I'm having a hard time with Leela's cancer diagnosis (triggers about terminally ill piggie)

Freela

Freela

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Yesterday we were informed that Leela, our 5.5-year-old piggie, has terminal cancer. She was misdiagnosed with enlarged kidneys in Jan of 2021... we were told there wasn't any surgical treatment, that we should take her home and make the most of it. We did that for about 1.5 years, until this weekend after she started having urinary symptoms we saw a vet and she was formally diagnosed with actually an ovarian tumor that is quite large and beginning to affect her other organs. We opted to take her home on palliative measures. She's on a powerful painkiller, we are monitoring her closely to see if she is eating and drinking and behaving happily... if any of this changes we will have her put to sleep, as we absolutely do not want her to suffer. But right now we are just trying to enjoy as much time as we can with her. The painkillers are obviously helping, as she is deceptively 'normal.' Watching her climbing up the bars mooching for treats, it is so hard to believe that she's dying. I'm not sleeping at night because I keep feeling like I need to check on her (my kids are not little anymore but I still don't want them to be the one who finds her if she passes overnight.) I keep going to bed around midnight, waking up around 3 a.m., and then checking Leela and sleeping on the couch the rest of the night. Every time I come downstairs to see her I have this heavy dread in my heart that she's gone. I am enjoying the time with her (and she is enjoying all the quality pats and treats) but the anticipation of knowing that her dying is hanging over my head is giving me and some of the kids severe anxiety. The prognosis is pretty open... the vet has said that there is really no way to know. She could take a sudden turn and pass away tonight. She could hang in there a few weeks on painkillers. She could pass on her own. She could get really painful and need to be PTS. The combination of certainty/uncertainty of outcome is really hard (we know she's dying, but we don't know exactly when or exactly how.) I don't want to rob her of enjoyable days, but I am doubting my own ability to cope with this if she does hold her own for another week or more. I'm just really sad, but even more than that I'm anxious and not handling it well. I just needed to vent, most of the people I know in real life are sympathetic because they know my as 'that crazy piggie lady' but it's hard to discuss your guinea pig's terminal cancer diagnosis with people who just don't 'get' that experience even if they are sympathetic because they just don't get why you're so upset about a guinea pig.
 
I know how you feel. It's a horrible situation and the uncertainty of it is hard to handle and a massive stress for you and your family.
Unfortunately that's a phase you have to go through. :(

You're grieving for your sweet girl even though she is still there and you're probably playing the what-if-game, which you shouldn't do.
You have given Leela great 1.5 years. And that's what counts for your sweet girl.
Your giving her pain medication now and at the moment she seems to be during fine.

If Leela would have been operated on 1.5 years ago, there is a fair chance that she wouldn't be around today. So you could also look at the situaton from the point of view that she had the chance to live happy 1.5 years.

I know it's heartbreaking, but try to enjoy her last days. You will notice when the pain medication doesn't work any more. I nearly always had to take my piggies to the vet for the very last time.
I know it probably sounds strange, but in a situation like your's I'm more afraid of find my piggy in a situation she can't handle any more at a time when no vet is available.
It can be her last gift to you if she passes on her own - and it's your last gift of love to her that you will know when it's time to help her on her was to the bridge.

Take care!
 
Viennese Furbabies said:
I know how you feel. It's a horrible situation and the uncertainty of it is hard to handle and a massive stress for you and your family.
Unfortunately that's a phase you have to go through. :(

You're grieving for your sweet girl even though she is still there and you're probably playing the what-if-game, which you shouldn't do.
You have given Leela great 1.5 years. And that's what counts for your sweet girl.
Your giving her pain medication now and at the moment she seems to be during fine.

If Leela would have been operated on 1.5 years ago, there is a fair chance that she wouldn't be around today. So you could also look at the situaton from the point of view that she had the chance to live happy 1.5 years.

I know it's heartbreaking, but try to enjoy her last days. You will notice when the pain medication doesn't work any more. I nearly always had to take my piggies to the vet for the very last time.
I know it probably sounds strange, but in a situation like your's I'm more afraid of find my piggy in a situation she can't handle any more at a time when no vet is available.
It can be her last gift to you if she passes on her own - and it's your last gift of love to her that you will know when it's time to help her on her was to the bridge.

Take care!
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Thanks, that does help. I think it's just going through the uncertainties. Right now she is happy on pain meds, getting lots of treats and pats. You're right that we will know when the pain meds don't work anymore. I've got absolutely no illusions that when she's not enjoying life anymore it's time to let her go if she doesn't go on her own first. I think it's just a lot of uncertainty and a lot of 'what ifs' but I do feel better about things today than I did yesterday when I wrote this. Just kind of a roller coaster of emotion in the first few days after getting the diagnosis.
 
