I failed my gorgeous piggie Kisses (Kissy)

[Butterflykelly]

I have decided to write a post on here about my gorgeous guinea pig who I lost yesterday evening called kisses. I mainly called her kissy I lot though. I just don't know how to cope with losing her because I feel like she died because I didn't get her help. She was fine on Tuesday and eating normally. I got her out about midday yesterday and she seemed a bit scared but because I had 6 piggies the week before I'd been away for a week and when I came home on the Monday evening I decided to get them all out together because I had tried it a few times before and no one had got hurt but out of all of them kisses always ran into the lounge and wanted to hide away cos one of my other piggies liked to chase her a lot. She didn't hurt her but I knew kisses was scared but I felt bad they had all been in for a week so decided to get them all out together til the following afternoon til there cages were clean. They had an enclosure in my bedroom and a chair and carrier in my lounge they would use as hides. The chair has a bath mat under it and the carrier is open with a fleece mat in it. She kept trying to hide in one of my dog beds too with her sister because she was more scared than normal. But knowing this I left them out together cos no one had been hurt and they had the free roam of my flat so I thought it would be ok. I worry all that fear weakened her heart or something. I said after that day I would just stick to getting them out 3 and 3 which is what I had been doing other than a few occasions. That's why yesterday when she seemed to be hiding a bit I thought she just might be thinking my 3 other piggies were out because I had just got them back in. Each place she moved to she was doing poos which were normal. I didn't have much veg yesterday because I was waiting for a shop to come in the evening so I gave them all broccoli and pepper. They had all started getting a bit fussy with chopped veg but when she didn't eat the broccoli I was concerned. I went out with my dad to get shavings I popped back with it cos he said to go round his for a bit after. I gave them all a biscuit treat but kisses wouldn't eat it. Her breathing looked faster than normal too but I thought she still looked quite alert still. I thought I will wait til my shop comes tonight and see if she eats her salad bags and if she wouldn't have done I was going to take her to the vets. I went to my dad's and got home just before 7.30. I tried to give her a bit of tomato I had she wouldn't eat it so I picked her up to cuddle her while I was waiting for shop. She was moving around a lot and I thought she was uncomfortable with me holding her so I took her back to her free roaming enclosure and she was dragging herself around and making lots of different movements I then knew she was dying and it was too late. She was like that for about 5 mins then she died. I never got a chance to try the salad bags cos the shop came literally just after she had died. I feel so responsible for not taking her to the vet in the day time but with my other piggies I have lost I took them and they ended up being pulled around and still died so I thought I would see how she was in evening rather than rushing there. I just know now if I'd have taken her in daytime maybe she would still be here and I just don't know how to cope with failing one of my bestest friends. Whatever I do is the wrong thing. I loved her so much and wish I'd have helped her. Her auntie and sister are really struggling without her especially her sister and its my fault. Sorry for the long post I'm just struggling to cope. This Is a picture of kisses on Monday in a playpen I'd bought to put in lounge as a present from my holiday so they could use that occasionally as well as there normal free roaming enclosure. She only ever got to use it once. I am so sad. Kisses is the cream one. She was so lovely. I am so heartbroken . Love you forever kisses. Sorry I let you down and you died because of it xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[h_and_piggies]

Sorry for your loss. You did everything you could for Kisses and she knew she was loved. Sleep tight Kisses x

 

[Bertie & Jelly]

I’m so sorry you lost Kissy. It’s natural to try and find an explanation when sometimes there just isn’t one. You clearly gave her much love. Sleep tight little Kisses

 

[DavRz]

Very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Kissy.

 

[Wiebke]

