Yesterday, January 3rd I lost my sweetest baby boy Mika.
My heart is completely shattered. He would have been 4 next month on February 12th. I so desperately wanted him to make his 4th birthday. On him and his brothers 2nd birthday, I cried that they could be half or a quarter through their life. Little did I know I'd fall short of 2 precious years left with him.
In June 2022, Mika developed issues with his molars. After local vets didn't pick this up, we went on our travels to Northampton to see Simon, who I am eternally grateful for. Without him, I wouldn't have had Mika even until now. But this time it was getting too much for my poor boy, each time his symptoms would come on faster, with new symptoms, weight loss would happen faster, and after last seeing Simon on December 7th, we were told that because of the angle his teeth now were, it is getting very difficult and there may not be much more he can do. With this information i knew my baby had limited earthly time, but I didn't believe for a minute it wouldn't even be a month.
I feel so lonely. I made that decision to have him PTS. I want to talk about him all day and night, but I have no one. I miss him. After he got poorly, I'm sure he realised how much I love him and he knew I took him to get better, because he became so much more loving towards me. He would always be looking out his cage, he would sleep on me, he stopped nipping me and would lick me instead. When we were at the vets, and he was about to be taken he was running up my neck and hiding, I felt he knew, and it shattered my whole heart.
Mika loved his fruit, especially bananas and pomegranate, he loved spinach and fennel the most, but wouldn't touch sweetcorn, which his brother loves. Neither will touch courgette, I guess they take after me, I can't seem to find it in me to like courgette either...
I can't believe this summer we won't be sitting out in the garden, or me sitting with you babies in the run, eating grass and chasing each other through tubes. I won't be getting into the run with you cos you won't come to me to come inside.
When you came to me you were tiny, and on your first spot clean you jumped and clung to the bars of the cage. It made me laugh but I know you were adjusting and scared, I'm sorry for laughing at you when you were scared
I will miss you running around the living room, and into the hallway exploring before taking yourself back home and hopping in to eat your hay. My little hay connoisseur, you had to have the best strand even if it meant going through 30 pieces for that 1 glorious strand that was just right.
When you and your brother were babies and you'd both climb and sit in the sleeves of my dressing gown, you tried that again before your passing, you knew you were on the little side
Who's going to start rumors that there will be an early dinner or extra lunch when they hear a bag of pasta now that you're gone?
I feel I'll question my decision for the rest of my life. I got my baby boys when I was at uni because it gave me so much anxiety. They became almost therapy animals, how could I not owe it to him to do all I can to help him. Could I have done more, maybe, should I have, also maybe. How will I know. But this baby was struggling to even eat his critical care because just that was hurting with his teeth...
I want to write all my memories of him on paper, I was honoured to be his mummy, I thought at 26 I'd be able to cope with this, but seemingly I am still crying like I did all those times as a child when I lost a pet.
Before we took him to the vet, I did foot stamps in clay, painted his little paws and did stamps, and took some clippings of his fur. His fur was the softest, smoothest, fluffier and above all so shiny. He was immaculate. I lived and loved to kiss his little crest.
I have to look after his brother and get him through this. The vet misunderstood us, when asking for him to see Mika at the end of the procedure to know his brother had passed, and instead kept his brother Abel there throughout, then came and told us after he was getting stressed. This breaks my heart even more, he weren't supposed to see any of that.
My last words I said to my baby boy Mika, "I'm so sorry Mika, I love you so much" oh how they echo in my head. Because I've never said 9 truer words than these I said to him.
I'm not sure what I'll do with his ashes when he is returned to me. Husband loved him so much but isn't much a fan of keeping ashes. But I just can't let him go, I can't have him anywhere except with me.
Today I bought 3 bunches of tulips, to bring light to the home like he did. I hope he would have approved.
This is so long. I needed somewhere to put some of my thoughts, because there's no where else.
I come home from half my shift today, and said "hello baby wiggle" and even that broke me, to not say wiggleS. Everything I do is a reminder that he isn't with me. How do I move on from this... Will I forgive myself?
Oh Mika. So so so precious. I am so sorry. I will miss you for my whole life, you and your brother taught and continue to teach me so much and for that I'm forever thankful.
Thank you for helping me with my anxiety, for making my life better since bringing you both home on April 18th 2019, for giving me so much laughter, love and happiness, for your sweet gentle heart I will yearn for forever. I hope you forgive me, but I will understand if you don't.
