn't meaning you specific, it was as @Kindness says a general remark. I fully agree with you that there are ways to express negative options without nastiness :)
 
Kindness said:
I completely understand where you are coming from, I think piggy slave was talking in general terms not about you xx
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:agr: I was speaking generally, certainly not about anyone specific and certainly nobody on this forum :)
 
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