I have decided to write a post on here about my gorgeous guinea pig who I lost yesterday evening called kisses. I mainly called her kissy I lot though. I just don't know how to cope with losing her because I feel like she died because I didn't get her help. She was fine on Tuesday and eating normally. I got her out about midday yesterday and she seemed a bit scared but because I had 6 piggies the week before I'd been away for a week and when I came home on the Monday evening I decided to get them all out together because I had tried it a few times before and no one had got hurt but out of all of them kisses always ran into the lounge and wanted to hide away cos one of my other piggies liked to chase her a lot. She didn't hurt her but I knew kisses was scared but I felt bad they had all been in for a week so decided to get them all out together til the following afternoon til there cages were clean. They had an enclosure in my bedroom and a chair and carrier in my lounge they would use as hides. The chair has a bath mat under it and the carrier is open with a fleece mat in it. She kept trying to hide in one of my dog beds too with her sister because she was more scared than normal. But knowing this I left them out together cos no one had been hurt and they had the free roam of my flat so I thought it would be ok. I worry all that fear weakened her heart or something. I said after that day I would just stick to getting them out 3 and 3 which is what I had been doing other than a few occasions. That's why yesterday when she seemed to be hiding a bit I thought she just might be thinking my 3 other piggies were out because I had just got them back in. Each place she moved to she was doing poos which were normal. I didn't have much veg yesterday because I was waiting for a shop to come in the evening so I gave them all broccoli and pepper. They had all started getting a bit fussy with chopped veg but when she didn't eat the broccoli I was concerned. I went out with my dad to get shavings I popped back with it cos he said to go round his for a bit after. I gave them all a biscuit treat but kisses wouldn't eat it. Her breathing looked faster than normal too but I thought she still looked quite alert still. I thought I will wait til my shop comes tonight and see if she eats her salad bags and if she wouldn't have done I was going to take her to the vets. I went to my dad's and got home just before 7.30. I tried to give her a bit of tomato I had she wouldn't eat it so I picked her up to cuddle her while I was waiting for shop. She was moving around a lot and I thought she was uncomfortable with me holding her so I took her back to her free roaming enclosure and she was dragging herself around and making lots of different movements I then knew she was dying and it was too late. She was like that for about 5 mins then she died. I never got a chance to try the salad bags cos the shop came literally just after she had died. I feel so responsible for not taking her to the vet in the day time but with my other piggies I have lost I took them and they ended up being pulled around and still died so I thought I would see how she was in evening rather than rushing there. I just know now if I'd have taken her in daytime maybe she would still be here and I just don't know how to cope with failing one of my bestest friends. Whatever I do is the wrong thing. I loved her so much and wish I'd have helped her. Her auntie and sister are really struggling without her especially her sister and its my fault. Sorry for the long post I'm just struggling to cope. This Is a picture of kisses on Monday in a playpen I'd bought to put in lounge as a present from my holiday so they could use that occasionally as well as there normal free roaming enclosure. She only ever got to use it once. I am so sad. Kisses is the cream one. She was so lovely. I am so heartbroken . Love you forever kisses. Sorry I let you down and you died because of it xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi

BIG HUGS

I am ever so sorry for your loss. Guinea pigs are prey animals that are very good at suppressing symptoms until can be too late. Some sadly live with a genetic time bomb in their bodies that can go off at any time - it rather sounds to me like a major organ like the heart could have suddenly failed; the movements you are describing are a symptom of the heart/circulation failing and oxygen deprivation is setting in. They are very common in a natural dying process. We call this stage 'running to the Rainbow Bridge'. Thankfully, by that stage Kisses would have been mostly out of it. A sudden natural death out of the blue is actually not all that rare but it always comes as a total, devastating shock.

Once a piggy's body starts to close down there is nothing you or your vet can do. And there is also nothing you can do as an owner to prevent something like this from happening. It is quite simply not in our or your vet's control. Nature and biology are forces much bigger than we are.

As humans, we are wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves and to seek the cause and fault with ourselves, eve where it is not justified. We all suffer from strong strong feelings of guilt/failure/soul searching at the onset of the grieving process. They are in fact an expression of how deeply we love and care and not of failure. These feelings can get rather overwhelming and become a trap in your mind if you get hung up on them.

Please be kind with yourself. You have not failed Kisses and have given her good care and the stable social structure and identity that all piggies crave. That goes for the bottom piggy in a group as much as for the top piggy; they are both integral part of the social group that is at the centre of guinea pig wiring. Guinea pigs don't have a concept for an average life span; they measure their lives in happy todays in good care.

Try to take comfort that Kissy's death was actually fairly quick and comparatively gentle as these things go. She has not suffered for long and could leave from her familiar surroundings. Natural deaths are quite simply much more physical than the sanitised societal image allows but since we have lost many of the social and societal structures in the community, we often feel lost and helpless because we haven't got any preparation and find the experience very traumatising.

Please take the time to read these guides here to help yourself to make sense of what you have witnessed and the rather strange places that grieving takes us to. Grieving so much more than crying buckets...
Our Forum Staff and Forum Quirks Explained (Chapter 3 takes you through the natural dying process so you can hopefully put your experiences into a bit more of a perspective)

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children (this one is for you and any family of yours; it talks you in a very practical way through what to expect so you do not feel quite as lost at sea and left to be drowned. The guide also offers a range of suggestions how you can find ways to express your grief and help yourself.

If you find that you struggle to process and are trapped in a vicious circle of thoughts or have PTSD symptoms, please contact the free Blue Cross (UK animal charity) platforms for trained and confidential support. All our forum members who have tried it have come back with a positive experience. Support links for children are in the relevant chapter in our grieving guide.
Pet bereavement and pet loss

I hope that this helps you now and in the coming days and weeks. Kisses was a gorgeous and much loved girl, and she would have known that.

 

[Merab]

So sorry for your loss.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve.
Hugs

 

[Butterflykelly]

Hi

BIG HUGS

I am ever so sorry for your loss. Guinea pigs are prey animals that are very good at suppressing symptoms until can be too late. Some sadly live with a genetic time bomb in their bodies that can go off at any time - it rather sounds to me like a major organ like the heart could have suddenly failed; the movements you are describing are a symptom of the heart/circulation failing and oxygen deprivation is setting in. They are very common in a natural dying process. We call this stage 'running to the Rainbow Bridge'. Thankfully, by that stage Kisses would have been mostly out of it. A sudden natural death out of the blue is actually not all that rare but it always comes as a total, devastating shock.