Just to add, I think it's also hard that I'm a pet person and my husband is not. He just doesn't interact with the pets, he doesn't know them, he doesn't care about them the way that I do. He feels bad the kids and I feel bad, but he doesn't actually feel bad. We've actually had lots of conflict around the death of other pets just because he is not particularly sensitive to other peoples' feelings... he's learned now to be quiet and just say 'sorry' but I have a hard time accepting any emotional support from someone who doesn't even pretend that he ever cared about the pet we lost. It makes me feel like I'm taking care of Leels and supporting the kids and no one is supporting me.
 
I’m so sorry. I can’t say anything that will make it all better but know I’m thinking of you and sending you hugs. ❤️
 
I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. It’s tough when you are given the news that the condition is terminal but you’ve no idea how long they have left. In this situation (and I’ve also been there several times, too) I just take each day as it comes and take my cue from the piggy. She will let you know when she’s had enough. Sadly we just can’t predict when that will be. I know that the uncertainty as to what may happen and when can be hard to take. So I just try to remain in the present and focus on just one day at a time (sometimes just one hour at a time). I’m sorry you don’t feel well supported at home. Some humans just aren’t hard wired to feel the same way about pets as we do. But remember that as a forum of dedicated animal lovers we are here to support you. Big hugs x
 
In my experience when a piggy has had enough you'll be able to tell because she'll look increasingly rough and eventually may start to move away from the others and isolate herself. If she's still loving life - and what a long, full life she's had - she's doing good. Cancer or no, she'd probably be on the home stretch at that age and to be honest she could suddenly go of something else like a heart attack. It'll take you some time to adjust to the knowledge of her condition but actually the only difference it's made to her is positive in that she's got her meds. You're thinking of her as 'dying' because she's got cancer - but she's had cancer for ages and she's not been dying all that time. She's been living, just living her piggy life, and like the song says it aint over 'till it's over.

Don't be frightened of finding she's gone in the night. When I unexpectedly found my robust old girl sprawled out one morning with half-eaten hay still in her mouth I knew it must have been quick and she was munching right up to the end. Her cage mate just hopped over her to get her morning cucumber! If only all mine could have gone this way I'd consider myself very lucky, but actually she was the exception.

I'm sorry you can't find more support from hubs - the tribe needs all sorts of personalities. My two kids have looked to me to learn how to react about these things and in truth when the first piggy was lost they were still quite young, we'd had him as an old boy for less than a year and we knew about his condition when he arrived. It helped also that he was a big eater (Hungry Harvey) and he always looked like he was smiling so he actually had the expression of a really happy pig! They didn't mind that he was pts but they'd been worried on the evening he went because he'd started fitting and they didn't want him to be sad. If you can reassure your kids that your sadness is anticipating the loss of Leela but that Leela isn't actually sad at all because she thinks about things in a different way to how people do it might help the anxious ones.

Take care of yourself. I read somewhere on here once that it hurts because we give them a little piece of our heart and they take it with them when they go. Your pain is a measure of how much you love her and she'll know that you do 💕
 
I’m so sorry you are going through such a hard time, sending virtual hugs :hug:it’s hard going watching a piggie slowly weaken and knowing they are not going to get better and not getting emotional support from your hubby. This makes it harder still. You will always find support from us piggie mad lot here though so always come on here if you need help x
 
I'm sorry that your husband isn't really supportive. I'm a single piggy mum, so all the hard decisions are always up to me. Sometimes that's really hard and I understand that you wish that your husband would take part of the burden.

I'm lucky to have friends who love piggies, but that's not the same, because in the end no one can make the final decision. And I'm usually the one to give advice and support to others.
But no matter how hard the hard times are, I can't count how many times the little fur potatoes make me laugh.
 
So sorry for the diagnosis you’ve had for Leela.
You started grieving as soon as you were given the news.
I’m sorry the burden is all on you but we are here to support you for however long you need.
Make lots of happy todays for Leela, create happy memories, take extra pictures as this will help you through the grieving now and when Leela does slip away.
Holding you in my heart ♥️
 
Thanks everyone, it means a lot. I had several good cries today... the good news is that Leela herself seems to be feeling pretty good on her pain meds, she was up begging for treats on the bars today! She gets meds twice a day, so every morning I sit her on my lap for about an hour, give her some treats, pats, snuggles, and then her meds... then I do the same at nighttime. My kids make sure that they come and give her pats too so that if this is the last time, they have that memory of loving her up. The vet called to see how she was doing on the pain meds and I was able to tell them that she's doing as well as can be expected... it still eating, is moving around a lot more, is not breathing heavy like she was when she was uncomfortable, and has stopped being wet underneath (maybe because she is being more mobile.) They said that they can renew the meds if needed without me having to bring her back in, so if she does make it more than a couple of weeks I won't have to stress her out by taking her back to the vet to get more pain meds. So that's good.

