I’d only had him since Tuesday.

Cryptillian

Cryptillian

Junior Guinea Pig
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New Hampshire, USA
I work at an exotic vet and we often have situations where owners cannot afford to keep their pet alive and has to euthanize, we got one of those cases Tuesday. Baloo, a 2 year old boy with one big stone, he was being fed improperly but was otherwise healthy. When I saw him I completely fell in love, he was the sweetest boy and I feel like I’ve known him forever in just these couple days. His owner surrendered him to me and I planned to do whatever it took to get him better. After 2 nights of only 1 hour of sleep I managed to get him out of GI stasis but then suddenly he started acting more painful, crying, straining. Within a couple hours he was refusing to chew his CC. I brought him into work and we took X-rays immediately, his stone had moved into his urethra and was far too big, the chances of flushing it back into the bladder would be extremely slim to none. I was trying to keep him stable so we could do surgery, I have had a stone pig before who was in even worse shape (he was 7) and he did ok on pain management until surgery day, everyone told me he would be ok to wait, and I guess most of the time you assume that, that you have time, and I guess I didn’t.

Our chief veterinarian recommended euthanasia, even if I brought him to the ER for surgery the chances of it being successful, of him having a good quality of life after, she said it didn’t look good. I had a hard time agreeing to letting him go right away, I thought about just blowing all my savings to see if I could save him, but I finally decided to let him go.

I feel this overwhelming horrible guilt for just prolonging this, for giving the previous owner false hope, for putting him through so much stress of being in a new home and all these poked and medications just for him to have to pass away anyways. I feel guilty for not just bringing him to an ER the day I got him, or calling around to see if he could be seen sooner somewhere else, I would’ve paid for it, but I thought he was going to be ok and he could wait a few more days. It just all happened so fast and I don’t know how to even process anything. I was sobbing so much at work I had to leave, I cried so hard in the car I almost had to pull over because I couldn’t see through my tears.

I wanted him to live so badly, I’ve had so much loss and I finally opened up my heart to another pig again after losing Pumba who was also a stone pig, and I think that’s apart of why I did it. I couldn’t save my other boys from age, cancer, heart issues, but maybe I could save this guy. I just thought it would all work out, I was so excited, I felt so happy to have him and he was so sweet, he cuddled with me all day and he loved chin rubs and he really liked curling up in blankets and I don’t know how a pet I only had a couple days could hit me this hard but I feel so horrible in every way, I miss him so much, I don’t know what to do with myself.

I keep thinking about how if I had never taken him maybe all this pain of losing him, the pain he dealt with, it wouldn’t have had to happen, I feel like I did something selfish in taking him, but I just truly thought I would be saving his life. I guess it could’ve easily gone right just as well, but it didn’t, and I don’t know how to cope with it. I just needed to share to people who understand because nobody in my life does.
 
Cryptillian said:
I work at an exotic vet and we often have situations where owners cannot afford to keep their pet alive and has to euthanize, we got one of those cases Tuesday. Baloo, a 2 year old boy with one big stone, he was being fed improperly but was otherwise healthy. When I saw him I completely fell in love, he was the sweetest boy and I feel like I’ve known him forever in just these couple days. His owner surrendered him to me and I planned to do whatever it took to get him better. After 2 nights of only 1 hour of sleep I managed to get him out of GI stasis but then suddenly he started acting more painful, crying, straining. Within a couple hours he was refusing to chew his CC. I brought him into work and we took X-rays immediately, his stone had moved into his urethra and was far too big, the chances of flushing it back into the bladder would be extremely slim to none. I was trying to keep him stable so we could do surgery, I have had a stone pig before who was in even worse shape (he was 7) and he did ok on pain management until surgery day, everyone told me he would be ok to wait, and I guess most of the time you assume that, that you have time, and I guess I didn’t.

Our chief veterinarian recommended euthanasia, even if I brought him to the ER for surgery the chances of it being successful, of him having a good quality of life after, she said it didn’t look good. I had a hard time agreeing to letting him go right away, I thought about just blowing all my savings to see if I could save him, but I finally decided to let him go.

I feel this overwhelming horrible guilt for just prolonging this, for giving the previous owner false hope, for putting him through so much stress of being in a new home and all these poked and medications just for him to have to pass away anyways. I feel guilty for not just bringing him to an ER the day I got him, or calling around to see if he could be seen sooner somewhere else, I would’ve paid for it, but I thought he was going to be ok and he could wait a few more days. It just all happened so fast and I don’t know how to even process anything. I was sobbing so much at work I had to leave, I cried so hard in the car I almost had to pull over because I couldn’t see through my tears.

I wanted him to live so badly, I’ve had so much loss and I finally opened up my heart to another pig again after losing Pumba who was also a stone pig, and I think that’s apart of why I did it. I couldn’t save my other boys from age, cancer, heart issues, but maybe I could save this guy. I just thought it would all work out, I was so excited, I felt so happy to have him and he was so sweet, he cuddled with me all day and he loved chin rubs and he really liked curling up in blankets and I don’t know how a pet I only had a couple days could hit me this hard but I feel so horrible in every way, I miss him so much, I don’t know what to do with myself.

