My Ongoing Battle by Ruby

Swissgreys

Swissgreys

Moderator
Senior Guinea Pig
Joined
Mar 15, 2016
Messages
11,359
Reaction score
27,222
Points
2,165
Location
Zürich, Switzerland
I have been looking after my slaves for over 5 years now, and feel that overall I have done quite a good job training them.
Certainly the two youngest slaves are brilliant pets.
They meet all of my needs, respond to my every wheek, and are masters of sneaking me treats when the boring big slave says dull things like ‘For heavens sake please stop feeding that guinea pig treats before she explodes’.

But I will be honest fellow Forum piggies - I am slowly starting to despair about the big slave.
Not only is she still saying dull things and not feeding me enough treats, she just doesn’t seem to be improving at all.

I will highlight this with a classic example from today.
Today the big slave put a green bean on my vegetable plate.
A green bean!
It’s an outrage.
In the five years I have been training her I have never once eaten so much as a bite of a green bean.
Not once.
But she still puts one on my veg plate, and then says dull things like ‘No treats for Ruby, she hasn’t finished off her fresh veg yet’.
As if not eating a green bean somehow implies that I am not starving for any manner of lovely snacks like bananas or blueberries.

I know a slave is for life dear piggy friends, but some days the big slave tries my patience.

Love Ruby

IMG_7698.webp
 
Oh Ruby, sending hugs and lots of sympathy! Our slaves sat stuffing their faces with strawberries and blueberries tonight and when we rattle the bars to remind them that we are here and can smell the delicious fruit and not one bit has been passed through the bars, not even been offered at strawberry top 😡
Love Hector and Kiki, Posh and Ginger x
 
Oh Ruby - the big slave really doesn’t get it, does she? You need to take a leaf out of Ralph and Holly’s book. If she gives you something you don’t like, pick it up and hide it under a pile of poop so she thinks you’ve eaten it. You’ve got to beat her at her own game.
 
Oh Ruby it sounds like your slave is really miss treating you! A green bean how dare she!
Our slave has been fabulous this week she keeps saying she feels bad for us in the heat so we have had yummy watermelon!
 
Hello Ruby
We are being very spoilt by Aunty Lucy while our Slave is away in holiday. Our Slave never lets us stay up late but Aunty Lucy lets us stay up until 10pm. We are also getting lots of yummy treats. Do you have an Aunty Lucy you can go to?
Betsy, Meg and Patsy.
 
Last edited:
Dear Ruby,
Tallulah would like to sympathise with the failure of the boring slave to understand basic training.
Tallulah says she wheeked specifically for chilled watermelon on 5 occasions today and only 1 of those resulted in correct watermelon delivery! Once she got babycorn and cucumber which is ok but clearly not melon, and once there were peppers and pellets which again score maybe 6/10 on the scale of melons... but on one occasion she was told to "eat your bloody hay like a normal.guinea pig, its what guinea pigs eat" and on another occasion there were NO FOODS DELIVERED AT ALL just a stupid frozen bottle wrapped in a towel and the towel wasnt tasty at all!
These slaves should really try harder to deliver exotic fruits on demand, we pay them enough poops, and its not like they do anything else except sit around talking about us online!
Naked hugs and outraged wheeks,
Tallulah x
 
Hello Ruby, this is Sam. How dare your slave not give you your treats. This is truly despicable behaviour and I think you should file a complaint, who knows, maybe you’ll get refunded for an out-of-order slave.
However, I adore green beans. I will happily take all of yours if you want me to. If the world was run by me i would eat green beans every single day, morning, lunch, and dinner, plus extra for snacks. If I were a jouster, I would have a green bean as a lance pole. If i knitted, my needles would be green beans. And when I go to the cinema I would have green beans in my tub, not those white poofy things.
Needless to say I love green beans and if your slave ever dares feed you them again, just send me an email at samlovesgreenbeans@greenbeans. beans. (Sam’s slave would like to add, if you try to email him at this address you will likely be disappointed.)
Yours sincerely,
Samwise
View attachment 181206
 
Oh dear Ruby, you just can't get the staff these days! We quite like a green bean but only when no one is looking, clearly if our big slave is anywhere near the bean is picked up and dropped and much wheeking ensues to get the correct foods. Our neighbour, Mr pig, has a really good wheek so often gets us an extra treat from the really big slave who pretends to not like us, well we know that's not true!
Keep trying Ruby, maybe your slave will get there one day!
Lots of wheeks
Spaghetti and noodle
 
Dear Ruby,
We really do agree that the younger humans are much more willing to be trained. We have successfully trained an 8, 5, and 3 year old. They bring us fresh bits of grass, cilantro, green beans (we will take yours), and lettuce. We also get hay cookies! Sadly, the big human said they will no longer buy hay cookies as they said something about money. We have surely produced enough poos to pay for new cookies.
Sincerley,
Cocoa and Oreo
 
Dear Ruby
We are sorry you don't like green beans. We had an idea today. We could start start a vegetable exchange programme. We love green beans but we hate yellow peppers. We always leave them but silly slave still gives them to us. If you want to post your green beans we will send you our yellow peppers. Sorry if they are a bit soggy.
Love from Merry, Beatrice and Pepper 20210522_185437.webp
 
Dear Ruby:

You have my sympathy. My largest slave tries to give me peppers. I refuse to accept them and turn up my nose but she stubbornly refuses to stop. The child-sized slaves with return to the fridge and come back with something better if I refuse a so-called treat, but the bigger slave? Very slow to learn!