One thing I thought of doing was I took a video of her making the 'happy noise' she makes when we pat her... I find all the guinea pigs have their own unique little voice and this is something I never really thought to do with my other pigs where I realized they were getting up there, but didn't have a real diagnostic warning that time was short. That way I will not only have a lot of pics of her over the years, I will also have a recording of her little voice chatting away like she does every time we pat her. I think in time I'll be really happy to have that.
 
Free Ranger said:
In my experience when a piggy has had enough you'll be able to tell because she'll look increasingly rough and eventually may start to move away from the others and isolate herself. If she's still loving life - and what a long, full life she's had - she's doing good. Cancer or no, she'd probably be on the home stretch at that age and to be honest she could suddenly go of something else like a heart attack. It'll take you some time to adjust to the knowledge of her condition but actually the only difference it's made to her is positive in that she's got her meds. You're thinking of her as 'dying' because she's got cancer - but she's had cancer for ages and she's not been dying all that time. She's been living, just living her piggy life, and like the song says it aint over 'till it's over.

Don't be frightened of finding she's gone in the night. When I unexpectedly found my robust old girl sprawled out one morning with half-eaten hay still in her mouth I knew it must have been quick and she was munching right up to the end. Her cage mate just hopped over her to get her morning cucumber! If only all mine could have gone this way I'd consider myself very lucky, but actually she was the exception.

I'm sorry you can't find more support from hubs - the tribe needs all sorts of personalities. My two kids have looked to me to learn how to react about these things and in truth when the first piggy was lost they were still quite young, we'd had him as an old boy for less than a year and we knew about his condition when he arrived. It helped also that he was a big eater (Hungry Harvey) and he always looked like he was smiling so he actually had the expression of a really happy pig! They didn't mind that he was pts but they'd been worried on the evening he went because he'd started fitting and they didn't want him to be sad. If you can reassure your kids that your sadness is anticipating the loss of Leela but that Leela isn't actually sad at all because she thinks about things in a different way to how people do it might help the anxious ones.

Take care of yourself. I read somewhere on here once that it hurts because we give them a little piece of our heart and they take it with them when they go. Your pain is a measure of how much you love her and she'll know that you do 💕
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That's actually really helpful and true. She has been living with cancer for ages and doing pretty well. The only negative difference for us is that now we know this and have to process it... the only difference for her is actually positive because now she has pain meds and probably feels much better than she has been feeling in the weeks leading up to her being obviously unwell.

I do know what you mean about when they pass on their own... one of our hamsters was really, REALLY active, even into her old age, and one evening we found her passed away, literally like she was running around and just dropped. She must have had a stroke or heart attack or something. It was the best possible way for her to go, especially since she was always so busy and athletic and it would have been hard for her to go through a phase of being really infirm and not being able to do things anymore. She went out like an 80-year-old who just dropped dead in the middle of a jog, and it was definitely a blessing.
 
Freela said:
That's actually really helpful and true. She has been living with cancer for ages and doing pretty well. The only negative difference for us is that now we know this and have to process it... the only difference for her is actually positive because now she has pain meds and probably feels much better than she has been feeling in the weeks leading up to her being obviously unwell.

I do know what you mean about when they pass on their own... one of our hamsters was really, REALLY active, even into her old age, and one evening we found her passed away, literally like she was running around and just dropped. She must have had a stroke or heart attack or something. It was the best possible way for her to go, especially since she was always so busy and athletic and it would have been hard for her to go through a phase of being really infirm and not being able to do things anymore. She went out like an 80-year-old who just dropped dead in the middle of a jog, and it was definitely a blessing.
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that’s the way most of us would like to go too x
 
Freela said:
It makes me feel like I'm taking care of Leels and supporting the kids and no one is supporting me.
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Freela said:
We will support you x I know it's not in person but emotional support is good however it comes to you and that's what forums like this are brilliant for. Because we all get it. We've all been there before.
I totally understand that feeling of dread. It chips away at you day by day. But when a pet dies suddenly you get all that pain in one huge dose. I'm not sure which is worse. Once the emotional storm has passed you will be better able to remember the years and years of happy memories.
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