I keep thinking about how if I had never taken him maybe all this pain of losing him, the pain he dealt with, it wouldn’t have had to happen, I feel like I did something selfish in taking him, but I just truly thought I would be saving his life. I guess it could’ve easily gone right just as well, but it didn’t, and I don’t know how to cope with it. I just needed to share to people who understand because nobody in my life does.
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HUGE HUGS

I am so sorry that it all went pear-shaped for you and your gorgeous boy.

Please try to take comfort in that Baloo could make his journey to the Rainbow Bridge pain-free, surrounded by your love. You have fought so hard but urethral stones in boars, especially when they are so big and coming right on top of causing GI stasis already, are not odds that you can fight. Baloo would have sadly died with whoever he would have ended up with. You and your vet did entirely the right thing.

Sadly, in hindsight it was already too late when he was surrendered - and that is not something anybody could have known and definitely not something in your own control. :(

Not your fault at all that the poor boy has picked one of the shortest straws in the cosmic lottery of bad luck. You were trying your very best to give Baloo that happy ever after that he so amply deserved - please hold onto that. If your love, compassion and determination was all that was needed, you would have succeeded. :( :( :(

I am so sorry for your shock and for the traumatising circumstances of your loss. So often, it is the piggies we have a special bond with that we lose early - although rarely as soon as you.

Please be very sad and hope that you and Baloo will meet again in another life but try not to beat yourself up about what was not in your control and what was not foreseeable. As humans, we reflect everything back onto ourselves but how much is actually an expression of how deeply we care and how hurt we are and not an expression of having done anything wrong.

Please give yourself time to not be OK for a little while because you are traumatised by the shocking developments of the last few days but seek help if you cannot get out of your current mind loop trap and struggle to sleep or function.
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

My thoughts are with you.
 
Oh my word how awful for you I believe that he would have felt that love in the few days he was with you and that love guided him peacefully as he crossed The Rainbow Bridge 🌈
 
So sorry to hear this. I agree with CTWC, he would have felt your love and care, it sounds like he felt safe with you, which to a prey animal means a lot. Don't feel guilty - you were only trying to give him a chance, which is so compassionate, and you did everything you could, but sadly it wasn't to be. You sound like a really caring person. It's so hard, especially when you've had other traumatic losses and you desperately want this one to turn out differently, which is understandable. And he sounds like such a sweet boy too, he melted your heart. Give yourself time to come to terms with this, but don't feel bad about caring deeply for an animal, it is so clear that you only wanted the best for him.
 
I’m so sorry to read this - you gave Baloo a chance and it was just his time to go
I think you would feel the same if you hadnt tried to save him …wondering what if / did I do the right thing etc
Sometimes special souls come into our lives and may be there for a long time or a short time but leave a lasting effect
You are heartbroken
Baloo knew he was loved and cared for and that means everything
Take care of you …we understand and are here for you
Popcorn freely dear Baloo , pain free and meeting all the other piggies art RB ❤️
 
I just keep playing back in my head why I didn’t bring him to the ER last night when things started to go downhill, I started selling some things at 3am because I planned on bringing him to the ER this afternoon after work and I was willing to pay 2-3k to save him, I knew one ER that I could get it done for range (which is low for emergency) but their exotic vet wouldn’t be in to do it until 8am. In my head I thought because he was still dribbling small amounts of pee at that point before I took like 2 hours to sleep, I thought I had time and I could get him pain meds and fluids at work to get him by, and now I feel so stupid. I feel so stupid and guilty over it because I should’ve known how urgent it was. I was just in such denial. I keep wondering if he’d be here if I just did it right away when I got him just to be safe instead of waiting for our next surgery day. I was going to assist with his surgery and recover him and I felt more comfortable knowing I could be there. It was so late last night when he started to go downhill and I had only slept a couple hours the past two days cause I was so focused on him and keeping his gut moving, and I feel like my judgement was bad and I screwed up. I don’t know how to get over that feeling. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast, I don’t know.

I just miss him so much, I missed having pigs so badly and he made me so happy even though it was so short. There’s so many points in which there’s patients where we have to euthanize even though they could be saved either because someone can’t afford it or doesn’t want to do anything, and normally I put everything aside because I can’t take every single one, I can’t save everyone. This is the first time I’ve done this after being there for a year and a half because he felt special.

Thank you all for the kind words and for the space to express these things, I just wish everything worked out so badly. I’m tired of all the heartbreak, and I’ve been emotionally drained from seeing so many small animals that could get better or where it was so preventable have to pass away, I just wanted this time to be different so badly. I adopted a hamster who died prematurely from cancer last year, and I have just felt so out of control with losing my pets and not being able to do anything, I thought this time I could, and once again the universe had other plans.
 
You did the very best you could. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try it just doesn't pay off.

I've had to learn (for my sanity) that all we can do is give them all the love and care possible while we can, and that is the goodness of it, not the outcome.
 
Only just caught up with this.
So very sorry to read this.
You ensured that Baloo was loved in his last days and that is important for a guinea pig.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve.
 
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