Losing Harry

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Tabybim

Tabybim

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over 2 years ago I lost my 2 year old baby , Harry , this is the first time I've really been able to talk about it even though quite a bit of time has passed. His ashes are still in my mums room cos I still can't bear to look at them. Harry was a very special pig, I got him after my first pig , a lethal white called, Patrick died at 4 yrs old and I never thought I'd love another pig the way I loved pat . When I saw Harry I fell in love with him instantly , he was the largest and gingerest of 4 or 5 babies and my sisters thought I was mad for choosing him when there were so many other tinier , cuter pigs there . I only had eyes for him to me he couldn't have been more perfect. He was very timid and sensitive when I first got him home and liked to sleep in the sleeve of a fleece top or wrapped tightly in a blanket, but we bonded quickly . He loved nothing more than cuddles and sleeping ( often upside down) in one of his blankets , he never ran when I went to pick him up and he purred at practicly everything , from the phone ringing, a knock on the door or if someone laughed. I can honestly say he was the perfect pig ! Gentle , loving but a bit clingy , he'd only cuddle with me or my mum, once when my sister was holding him I walked past and he just made a leap for me , luckily I had quick reflexes and caught him which incited much purring and snuggling from him. I always knew he was a bit different to other pigs , more fragile . He was blind and partially deaf and I worried about him a lot . He was with me all the time ! One weekend I noticed his breathing sounded a bit funny , nothing really noticeable , but because I spent so much time with him I could pick up on the slightest change. My brother thought I was being too over protective and said it was nothing. I knew different . Next day he went to the vets who also said he was fine just a bit over weight , but my mind wasn't put at rest something still felt wrong . That night I bearly slept , constantly getting up to check on him( I keep my pigs in my bedroom). His breathing was still odd but he was eating , drinking and sleeping so I went back to bed , something I'll always regret. When I woke next morning I looked straight into his cage from my bed I could see something was wrong , he looked strange , and he wasn't settled . I jumped out of bed and took him out of his cage . He couldn't breathe . He was gasping and I didn't know what to do . I've never felt so helpless and so guilty . I was hysterical by the time my mum and sister came into my room so they rushed him to the vet while I waited at home . It felt like they were gone forever. When they got back they said the vet had put Harry on oxygen and thought he'd be okay , I let myself have hope! But a few minutes later the phone rang it was the vet who was in tears , she said Harry had been without oxygen too long and was brain dead I had to decide there and then without ever seeing my boy again to have him put to sleep. I'll never get over losing Harry and I'll always feel guilty because he trusted me and I let him down. Sorry this post is so long , but I felt it was time to tell Harry's story however difficult , he deserves that much!
 
Harry sounds like an absolute sweetheart. I'm so sorry that his departing was so traumatic for you. But you weren't to blame in any way. You found your wee man in a collapsed state and got him emergency help. Sadly they can't all be saved but you did your best for him. Please try to remember all the good times you had with him. Do you have any photos of him at his glorious best to share with us?
 
I am really sorry for your loss. please know that you had no blame at all. You loved your little piggy so much and did all you could. He had a wonderful life with you remember that.

Sleep well little one

RIP Harry
x x
 
What a touching description of the pig that stole your heart. The fact you feel like you do shows how you could never have let him down.
 
You didn't let Harry down, you gave him lots of love and when he needed it vet treatment. No one can do more than that. They leave such big holes in our hearts when they leave us these little furries.
 
Sometimes when something is traumatising and you feel there is something else that could have been done it can take a long time to feel like you can talk about it or even start to accept it.
I completely blamed myself for the death of my first Syrian hamster, and she was special to me too. Absolutely adored her. It turned out to be lack of knowledge on both myself and the vet's part, I believe.
Anyhow I was gutted and so guilty.
With yourself however I can see it really wasn't anything that you did or didn't do. It sounds like one of Harry's organs failed him and there can be many reasons for this. He could have had a fit, heart failure, an internal cancer or anything else that quite possibly resulted in heart failure and/or a fit. When you found him it is likely that his body was already shutting down from something that you couldn't possibly have known about until it was already too late. It is sometimes the case when they look just a little ill for a day or two and then all at once they are shutting down and it's too late. You did the right thing. You took him to the vet and nothing major could be detected at that time. There were no specific symptoms for your vet to work on.
Even if you had stayed up with him that night it really does sound like things would spiralled down for him no matter how quickly you acted.
With him being blind and partly deaf I do think it is entirely likely that this was not the only issue he had, and some issues, especially heart problems, can stay well hidden until the organ in question suddenly fails.

I had piggies die suddenly too, and certainly with one it very much appeared to be a heart attack whilst she was still young. Another had a bleed but then appeared to be fine afterwards and the vet investigated and found nothing wrong. We felt that she may have passed a bladder stone ( a hard lump of calcium that can sometimes build up and needs to be passed out or removed. These can be painful when they pass out naturally and can cause a little bleed). She was active and eating well and totally her usual self. One morning I left for work after giving her a treat (she seemed fine and enthusiastic) and when I got home she was dying. Like Harry, she was gasping for air as her body was shutting down. She then had a fit and died.

Mine is not the only story, there are many of us here who's piggies have suddenly died, and quite often in these cases we are left wondering what went wrong, if there is anything we could have noticed, if we should have asked the vet to check for this or that instead of a general examination, if there was something we did wrong.

In reality it really is just sadly something that happens to some piggies, with little to no warning, with nothing that could prevent it.

It breaks the heart, and we miss them. It does get easier, but it can be hard for some time. We are all here and although we all feel loss and grief a little differently to each other, we do understand the pain.

Please know that you loved and cared for him and he loved you back. He knew that you loved him, he was relaxed and happy with you. You did right by him and his life was good. We cannot choose how long our furry companions stay with us, but when we give them a good life it counts for everything for them. He had a good life, and it was you who made that happen for him. You are responsible for the good in his life and you were right there for him all the through from the moment he came home with you. That is the very best that any of us can do and in itself is a great thing. Please don't ever feel bad about what happened, but feel good about giving him such a good life and making him feel safe and loved. :hug:
 
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