Goodnight my gorgeous boy
love you always 
My heart is completely shattered. He would have been 4 next month on February 12th. I so desperately wanted him to make his 4th birthday. On him and his brothers 2nd birthday, I cried that they could be half or a quarter through their life. Little did I know I'd fall short of 2 precious years left with him.
In June 2022, Mika developed issues with his molars. After local vets didn't pick this up, we went on our travels to Northampton to see Simon, who I am eternally grateful for. Without him, I wouldn't have had Mika even until now. But this time it was getting too much for my poor boy, each time his symptoms would come on faster, with new symptoms, weight loss would happen faster, and after last seeing Simon on December 7th, we were told that because of the angle his teeth now were, it is getting very difficult and there may not be much more he can do. With this information i knew my baby had limited earthly time, but I didn't believe for a minute it wouldn't even be a month.
I feel so lonely. I made that decision to have him PTS. I want to talk about him all day and night, but I have no one. I miss him. After he got poorly, I'm sure he realised how much I love him and he knew I took him to get better, because he became so much more loving towards me. He would always be looking out his cage, he would sleep on me, he stopped nipping me and would lick me instead. When we were at the vets, and he was about to be taken he was running up my neck and hiding, I felt he knew, and it shattered my whole heart.
Mika loved his fruit, especially bananas and pomegranate, he loved spinach and fennel the most, but wouldn't touch sweetcorn, which his brother loves. Neither will touch courgette, I guess they take after me, I can't seem to find it in me to like courgette either...
I can't believe this summer we won't be sitting out in the garden, or me sitting with you babies in the run, eating grass and chasing each other through tubes. I won't be getting into the run with you cos you won't come to me to come inside.
When you came to me you were tiny, and on your first spot clean you jumped and clung to the bars of the cage. It made me laugh but I know you were adjusting and scared, I'm sorry for laughing at you when you were scared
I will miss you running around the living room, and into the hallway exploring before taking yourself back home and hopping in to eat your hay. My little hay connoisseur, you had to have the best strand even if it meant going through 30 pieces for that 1 glorious strand that was just right.
When you and your brother were babies and you'd both climb and sit in the sleeves of my dressing gown, you tried that again before your passing, you knew you were on the little side
Who's going to start rumors that there will be an early dinner or extra lunch when they hear a bag of pasta now that you're gone?
I feel I'll question my decision for the rest of my life. I got my baby boys when I was at uni because it gave me so much anxiety. They became almost therapy animals, how could I not owe it to him to do all I can to help him. Could I have done more, maybe, should I have, also maybe. How will I know. But this baby was struggling to even eat his critical care because just that was hurting with his teeth...
I want to write all my memories of him on paper, I was honoured to be his mummy, I thought at 26 I'd be able to cope with this, but seemingly I am still crying like I did all those times as a child when I lost a pet.
Before we took him to the vet, I did foot stamps in clay, painted his little paws and did stamps, and took some clippings of his fur. His fur was the softest, smoothest, fluffier and above all so shiny. He was immaculate. I lived and loved to kiss his little crest.
I have to look after his brother and get him through this. The vet misunderstood us, when asking for him to see Mika at the end of the procedure to know his brother had passed, and instead kept his brother Abel there throughout, then came and told us after he was getting stressed. This breaks my heart even more, he weren't supposed to see any of that.
My last words I said to my baby boy Mika, "I'm so sorry Mika, I love you so much" oh how they echo in my head. Because I've never said 9 truer words than these I said to him.
I'm not sure what I'll do with his ashes when he is returned to me. Husband loved him so much but isn't much a fan of keeping ashes. But I just can't let him go, I can't have him anywhere except with me.
Today I bought 3 bunches of tulips, to bring light to the home like he did. I hope he would have approved.
This is so long. I needed somewhere to put some of my thoughts, because there's no where else.
I come home from half my shift today, and said "hello baby wiggle" and even that broke me, to not say wiggleS. Everything I do is a reminder that he isn't with me. How do I move on from this... Will I forgive myself?
Oh Mika. So so so precious. I am so sorry. I will miss you for my whole life, you and your brother taught and continue to teach me so much and for that I'm forever thankful.
Thank you for helping me with my anxiety, for making my life better since bringing you both home on April 18th 2019, for giving me so much laughter, love and happiness, for your sweet gentle heart I will yearn for forever. I hope you forgive me, but I will understand if you don't.
Goodnight my gorgeous boy
love you always 
was made with love and kindness, and respect for his health and happiness. No time in the world will be enough with our furballs, you lost your little one way sooner than you should have, but I'm confident Mika is at peace, having had such caring owner! 
it’s clear how much you loved him. Sleep tight beautiful Mika xx
