I am so sorry to hear about your lovely piggy passing. I am in a similar place to you. My Monty passed away last Wednesday. He had arthritis and hadn't been able to walk for the last two months, I've been giving him a lot of care and he had good days and bad days. The bad days got more and more frequent though and it got to the point he was struggling to lift his head up on his bad days, and he was losing weight at a really fast rate because he didn't want to eat much. I made the decision to put him to sleep last Wednesday. He was actually having a good day, but I thought I would rather him go on a good day than when he was in pain/struggling. I feel so much guilt, I feel I should have kept fighting for him. I miss him so much, and working from home isn't helping as there are memories everywhere. The loss I feel is much greater than I ever thought it would be, for me the biggest pain is the weight of wanting to hold him again, it's almost unbearable.
The
@Wiebke post about dealing with bereavement is really helpful to understand the process, although no words can take the pain away at least it is reassuring to know that what you're feeling is totally normal and OK. I think it will be a long time for me to start feeling less pain about Monty's death, he was such a sweet, loving boy and over the last few months so much of my time has been filled with looking after him, keeping him clean and comfortable. This gave us an even stronger bond than before.
Like others have said, the more pain we feel the more we have loved, and how lucky we are to have the capacity to feel such unconditional love for such beautiful, loving animals. They are a gift and bring us so much joy and so many memories, but the other side of the coin is that when we lose them we lose a piece of our heart. They will always be with us though, held in our hearts and in our memories. My profile pic is a piggy who passed away over five years ago. I only had him for six months but he made a big impact, he was my first piggy. I thought I would never get over the loss. Over time the raw emotion did ease, and now when I remember him it tends to be happy memories, although I do still feel sad I didn't get more time with him. It took several weeks for the initial raw emotion and feeling of loss started to ease. Everyone is different and each bond is different though.
I'm sending you lots of love, I hope you start feeling a little better, day by day. There will be good days and bad days, little things can bring back a memory or an emotion. Our piggies were very lucky to have such loving owners, and we were very lucky to have them in our lives. Big hugs to you x