Thanks so much. It does definately help. I'm
Sorry you’ve had to experience so much hurt...but you’ve learned so much about how to support them on their terms. All of your piggies were so lucky to have you
I sometimes forgot that Leroy was a prey animal because he was so confident and loving. But I know that they do like to be alone when they go to the next place. Of course we feel like we’ve abandoned them or we feel guilty for now being there .. It’s just human nature like you say.. what we would want and what our piggies want is very different. And it really is like they wait for us to go before they can move on.
I have some comfort in knowing that he went on his own terms in his own home.
I’ve been doing okay until this evening.. I’m on holiday and I’ve just had a wave of sadness out of nowhere. That’s how grief can be though isn’t it. I had a call from the vets the day we left to say Leroy’s ashes were back.. and I felt awful that I was unable to get him and bring him home. Luckily the vet nurse, who always supported me with Leroy.. and who has become a friend .. kindly took him to her home.. it sounds silly, but it made me feel better that he’s with someone who understands. It’s just so sad.
I know that grieving is a process and eventually it won’t hurt as much.. I just miss my boy so much.
All of the comments really help. And I’m so greatful to all of you.
BIG HUGS
I am so sorry that you got mugged in Memory Lane at the thought of returning to an empty home without Leroy. It really brings your loss home in full with all the force of a punch into your gut.
It is one of those situational triggers that you cannot brace for and that can really rip open the barely scabbed over wounds. And yes, there will be more of them.
They will become less frequent and severe over time although that is not a straight curve and occasionally it can catch you out really badly later on but it does overall get easier as you get more used to Leroy no longer being there.
The most painful time overall is learning to live without Leroy and to arrange your daily routine without him being there physically anymore because of all the little ways you have connected with him that you don't think about and can only find the hard way.
If you wish, you could think of getting a dish and buying a box of marbles. Put a marble in the dish whenever you really miss Leroy as an expression of how much you love him and continue to love him. Send him a loving thought at the Bridge each time you place a marble in the dish.
Or get a plant pot and a bag of sunflower seeds and push a new seed into the soil each time - or do it outside in the garden. Nasturtiums would also work well.
It is so lovely that the nurse has taken Leroy home with her so that his physical remains are not just hanging around forgotten until you come home again.
Try to enjoy your holiday as much as you can and try to focus on the sensual enrichment of what you are doing at the moment to find a kind of calm and strength in it.