Sincerely,
Leela
 
Dear Ruby,

You also have our sympathy. We can fully relate to your frustrating situation. Our mummy slave (the main one - though that taller, hairier one often brings more treats, but we don’t see him as much), still brings us green beans with our evening veggies. We are quite proud of just how much we have practiced our ‘look of disgust’, but she just doesn’t get the hint. Just because those other boys in the other cages like them, doesn’t mean that we do.

I mean, I know these slaves are of limited intelligence in comparison to our species, but is substituting the green beans for a few more peppers or a bit more lettuce really that difficult?

We are considering an online “how to better train your veggie slave” course, we will send you over the zoom invite!

Take care in this heat,
Lots of love,
Rufus and Bobby
 
Dear Ruby,
if it is any consolation, we are going through a real ordeal here at the moment.
Yesterday we were taken from our home, packed into small boxes and badly shaken about.
At first we thought that it would be another daytrip to the garden. But can you imagine our horror when we stayed the night.
Tessy is really pissed off. She even tried giving the slave a panic attack by refusing the morning cucumber, but she didn't quite pull it through.

Sitting in the grass in the fresh air is okay, I guess, but nothing compared to sleeping comfortably at home and being able to free roam in the living room. Here we are crammed into a much smaller cage.
And there are so many birds. Birds are really silly creatures, screaming at the top of their lungs all the time and completley lacking the harmony of guinea pig squeaks.

The slave talked about going home tomorrow morning before it get's too hot. So we have got another day and another night ahead of us.
Hold us in your prayers.
Billie

PS: Hope you have better luck with your slave than we have with our.
 
Dear Ruby,

We forgot to add that we think you should start an advice column for guinea pigs. There are sometimes very difficult decisions to make like should I tunnel under my fleece or how much should we bite our cage bars to signal for help.
Thank you for your consideration.
Cocoa and Oreo
 
RedLoredAmazon said:
Dear Ruby,

We forgot to add that we think you should start an advice column for guinea pigs. There are sometimes very difficult decisions to make like should I tunnel under my fleece or how much should we bite our cage bars to signal for help.
Thank you for your consideration.
Cocoa and Oreo
Click to expand...
Dear Cocoa and Oreo,

Thank you so much for your kind appreciation of my advice on slave training, despite the fact that I do seem to have failed to make much headway with the big slave.
I shall definitely consider your suggestion, as I do think I am quite good at giving advice.
At one point I was even on the cover of my very own magazine.

Love Ruby

Order-9101-Ruby.webp
 
Ruby,

We beg you to please publish the magazine so we can have tips on how to get our own way in one wheek! We’re standing on our hind paws…well, except Fudge and Coco. Coco is a fatty and Fudge is just too lazy! I digress. I would just like to say that since we were moved out of the home comforts of indoors (don’t tell slave we actually LOVE being here), we’ve rarely been given any treats. The slave locks us up good and proper. So much so that the mini slaves can’t sneak anything in. The biggest slave has also stopped sneaking us bedtime snacks. I think this calls for a revolt/stampede/protest.

Lots of love and good luck wheeks,
Toffee, Chanel, Fudge and Coco
 
Siikibam said:
Ruby,

We beg you to please publish the magazine so we can have tips on how to get our own way in one wheek! We’re standing on our hind paws…well, except Fudge and Coco. Coco is a fatty and Fudge is just too lazy! I digress. I would just like to say that since we were moved out of the home comforts of indoors (don’t tell slave we actually LOVE being here), we’ve rarely been given any treats. The slave locks us up good and proper. So much so that the mini slaves can’t sneak anything in. The biggest slave has also stopped sneaking us bedtime snacks. I think this calls for a revolt/stampede/protest.

Lots of love and good luck wheeks,
Toffee, Chanel, Fudge and Coco
Click to expand...
Sounds like you are in prison! Don’t worry Percy and Pepper will send you a file in a hay cake. 🤫
 
Dear Ruby,
We would like to subscribe to your fabulous magazine.
The article on avoiding nail clippings sounds very helpful.
Micah says he will have your green beans as he’s very fond of them.
We’re not as lucky as you because there are no mini slaves here to sneak us treats.
We have had some success in wangling midday snacks from Daddy Slave and then telling Mummy Slave we haven’t been fed yet.
We hope you can train your big slave. 5 years is a long time to persevere- we salute you.
Love from Priscilla, Phoebe and Micah
 
Swissgreys said:
Dear Cocoa and Oreo,

Thank you so much for your kind appreciation of my advice on slave training, despite the fact that I do seem to have failed to make much headway with the big slave.
I shall definitely consider your suggestion, as I do think I am quite good at giving advice.
At one point I was even on the cover of my very own magazine.

Love Ruby

View attachment 181256
Click to expand...

That is so brilliant! I love it. The forum piggies need Ruby as agony aunt, to share her wisdom and experience! :love:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top