Thank you. It’s so hard isn’t it.I’m so sorry Buffy has had the call to the rainbow bridge. Sending you massive hugs. Please don’t blame yourself. I had a very fit and healthy boar aged only 2.5 who had a bladder stone. He just couldn’t recover from the anaesthetic. I think some piggies are just more sensitive than others.
Popcorn high over the bridge Buffy.
Thank you for your understanding. I feel that I should have just kept her safe at home. I sought treatment because she was so precious I wanted to ensure that she got the best treatment. Now I wish I had left well alone.BIG HUGS
It is always so hard when your piggies die in an operation, as I know from the few I have lost over the years. Your feelings of guilt are so much stronger. Sadly, sometimes underlying causes and sometimes an adverse reaction can cause it.
Please try not to beat yourself up too much. An untreated cyst is nasty and can grow to quite a size - and it will keep coming back, burst and can get infected if not removed. In fact, my two oldest piggy operation were both burst cyst removals - one a bleeding really large one with cancer concerns which put on a sudden growth spurt and burst while my piggy savvy vets were on summer holiday so it turned into a rather anxious wait and the other burst and infected cyst right next to the genitalia.
You have made the right decision to operate and it should have have been a fairly straight forward proceduce. It is not your fault nor your or your vet's bad judgement; it is just a random short straw in the cosmic lottery of bad luck.
Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children
Unfortunately, what neither we nor our vets (for who a failed op is like a blow to the gut for the whole team) can ever predict are adverse reactions. They can happen in any kind of operative/sedative procedure and they can happen to younger piggies as much to older ones; my Rhosyn about the age of Buffy when she didn't make it through an emergency op.
Sadly, we can never take a peek at the outcome and every procedure requires a leap of faith. Ultimately, a lot more piggies make it through than not but when it doesn't happen, then it is very hard to take. Try to give yourself some leeway and some time to come to terms with it. If you experience strong feelings of anger, a physical activity like running, a hard gym workout or energetic dancing to appropiate songs or screaming it out somewhere you can safely do it can really help you to let some of it out without it eating into your soul.
More tips are in the chapter 2 of the grieving guide.
My thoughts are with you and Buffy.
If you need tips for what you can do for Buffy's mate, you can find them in this guide here. Please give her time to grieve herself and rather let the cage go grotty for a week while Buffy's scent gradually fades away naturally.
Looking After a Bereaved Guinea Pig
I totally feel for you; the guilt/anger is so much stronger in these cases.
You may find my experience with older lady Hafina in the chapter 'Regaining your piggy' in our Grieving guide hopefully helpful as it deals with the feelings in another operation loss of mine - Hafina died in a necessary eye removal op after even very strong antibiotics couldn't prevent the eye from blowing up. Nevertheless, I ended up with a heavy duty guilt case which really spoiled the way how I remembered this wonderful, gentle lady for several years.
Thank you. I really appreciate your support.So sorry for your loss.
Please don’t blame yourself, you don’t know what underlying issues there may have been.
We make the best decisions we can with the knowledge we have.
Sadly things don’t always work out well.
Be gentle with yourself as you grieve.
Hugs
Thank you for taking the time to reply despite your own health challenges. This greatly appreciated. It does help when other people understand. All I could see was that a healthy happy pig had died because I had chosen to send her to the vets. I didn’t really imagine that the cyst would have got really bad.There is very little more gutting than losing a piggy in an operation but please keep reminding yourself that dealing with Buffy's worsening cyst saga (and it would have inevitably turned into a proper stressful and distressful long running saga) would have inevitably become just a nightmare ride of another sort with you feeling constantly guilty about failing her... Trust me on this; I do have that t-shirt as well in my cupboard and we see comparable scenarios on the forum not that rarely, either.
Sadly, there is rarely an easy way out with any health problem. A lot of it comes down to what I call 'between a rock and a hard place' decisions without any guarantee for a good outcome.
Give yourself time to work out your anger first before you tackle the aspects mentioned in this post because right now they are a bit beyond where you are emotionally; but they become more important for the longer term. The world is rarely black and white (which is where you are currently at) but a kaleidoscope of shades of grey. Being able to perceive all those shades of grey is generally a life time's journey with plenty of bruised knees, knocked heads and bleeding hearts...
It is however important that you never loose completely sight of how you want to remember Buffy in the long term because those memories will stay with you forever and you can revisit them (and her) in the darkest of times to find love and strength for yourself in those special things you have shared in your close bond - for however short or long.
