My wee Merry

weepiggy

weepiggy

Junior Guinea Pig
Joined
May 7, 2025
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Northern Ireland
I feel so much regret and guilt. The weight on my heart is terrible.

I'd been having some issues with my wee pig, Merry, and had to take him back to the vet this morning after the antibiotics he was prescribed for a potential UTI proved ineffective. I left Merry with the vet and went home. They called after the x-ray had been performed to tell me he had crystals in his bladder that would become stones. I had already decided against any surgeries for Merry because he's older, and because of all the risks associated.

The vet asked if I wanted to come down to say goodbye. I said no.

My heart is breaking. I should have went. But I couldn't. As soon as I heard the diagnosis my heart shattered into pieces. I couldn't cope with the grief. It hit me so hard and all at once. The thought of going back there all to hold him and say goodbye, to know I had to give away my little baby. I couldn't. The vet tried to reassure me. She told me that Merry was still sedated after his x-ray and Merry wouldn't have known I was there, not really.

I cuddled him this morning but I didn't say goodbye when I did. I held him up close to my face and kissed his little eyes and ears. Then I put him into the carrying case and tucked him up in blankets. At the vets I unzipped the case and gave him a few pets. He knew how much I loved him and I know he wasn't really aware of anything that was going on, so saying goodbye would have been more for me than for him. I just can't stop feeling like I've failed him. I can't get away from that feeling. My whole being is in pain.

I've held every other animal I've had in those moments before letting the vet take them and give them peace. I couldn't do that for Merry. I couldn't be strong enough for my baby. My mum said it was better to have held him this morning when he was still awake and himself, as opposed to sedated and not very responsive or like himself. I'm trying really hard to believe that. I just want him back. I miss him so much and I keep going to lift him only to see he isn't there. Just before the vet took him in his little case for his x-ray I thought about holding him, just in case, but I didn't. I should have.

The vet left me some of his fur in a little vial and his paw prints. I'm devasted. I'm sorry, Merry. I loved you so much.
 
I have tears in my eyes reading your post. So much grief, so much heartache. You clearly loved wee Merry. He knew that, how could he not? That's what counts for a guinea - all the love you gave day by day in his life. I deeply understand your regret because I've had similar regrets about certain guineas. It just shows how much we love our little guineas.
 
weepiggy said:
I feel so much regret and guilt. The weight on my heart is terrible.

I'd been having some issues with my wee pig, Merry, and had to take him back to the vet this morning after the antibiotics he was prescribed for a potential UTI proved ineffective. I left Merry with the vet and went home. They called after the x-ray had been performed to tell me he had crystals in his bladder that would become stones. I had already decided against any surgeries for Merry because he's older, and because of all the risks associated.

The vet asked if I wanted to come down to say goodbye. I said no.

My heart is breaking. I should have went. But I couldn't. As soon as I heard the diagnosis my heart shattered into pieces. I couldn't cope with the grief. It hit me so hard and all at once. The thought of going back there all to hold him and say goodbye, to know I had to give away my little baby. I couldn't. The vet tried to reassure me. She told me that Merry was still sedated after his x-ray and Merry wouldn't have known I was there, not really.

I cuddled him this morning but I didn't say goodbye when I did. I held him up close to my face and kissed his little eyes and ears. Then I put him into the carrying case and tucked him up in blankets. At the vets I unzipped the case and gave him a few pets. He knew how much I loved him and I know he wasn't really aware of anything that was going on, so saying goodbye would have been more for me than for him. I just can't stop feeling like I've failed him. I can't get away from that feeling. My whole being is in pain.

I've held every other animal I've had in those moments before letting the vet take them and give them peace. I couldn't do that for Merry. I couldn't be strong enough for my baby. My mum said it was better to have held him this morning when he was still awake and himself, as opposed to sedated and not very responsive or like himself. I'm trying really hard to believe that. I just want him back. I miss him so much and I keep going to lift him only to see he isn't there. Just before the vet took him in his little case for his x-ray I thought about holding him, just in case, but I didn't. I should have.

The vet left me some of his fur in a little vial and his paw prints. I'm devasted. I'm sorry, Merry. I loved you so much.
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HUGS

I am so very sorry for the bad news. You haven't failed Merry by not going to the vets or not taking a tearful goodbye as your upset would have transmitted to him; as you have rightly assumed.
Instead, you have given him your love to send him on his way and he was carried to the Bridge on the wings of your love. No, you haven't failed Merry in any way and you have done the kindest thing for him. Please don't doubt yourself.

Having had to make the decision more than once to not wake up a piggy of mine, I feel fully for you. It is tough; but sparing a beloved one as much upset as possible and rather take the anguish yourself can be the most loving gift you can ever make somebody you care deeply about. There is nothing wrong with your heart or your instincts.


Intense soul-searching and strong feelings of guilt are characteristic for the onset of the grieving process. We humans are wired to reflect everything back in order to find the fault within ourselves. Any shock demise or decision or other traumatic circumstances can make this part much stronger - even though it is basically an expression of deeply you care in the first place.
Please try to be kind with yourself. Be as sad as you need to but please don't feel bad. You have given Merry a happy life filled with love and care on as many days as you could; that is how piggies measure a good life by.

You may find our human grieving guide helpful as it is so much more complex and diverse than you would expect. It will hopefully help you to understand better what you are experiencing now and in the coming days and weeks.
Here is the link: Human Bereavement: Grieving, Processing and Support Links for Guinea Pig Owners and Their Children

PS: You can take your formal leave from Merry when you get him back. What counts is that your love was with him even if your body wasn't. And the traces he leaves physically and in the form of so many precious memories in his boar cave in your heart which will stay with you forever.
 
My heart goes out to you at this very sad time. The more we love the more we grieve but he would have known and felt the love you had for him in all his happy days with you. The grief will subside and then those treasured memories will be in your heart and he will always be with you. Take care of yourself x
Popcorn pain free at the rainbow bridge little piggie 🌈
 
So very sorry to read this post.
You gave Merry so much love and that’s what matters.
Please be gentle with yourself and believe that you have no need to feel guilty.
Holding you in my heart ♥️
 
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