I Miss My Baby Icicle So Much. I Feel Like This Is My Fault.

Ruby Inferno

Ruby Inferno

Teenage Guinea Pig
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I love this photo of Icicle, she looks so contented and happy here <3

She was such a sweetie, and she loved using her nose to dig underneath bedding and hay. She'd often fall asleep buried under a pile of hay. Rest in peace my beautiful little angel, I will always love you.

Last week, I found my sweet little Icicle dead in her hutch. I blame myself because I should have kept a closer eye on her. In recent months I've felt very depressed, so I've paid less attention to my piggies. I think Icicle was taking longer to come out of her bed than normal in the days leading up to her death, and I think the water bottle was also being depleted more than usual, but I just didn't really take note of it like I should have at the time. I also haven't spent much time with the piggies recently. I feel absolutely awful. I feel like this was my fault. If I'd properly noticed these signs, maybe I could have taken her to the vet and saved her. I wish I'd spent more time with her and given her cuddles in the last days/hours of her life.

I don't think she had been dead for very long when I discovered her, and she looked to be a healthy weight. And there were no bald spots in her fur or anything. I hope she didn't suffer :(

She was only 3 years old. Her sister seems to be coping okay, but I am worried about her.

Also, I moved her and her sister into a hutch outdoors about 3 or 4 months ago. Recently, it's been quite damp, and the tarpaulin has partially blown off a couple of times, allowing some rain to seep into the hutch, resulting in some mildew on the ceiling in the corner. I'm worried that may have affected her health? I don't think it was there for very long, and it's since been cleaned thoroughly.

I can't stop crying and I don't know how to handle this. Am I an awful person?
 
It is only natural to blame yourself and look back and "'what if" it's part of the grieving process. As @Flutterby has said it's not your fault. Piggies do totter off to the Rainbow Bridge when they are ready. She knew she was loved and will be much missed and you are not a awful person. Have a hug cos you need one. :hug:
 
I totally agree with @Flutterby and @Betsy. I fully understand that you regret certain things but it is not your fault. If you did not love /care about her, you don't look back and regret. Just stop blaming yourself and look at your Icicle on the photo - she knew you loved her, and would love her forever. Hug to you. To Icicle, have fun at the rainbow bridge.
 
So sorry for your loss. Blaming ourselves is a natural part of grief so please be gentle and kind to yourself. Take heed of what the others have said- it wasn’t your fault.
 
As the others have said blaming yourself is part of the grief. You did nothing wrong and I hope you will gradually come to accept that. Sending you and your other piggy hugs.
RIP sweet Icicle.
 
1. No you are not an awful person.

Simple as that but what you are is a bereaved person and part of the grieving process is going through all the "what it's" and dealing with guilt. We have all done it with losing piggies. I took a piggy to have an abscess removed and it was the size of a golf ball but deep seated so took a while before it was noticeable from handling/checking him. He didn't survive the operation but I still sent through all the guilt from not noticing it early enough even through to I shouldn't have had the operation (seriously though without the op the abscess would have killed him!).

Try not to be too harsh on yourself. Give yourself time to grieve and sooner or later you will come to acceptance that Icicle had the best care possible and passed knowing she was loved
 
I agree with everyone above, I am so very sorry for your loss, please do not blame yourself. Huge hugs

Sleep well little one
RIP Icicle
x x
 
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