Once a piggy's body starts to close down there is nothing you or your vet can do. And there is also nothing you can do as an owner to prevent something like this from happening. It is quite simply not in our or your vet's control. Nature and biology are forces much bigger than we are.

As humans, we are wired to reflect everything back onto ourselves and to seek the cause and fault with ourselves, eve where it is not justified. We all suffer from strong strong feelings of guilt/failure/soul searching at the onset of the grieving process. They are in fact an expression of how deeply we love and care and not of failure. These feelings can get rather overwhelming and become a trap in your mind if you get hung up on them.

Please be kind with yourself. You have not failed Kisses and have given her good care and the stable social structure and identity that all piggies crave. That goes for the bottom piggy in a group as much as for the top piggy; they are both integral part of the social group that is at the centre of guinea pig wiring. Guinea pigs don't have a concept for an average life span; they measure their lives in happy todays in good care.

Try to take comfort that Kissy's death was actually fairly quick and comparatively gentle as these things go. She has not suffered for long and could leave from her familiar surroundings. Natural deaths are quite simply much more physical than the sanitised societal image allows but since we have lost many of the social and societal structures in the community, we often feel lost and helpless because we haven't got any preparation and find the experience very traumatising.

Please take the time to read these guides here to help yourself to make sense of what you have witnessed and the rather strange places that grieving takes us to. Grieving so much more than crying buckets...
Our Forum Staff and Forum Quirks Explained (Chapter 3 takes you through the natural dying process so you can hopefully put your experiences into a bit more of a perspective)

Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children (this one is for you and any family of yours; it talks you in a very practical way through what to expect so you do not feel quite as lost at sea and left to be drowned. The guide also offers a range of suggestions how you can find ways to express your grief and help yourself.

If you find that you struggle to process and are trapped in a vicious circle of thoughts or have PTSD symptoms, please contact the free Blue Cross (UK animal charity) platforms for trained and confidential support. All our forum members who have tried it have come back with a positive experience. Support links for children are in the relevant chapter in our grieving guide.
Pet bereavement and pet loss

I hope that this helps you now and in the coming days and weeks. Kisses was a gorgeous and much loved girl, and she would have known that.

Thankyou so much for your very kind words and help. I will definitely look at the different links you have shared with me. Thanks for being so caring and making me feel a bit better about the choices i made. I just wish piggies didn't hide things until its too late. I just wish I could of saved her. I hope she does know how loved she was and always will be. Its so hard because all my family don't understand the loss of animals the way I do and they just tell me its part of life you just got to get on with it. If only it was that easy. They are our babies. I know they all live on in our hearts. Thanks to this forum I am made to feel not alone in my grief. It really does help. Thankyou so much for being so lovely to me I don't deserve it but thanks so much for your kind support. It means a lot

 

[munchmonster]

You are not alone when dealing with grief. Most of us on this forum have suffered the loss of one or more piggies but all deal with it in different ways. With every piggy of mine that has travelled to the rainbow bridge I have been inconsolable and blamed myself for missing something. The guides Wiebke has advised are well worth reading and I hope it will help you. Take heart that Kisses would know she was loved and cared for and she passed away at home.
There will be a piggy shaped hole in your heart right now but one day when the grief subsides happy memories will take that place.
Take care of yourself
Rest in Peace little one and popcorn free at the bridge

 

[Wiebke]

Thankyou so much for your very kind words and help. I will definitely look at the different links you have shared with me. Thanks for being so caring and making me feel a bit better about the choices i made. I just wish piggies didn't hide things until its too late. I just wish I could of saved her. I hope she does know how loved she was and always will be. Its so hard because all my family don't understand the loss of animals the way I do and they just tell me its part of life you just got to get on with it. If only it was that easy. They are our babies. I know they all live on in our hearts. Thanks to this forum I am made to feel not alone in my grief. It really does help. Thankyou so much for being so lovely to me I don't deserve it but thanks so much for your kind support. It means a lot

You do indeed deserve our support for your love and kind heart, as does everybody else. Don't ever think you are unworthy for feeling and thinking deeply, and for being a caring human! Having a nurturing soul is a great gift. Don't let others trample on it, put you down or callously use you or abuse you: they are showing themselves up for what kind of people they are. Stay true to your heart.

Pets and animals have feelings and personalities just like us. The more we learn about animals, the less we find that humans are actually special. My piggies are everyday people in their interactions and personalities to me; they are not just short-lived 'animals' just because they live their lives in fast-forward. Their society is as complex and diverse as a human society; just with some different rules as a result to how they adapt to the world they have evolved in and in which they are now living in but no less fascinating.

Many of us here share your experience; just see it as an expression of the deficit of a special love and enrichment in their lives - not yours. They are to be pitied and not you because they are the ones that are missing out on something very precious.

Yes, this deep love comes with deep grieving but on the bottom line the positives outweigh. There is also a hidden bonus in the grieving: it is the dark times that our roots grow deeper and that we become emotionally more mature and stronger; not in the good times. Even the pain you are learning to bear and process now will make you stronger as a person and it will come in handy when you have to deal with other losses throughout your life.