My most special piggy Minx was another rather short-lived one (bladder stones and then bladder cancer and severe trauma after the second op from which she never recovered) but even 20 years later she is still here for me to play with and to make me smile with her antics during my own regular cancer check scans - 'relax as much as you can' - and in my darkest moment earlier this year when I was confronted with the bald fact that I have endstage melanoma (without even having a melanoma spot on my body), including an inoperable brain tumour - thankfully I have qualified for one of the new generation cancer immunotherapies and can hopefully look forward to quite some more years of life once I am as fully recovered as possible for me.
A lot of what I am telling others on this forum comes from my own life experiences. However it also works the other way round: I can use my piggy experiences and forum coping tricks to help myself as well. Even though losing Minx was so far one of the hardest and most heart-breaking things in my life and I really struggled, she is still there for me whenever I really need her... because I have learned to cherish those magical three years with her and letting my anguish go. It wasn't a quick or easy process but it was well worth pursuing and sticking at.
You will never lose Buffy unless you yourself block the door to her in your mind.
HUGS
Thank you again. Your words are extremely valuable and helpful xI have inherited the gift to see different sides, all in their own right and with their own values and deficiences. Because of that, I can help members having to make difficult decisions where there is no clear right or wrong to work out where they stand, but sometimes the same can also help those with a huge emotional hurt to show them the other side of the picture in order to give their thoughts a new direction and help them on with their grieving process.
What has happened to Buffy is a tragedy, no doubt about that! She had one of those very random bad reactions to even a small dose of GA. With her, it would have likely otherwise happened the first time she needed an operation or any procedure under GA so I doubt that she would have grown very old.
Buffy was one of those sparkly stars that burn very bright but only shortly. Try to remember her for her big personality and the joy she has brought to your life and treasure for having had her in your life.
However, the decision to have the cyst removed was a valid proposal in view of the alternative. I would have made the same decision to have it removed for any piggy of mine as well and would have made the same decision again for another piggy of mine, as hard as it always is when the same issue comes up again after any failed procedure. Talk about very deep breaths and major jitters! I hope that this helps you? I have been through it more than once with other health issues with piggies of mine needing certain operations.
Please be kind with yourself, make sure that you work out the adrenaline excess which you are channelling into your anger in a physical way as well as processing the big shock mentally. It will take its own time because you have to deal with both the trauma of the shock and the trauma of the loss at the same time but you can process only so much at any given time. Brace for the adrenaline 'hangover blues' once your anger/adrenaline high is finally running out.
We are here for you to help you through it at any stage and for any questions or understanding support if you need a soundboard. Just please use this one thread which we can run for as long as possible. It may help others reading it when they grapple with their own overwhelming loss down the line to know that they are not the only ones - and that is not the worst legacy Buffy can leave. The grieving process is nothing like just feeling sad; it is so much more complex.
PS: Being able to help others does help to boost my own mental wellbeing and makes me feel better in myself; which is important for my own recovery from a serious illness and a rather close shave. I can't just sit around at home for months and feel lonely and terminally bored.
But I only do it whenever I do not feel stressed when reading the first post; I have to put my own needs first but I am still the same person as I was before. The community on here is my lifeline and is helping me as much as I am helping them.
And while I am more aware of my mortality, I am also more aware of the need to make every day I live - how many or few that is going to be - count by leaving the world that little bit better. This way, it doesn't matter how long or short I live because I have lived it to the best I can.
Try and see Buffy's short life in terms of quality instead of quantity as well - both for her and for you. I have had some piggies of mine only for a short or very short time (a couple of times only for a scant few weeks) but they are no less precious to me than those who have been with me for a very long life because they have added some special, unique sparkle to my own life without which it would have been a lot poorer. And those sparkles will always remain with me; I can access them whenever I need to remind myself of the good things I have had and still have in my life instead of fixating on what I won't have and can't change.
PS: I am very lucky and blessed to have access to the best possible treatment (thanks to whoever went back to my biopsy and found the crucial mutation) and to have got that access just in time. The brain doesn't have any pain sensors so symptoms were very vague and I never had a visible recognisable melanoma spot in the first place... Life is life; it is not about fairness or entitlement.
You have given Buffy the love and happiness to sparkle and to add that sparkle to your own life; please don't throw it away. It doesn't matter so much how long she has sparkled for you, it matters much more that you have her sparkle added to your own life.
What happened was not foreseeable or in your control but all the daily care and love are what really counts because that is very much in your control and you have not failed her one bit in that respect. What you have done, you have done out of love and wanting the best. What you have no control over is the outcome. There is never any guarantee.
Just give yourself time to work through your anger and slowly think things through more as your mind frees up more. It is not an instant process but I have been hopefully able to snap you out of it enough to start processing.
HUGS
Thank you again.
sweet Buffy